Please help

iSurvivedltd · 2023-10-28T02:09:15+00:00

Fuck your ex. I get the depression part cause every man has been there.

Time to put on your focused hat and never take it off. Expect the unexpected with her and any woman. Expect her to do and say fucked up shit. She’s trying to get you off your game and currently she’s winning.

Don’t let her win.

You need to stay laser focused on your kids. Money. And yourself. In that order. Don’t get derailed cause that puts you back two steps.

Wake up every morning and tell yourself you got today and nothing will bother you. Say it 10x. In grain that shit in your head. Write it down if you need to.

Stay focused bro. Act cold towards her. She should be dead to you. Wrap up the divorce as quickly as possible so you can move on with your life.

It’s you against her and you don’t wanna lose to a woman. 😐

WartimeDad · 2023-10-28T03:29:51+00:00

I’ve been on this difficult road and can say that my priorities greatly shifted. The source of my angst was that the reason I was working my ass off was because I was providing for my family. Well she nuked the family. Looking back what I thought was depressive was actually just taking stock and reevaluating my life.

Take that for what it is. I’m much happier now and I’m not in the rat race as much. Just focusing on what brings me maximum joy in this life.

lyricbaritone2 · 2023-10-28T02:27:35+00:00

Hard to give you guidance on the process since you're so far in. 4 hours a month is sick. And as far as your business goes, you can build it back better without her holding you back. 12k a month is disgusting. Depending on age of the children there is no reason that she can't get a job and the two of you share equal physical placement. On you off week you can work 18hrs a day and when you have the children you pare it back. Good on you for building your body. Time to build your money where she can't see it. And if you are tight with your children then fight to get equal placement time.

praisedone · 2023-10-28T03:53:29+00:00

I would recommend that you begin learning the rules of the game: read case laws in your state every day, even if you have a lawyer. Most lawyers may take the easier path, and their interests may not always align with yours. By doing this, you will gain a better understanding of the law and be better equipped to guide your attorney. Visit https://scholar.google.com and search for case laws in your state. Try to read at least 2 or 3 opinions a day. In about 10 days, you will notice the difference.
Good luck!

Complex_Meal2687 · 2023-10-28T01:55:49+00:00

Stopped at paid for her attorney twice. I will never understand that.

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2023-10-28T03:29:03+00:00

Keep going. Maybe a change of work/life balance might be in order. Are you a father or an ATM? I really hope to light a fire inside you and not come off as an ass because I only have this post to go off of.

How involved in your children's lives are you? You don't need to answer, but let it ruminate. Will your children look back and remember how much you spent/made to afford them a stable lifestyle? No. They will remember you choosing to be there for them individually through all their milestones and the values and traditions you passed on to them.

Day to day is rough. And I know it feels like a lose/lose. You are ordered 12k a month to support those kids. It does not mean you should not be a part of their lives and something needs to change. You made that commitment 16 years ago. Whether together or not, you owe it to your kids to be present for them as much as possible. It's not a win/lose game. She is being rewarded for the agreements you and her set forth to have children. Keep going to battle against the state for your fair share of time. Focus less on the monetary aspect, and focus more on your relationship with them.

The day I lose respect from my kid will truly be my biggest concern. Intact families face the same trials and tribulations of parenting. My father could have easily given up and focused entirely on himself after his trials through divorce, but he chose to continue through the suck and be the best father he could be. I will grieve harder when I lose my father than I ever did when I lost my mom. I hold that same attitude of showing up for my daughter as he did for me.

Keep showing up. It's so much easier said than done, but you can do it. Channel that anger in the gym. Leave out the door without it and a focus to be the best father you can be. I probably wouldn't be here today to comment if it wasn't for my father's attitude. Be that person.

praisedone · 2023-10-28T03:55:12+00:00

Search for "Equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities" for a list of very interesting opinions.

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-10-28T04:27:17+00:00

Well what do you think she can do legally she can't keep your kids from see and spending time with you she might think she can but that will come back and bite her .I've been through the family courts regarding children more than I want to admit but I have learned a lot . I adopted my twin nephews when they were 18 months old.reason for it because there parents both went to jail then prison . Trust me I've seen it all court date after court date I was in my late 30s then never been to jail for even 5 minutes they had me taking drug test 2 times a week waste of tax payer money .if you ask me I let this go on for months I finally had enough I went in and told the judge look this is absurd .8 times a month I have to rush home get the wife and go pee .and the days I had to my wife s would be different days joke soi told them I don't have a problem with it they cut it down to 1 or 2 every 3 or 4 months. But I've seen women walk in there and try to manipulate the courts they see right through them.

I've seen women walk out after losing all custody of their kids lying to the courts . Coaching their kids to say things .it doesn't end good for these people you never know if the judge is in a bad mood it could change your children's lives the one thing they can not stand the most is using children as a weapon against the other parent so just saying . Your wife the way she is acting she might not get a dam dime for support . You just need a good lawyer and get it done

Vivid_Conclusion_604 · 2023-10-28T13:26:30+00:00

My experience: you work harder now, for whatever reasons, and you will be punished. This happens: man moves out (for the kids), works extra to pay his bills and her bills because we live by a moral code. Court says, "oh, you can make that much? Well then you can pay that much." Does not matter that you are in survival mode. You realize that working that schedule doesn't leave you time to see the kids. Court agrees, sends them to mom. It's a fuck from both ends. Even as the low earner, the judge took into account some tiny contract work into account. I'd have been better off not taking that little bit of work.

Kid time. I see my kid so little, and it hurts so much when she leaves, that I'm getting to the point where maybe I'll just not see her anymore. Her choice to live with mom. She'll find me if she wants me. Your little ones though, fight. Fight dirty to see them. They hit 12 and they will be on their way out, but you know that. "Best interest for the kids" is bullshit in family court. Momma knows best prevails.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-10-28T14:14:15+00:00

Why are you trading money for time with your kids? 50/50 custody, thats the hill you die on. Your mistake is allowing her to use the kids as a bargaining chip for money. 50/50, lock that in and then deal with the money.

Kids aren’t assets to be traded. You’re a father and unless you have a newborn that’s breastfeeding you are every bit as important to your kids lives as their mother.

ballzdeepinbacon · 2023-10-28T14:50:58+00:00

So.. let me get this straight. Currently you’re not employed. You owe her 12k a month in support and receive maybe 4 hours a month visitation? She changes the visitation based on her whims? Are any of these in court orders? If so, frankly I’d just walk away. No $12k, no visiting the kids. I would immediately enroll myself in therapy to deal with the gut wrenching feeling of abandoning my children and I would work myself into a good mental state and work on rebuilding my finances. In this process I would document everything - including what has already happened. When I was back on my feet I would then launch the lawsuit to regain custody claiming intentional estrangement by the mother and the courts. I’m not a lawyer but these amounts of time and seem incredibly absurdly punitive. Maybe there’s part of the story missing.

Title	Please help
Author	Ok-Suit1420
Upvotes	9
Comments	36
Date	October 28, 2023 1:05 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17i2gq8/please_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/please-help.1236717 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236717

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