If you read my previous two posts it’ll give you a background.

I got home from work about 8:20. I usually get home around 12:20, so she wasnt expecting me. I told her I left work early so we could talk and she said ok.

I wrote out what I was going to say in my iPhone notes and told her I needed to read it so I don’t get emotional or miss anything. It was pretty much exactly what I wrote in my previous post. When I was done, I asked her to give me her honest opinion.

The first thing she said was “I don’t know if I want to work on our marriage or get a divorce.” That was all I needed to hear. If someone is told they have a choice between getting divorced or working on their marriage, and their answer isn’t emphatically that they want to work on their marriage, then they want to get divorced.

We spoke for about 30 minutes, and by the end of the conversation, it was apparent that the only reason she was staying married to me is because I bring in a steady paycheck twice a month and provide her with security.

So today I went to a different bank and opened up my own accounts. And I set up the banking app. It might seem small, but for me it was a huge first step. When she got home I told her. I asked her to write out a list of all our monthly expenses and I will give her half and keep the rest of the money I earn. I get paid this Friday. But after that I’m going to change my direct deposit to my new account. She seemed a bit shocked and saddened and said “Wow we’re really doing this?” I figure it’ll either make her realize that this is real and that we really have to change. Or she’ll think if I’m no longer a paycheck, she might as well go ahead with divorce. What use am I if not a paycheck and security blanket.

I’m going to wait until New Years. I want to spend one last Christmas as a family. If she makes a genuine effort I will reciprocate. I don’t have any expectations so I can’t be disappointed. If nothing changes I will file as soon as the courts open after New Years. I love her to the pits of my soul. But this isn’t what I want from a marriage. I’m surprised at how little sadness I feel. Today I felt like a huge wait had been lifted off my chest. I can breathe. I’m not happy about it. But I’m hopeful.

Thanks for reading. It really helped me a lot to type this out.