Staying for the kids

Appropriate-Shift564 · 2024-11-10T17:40:32+00:00

As most of the posts have said OP, I would think about leaving and starting the divorce process ASAP. Depending on how toxic the situation is, there may be no getting back to a truly healthy relationship.

I knew I was done when I sat in my backyard and knew that any level of success could not overcome the feelings of emptiness I had inside from my miserable marriage.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-11-08T23:14:46+00:00

A spouse that makes you miserable usually makes the children miserable too. Invest your time in your kids, when they are of an age to choose, divorce and keep them. Leaving sooner is a better choice but there are future off ramps ahead where you get to be a full time parent if you play your cards right

jd385272 · 2024-11-07T20:44:12+00:00

Do NOT.

My stbx wife left me to "find happiness" and "find herself" whatever that means, then she came back to "work things out". When I asked her why we should fix our marriage, she said because of the kids. That's when I told her no, I don't wanna reconcile with you.

The main reason I moved on with my divorce is her betrayal, but staying for the kids while you're miserable is a very unhealthy choice (for you and your kids), trust me brother.

Dance4theSmokers · 2024-11-06T23:40:46+00:00

I did it for many many years, sacrificing my own physical and mental health. Wasn’t the right move in the end. Oh well

Boomhower113 · 2024-11-06T22:51:49+00:00

I did it for 12 years. Dont know if it was the right decision or not. My kids got to have a normal childhood, at least.

HistoricalBend1338 · 2024-11-06T21:48:33+00:00

I stayed until my kid was old enough to walk back and forth to school on his own. probably should have left sooner but we didn't have family to help.

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2024-11-06T20:05:15+00:00

Kids see more than we think - at any age. Be mindful of what behavior you want to model which children will invariably adopt as normal.

Expatriated_American · 2024-11-06T19:48:17+00:00

Don’t stay for the kids. It’s not better for them, and it’s not better for you.

Vollen595 · 2024-11-06T19:29:58+00:00

Not worth it.

letmeseeifican · 2024-11-06T17:47:47+00:00

Thank you. Staying for the kids is the cowards way. You should be thinking about how the tension, resentment, faking life affects the children. Fucking them up living in disfunction is not a solution

ChickenLegs614 · 2024-11-06T17:47:45+00:00

Not worth it IMO. You are hurting yourself and the kids.

Your health (mental, emotional, and even physical) will eventually break down. This will not only hurt you, but also the kids as it will severely limit your ability to function as a dad.

Add to this the fact that you and your wife are not modeling a loving and committed relationship for the kids. So you’re going to skew their perspective on what a healthy relationship is and inadvertently set them up to accept the same level of abuse when they grow up.

Pull the cord and get out. It sucks but the relief for everyone on the other side is worth it. Hang in there brother 💪🏼

leaving4me · 2024-11-06T17:12:34+00:00

My relationship with my kids improved dramatically when I removed the daily negativity and narcissism from my life. That said, fighting for your kids when the narcissist attempts to screw you over at all costs after leaving is equally as hard.

Slowloris81 · 2024-11-06T16:58:17+00:00

It is but I would suggest freeing yourself of any mindset that it’s necessarily better for the kids. It’s not better for them if the environment is toxic. Separating can create two happy (or at least happier) households instead of one unhappy one. That is a net positive for everyone overall.

Title	Staying for the kids
Author	TheOneWhoDidntCum
Upvotes	6
Comments	25
Date	November 6, 2024 4:32 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gl2kvt/staying_for_the_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/staying-for-the-kids.1534839 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534839

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