Hey gents,

I’ve been really thinking lately it might be time to seriously considering divorcing my wife. We have been together a total of 13 years, married 6. We have two kids-4 years old and almost 2. To be honest it’s a lot of the normal type things that can’t ever seem to be fixed. Sex, money, communication, etc. I’ll try to explain some things in detail without going overboard and I know I’ll forget a lot. Mainly trying to get some insight/advice from both sides. Those of you that threw in the towel as well as some who fixed things. I’m all ears.

We started dating in high school. Sex has always been our #1 issue. My wife is pretty “vanilla” and isn’t one to take initiative often or try new things. I’d say on average we might have sex once every other month and that might honestly still be pushing it. Often when it does happen it’s because she’s finally tired of me saying something or out of guilt. I have bought toys, games, outfits you name it literally anything to try to help with no success. We have went almost a year without any action whatsoever and multiple 4-6 month spells. It’s like she doesn’t get anything out of it. I consider myself a decent looking guy and maintain a pretty good physique so I don’t think there’s any issues there.

Like many women, my wife spends money like it’s water. We aren’t struggling to pay bills but if I spent money like she does we surely would be. I’ve tried budgeting, offering separate accounts so she could have a free range amount of money to do as she pleases etc but she turns it all down. Almost every single day I come home to packaged on my porch. She works part time so she can spend more time with the kids and just straight up doesn’t want to work full time. I don’t have a problem with that as I’ve offered for her to stay home full time but she doesn’t want to.

Communication-oh boy this is probably the biggest one. I never know what’s going on. It’s like I’m a ghost. Whether it be the kids, money, plans, family I absolutely have no clue what’s going on. And when I say things like disciplining the kids, my opinion on this or that, if I’d like to go here or there etc it’s like I don’t even exist. I know that might not be the best explanation but that’s it. I feel like I’m a nobody. She spends sooooo much effort on pleasing everyone else but me. I’ve tried to plan date nights and it never happens. Yet she constantly goes to wineries, her parents beach house, dinner with friends etc. She has people over without me knowing (especially her parents) like I’m talking no knock just walk in my house no matter the time of day. I’ve told her I hate this but she doesn’t care. Plenty of times I come home from work and the kids are gone with her parents and I had no clue. I’ve tried offering counseling and I even bought a counseling book to try at home and she shows zero interest. She likes to just tell me to leave if I’m not happy.

I could go on and on but don’t want to bore anyone. I feel like things really started to plummet after my 4 year old was born. (2 year old was a whoops). To sum it up my wife is in denial. She can’t take blame for anything. Anytime I bring up an issue we need to work on she says “well if you would do this/that/here/there etc” I’ve tried it all and it still doesn’t make a difference. I feel like I do a lot. I’m a damn good dad, give them a comfortable life. Do all of the grocery shopping, cooking, outside chores, probably 50% of the cleaning, and so many “little things” she always says goes a long way but clearly not. I’m tired of feeling like a nobody in my own house. My wife is a good mom and not a bad person and I don’t want to see her fall on her face, however I’m afraid she will try to take everything she can (kids, house, money etc). How did you know it was time to end it…when you knew nothing would ever change? I’m trying to make my New Year’s resolution to be happy. Because it’s been years.