Need some unbiased advised

david10277 · 2022-10-03T14:01:13+00:00

You have not healed my friend Do not get into a new relationship

Your still thinking about the women your not with anymore.

We all remember the good days, but dont forget the reason why you separated.

Take some time for yourself, replacing her with something new and shiny is not.the answer.

Everything looks better after her..many guys fall into this trap and think they found the one and end up divorcing agian.

Heal and find yourself.

derelictherds · 2022-10-03T20:35:48+00:00

You didn't provide much information about the marriage and divorce, but sounds like you haven't healed and still have feelings for her. Go no contact if you don't have children with her. Stop giving her money unless it's court ordered. Tell your lawyer to get a court date scheduled if your stbx (she is not your ex until the divorce is finalized) is dragging feet to prevent the divorce from moving forward.

Responsibility140 · 2022-10-03T13:45:23+00:00

The feelings are normal but why are you second guessing yourself? Don’t play the “what if” game in your head

akihonj · 2022-10-03T13:47:42+00:00

Regrets and what ifs we've all been there.

When that happens try to remember why you went through the divorce, yes it's hard and yes those what it's will always be there because a divorce is a failure and it takes years to see with any distance.

Instead think of what moving forward looks like, you have somebody the polar opposite of what you had is that good or bad, better or worse than before.

Only you can answer that.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-03T19:50:55+00:00

> I actually found someone

Stop. You need to read this: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=81647

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-03T19:56:35+00:00

Normal. But Don’t jump back into the shit though so quickly. Way to soon man.

david10277 · 2022-10-03T22:33:04+00:00

To add...I am not saying dont have FWB and side girlfriends.

Dont get into any serious emotional relationship

OfficeMedications · 2022-10-04T03:36:29+00:00

The rule of thumb from therapy says give it one year for every two years you were married before you get into any kind of new relationship else you want be fully healed from her. Otherwise you'll the risk of using any new woman like novocaine to get over your x instead of loving her for her. I was married for eleven years. No new relationship for me for five and a half years. I don't know how long you were married but you've already been apart in reality a year and a half so

Gattsama · 2022-10-04T11:01:07+00:00

First, that is 100% normal. Secondary, be VERY careful with your new relationship. You are not healed and your emotions are very fragile. Thinking about what you could have done differently is your brain saying you have not yet moved on.

I'm in the middle of the divorce, she was emotionally and mentally abuse. Here's a few highlights: you are a huge pile of shit with a little pee of goodness on top; you are a love vampire sucking all the joy / love / happiness from me & only happy when you see me suffering; I do not respect you, I am not in love with you, if I get cancer it wouldn't surprise me given how horrible and toxic you are / this relations is, etc etc

And yet I still find myself asking: what if? maybe we could have worked if? Here's the issue, my brain was addicted to the dopamine from the drama, and absent her presents I went through withdrawal. Now the acute withdrawal is over, but like an alcoholic you part of your brain is seeking that old addiction. It is lying to you, making you overlook the bad, focus on the good and whitewash the pass as you gaslight yourself.

I promise you, you do NOT miss her. You miss the delusion of her that you have created in your brain. Not who she really was or is.

Title	Need some unbiased advised
Author	broakie212
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	October 3, 2022 1:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xujbqx/need_some_unbiased_advised/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-some-unbiased-advised.1135273 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135273