I posted this on R/infidelity but wanted to get a more objective take on this. and I found out less than two weeks ago.

I know neither of us are perfect, I know this was a result of years of developing patterns but it still hurts.

I still want to reconcile with her. But I cannot do that if she won’t confess to me.

I found out she was having an affair over instagram, sharing pictures that should only be for me. Receiving pictures from him that should never be shown in polite company.

Sexual fantasies and talks of what sex act they would perform. She even mentioned missing the man who gave great leg and foot massages.

It goes on and on. Then I see for the other day he (lives in another state) is traveling to a work event in another state for the program they both work on.

She tells him she is not scheduled to travel there with her team but is trying to get approved to go.

Screams physical meet up and that sets me spiraling because of the several other trips over the year things could have happened.

How do you reconcile and save a 23 year marriage and near 30 year love story.

I feel like we both cause the opening this guy took advantage of when she broke down crying during a work trip.

I want to break the walls around her heart down and I want to get my wife back. I have been working for over a year to correct the problems I cause that affect our relationship but never once have I look to another woman.

My heart tells me lover her and reconcile but my fear center tells me prep for divorce. So torn here and could really use words of wisdom right now.