Talking Directly to SBTX ..

----Poseidon--- · 2022-05-15T00:52:41+00:00

I'm no legal expert, but I think your in a good spot. Kids hate her and she abandoned the home, you could maybe even get primary custody

Shitpostradamus · 2022-05-15T02:32:55+00:00

She cheated on you and your children. Take her to the cleaners, mate

Gattsama · 2022-05-15T03:28:05+00:00

Hey man, sorry you have to deal with this, but sounds like you are doing ok. Here's a general rule of thumb, if she is represented by counsel you do NOT want to contract her directly. You can email her and both of our attorneys. You can make any offer you want, and that doesn't mean that becomes the new baseline for other offers. Consider, something like: here's a one time offer I am making in order to expedite things and ultimately save us both money in the long run. If you think this is agreeable or could be modify to be agreeable please let me in in 7-10 days.' Or something similar.

You say buy out? If this to cover spousal support, a buy out of the home, includes division of possessions, etc??

Step back, way back. Why is the divorce nasty? Be brutally honest here. If the issue isn't money, what does $150k more do?? Why do you want it to just end? What advantages and disadvantages does that offer you? What compromises has she stated? what offers has she made? And bottom line, if this was your brother instead of you what advise would you give him??

Again, never hurts to ask. Just be clear about what you are offering and why, what your goals are, and what you are willing to compromise. Because in the end that's what this whole process is really about, how much you are willing to compromise: time vs money, time vs mental health, time with kids vs money, savings vs investments, co-parenting plan vs custody, etc.

sicrm · 2022-05-15T02:27:32+00:00

how you interact with her during the divorce will set the tone for post-divorce.

it’s up to you if you want to keep being so generous.

RedditDude07467 · 2022-05-15T01:39:29+00:00

Yes, you being way too generous. Crush her.

Throwaway4120213 · 2022-05-15T03:30:30+00:00

First - have someone specializing in annuities look over your proposal. Without knowing your specifics - let’s say you have 20yrs until retirement at $2,300/month and a very conservative 2% interest rate. This would put the present value at less than the $500k you would be offering. In addition - you lose the optionality that she might remarry and the payments stop so in that scenario - the buyout wouldn’t be financially wise.

All of the large items is better negotiated through attorneys including custody, child support, asset split and alimony. I reached out directly on some minor issues to avoid lawyer fees but discussing any of the larger items was like speaking to a brick wall.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-05-15T02:26:07+00:00

These women divorce raping their husbands are like hitting the jackpot.

I really hope more men wake the fuck up and see what marriage (divorce) has become about: Robbing you for everything you've got.

James1933-75 · 2022-05-15T01:15:25+00:00

Seriously? I don't even want to talk to my cheating stbxw. Every time she tries to talk to me, I told her to talk to the lawyer.

Snowbirdy · 2022-05-15T05:03:42+00:00

You can even do lump sum - that’s what I did. If your lawyer is any good you can get it set to a point in the future, like 5 years.

My final settlement was 30% less than my initial offer. I like the exploding offer strategy “this is my best offer. You have a week to accept. My next offer is going to be worse.”

akihonj · 2022-05-15T14:53:01+00:00

Stop for a second and think about this. She cheated and left the home and is asking for custody, spousal support and the home.

No.

Don't make the offer, she broke the marriage and abandoned the children, time to counter by demanding child support from her, your income is irrelevant she's the mother and she has a financial duty to those children as much as you do.

As for the house, support, no, you don't support her, she damaged you and the family. If you're going to buy her out of the house you make a fair offer but remember you have the children, you're the one dealing with her mess.

Spousal support usually goes to the one not earning anything to give them time to get their lives in order, you said you earn more than her so I take it she's working. She doesn't get support to maintain her status or quality of life she gets support to ensure she doesn't end up on the streets, the fact she's working should disqualify her from support.

You need a lawyer.

Gxl4 · 2022-05-15T20:50:21+00:00

i’m willing to give you xxxx

Never works.

Give them a finger and they want an arm, and if they can, they will chop that arm off just under your head.

Get a lawyer like YESTERDAY, fuck dude, i get you want to get it over with but hell, if you have 500k to spare, better make it a fucking good lawyer.

Stop all contact, everything goes through the lawyer, You’ll thank yourself later.

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-17T03:03:31+00:00

As a lawyer, I think it is best for the parties to circumvent the lawyers whenever possible to reach settlement through direct negotiations. That said, your approach is weak and she will light you up. If she knows you want to end it, she will prolong it. As divorce is a zero sum game, you need to appeal to her best interests and desires, not your own. And in most cases, not even mutual desires are that effective. It needs to be more assertive or aggressive. "The more I spend on my lawyer, the less you're going to get." Approach is sound, usually.

24cce57a · 2022-05-18T07:52:34+00:00

Please don't talk to her. It's only going to turn into an emotional shit show on one side or the other.

Stick with communication through attorneys. It's over. It's time to act like it.

Title	Talking Directly to SBTX ..
Author	david10277
Upvotes	6
Comments	18
Date	May 15, 2022 12:25 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/upu37d/talking_directly_to_sbtx/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/talking-directly-to-sbtx.1114193 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114193

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