Venting methods

3x15 · 2023-03-23T19:24:12+00:00

I set up a cheapo DIY home gym in my shed. Almost everything I have is used - heavy bag, kettle bell, dumb bells, pull up/dip station. Just wear yourself out physically. Long walks help too.

I also listen to a lot of heavy music, specifically doom and hardcore.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2023-03-23T19:43:09+00:00

The Iron Gods listen to such prayers.

Many men ignore Brodin’s call to lift. How can we deal with life’s problems if we cannot lift a piece of iron that cares not about us?

You will become a better you in every respect.

LIFT!!!

CRobinsFly · 2023-03-23T23:39:28+00:00

Gym. Gym. And more gym.

Planet fitness. 10/mo Build your own gym in your house (can find old bowflexes for 50 bucks in most areas).

Just don't sit there and drink. Infact, don't even drink at all.

Signal1469 · 2023-03-23T22:21:26+00:00

Two things have worked for me more than anything else.

One is sitting with the feelings, allowing them to exist, noticing where they are (body, not mind!), observing and accepting. They're happening to you, but they are not you. Kind of the opposite of venting really. If this is hard, meditation could help.

The other is lifting weights.

Patriot0811 · 2023-03-23T22:48:14+00:00

Easy answer as men. It’s the gym like many mentioned. I got ridiculously jacked. Just been hammering the gym for a couple years now.

samk002001 · 2023-03-23T23:04:34+00:00

Hit the gym. Boxing (sandbag), martial art, and I personally think a long walk is the best to regulate anger, frustration and emotions.

TinkerSquirrels · 2023-03-24T02:12:12+00:00

Heavy bag at home (learn how to protect your wrists and such). Lifting/gym. If you're in to some form of group sport, do some of that.

Get some regular time in nature. This is good for life, not just now...humans need it.

If there is some hobby or interest that coincides with helping a group or some volunteer work, see if it's for you. Helping maintain trails, arboretum kids garden, coaching, whatever. (For the geeks and urban folks among us...give it a shot. And it's fine if you're out maintaining geocaches, taking water samples to examine while you kayak, or whatever too -- work it in to your interests.)

If you've got a pet, assume they might not be feeling great too, and give them some extra care attention. (I wouldn't get a new pet during this time though, unless it's something you've been unable to do and longing for during the relationship...just be careful, it can be nice to be flexible/mobile during these periods.)

Meditation and introspection have their place too. Learn how to observe and actually feel your feelings. (A few screaming rants somewhere safe can be helpful, as loud and intense as you can. But once you're past that, work on how to continue past it...it should be a short term thing.)

Find some music that takes hold if you brain and won't let go.

Once you've done all you can, and have reached steady state in the divorce, decide to be unattached to the rest of what your ex does. It's all good, and will get no rise out of you. Future stuff, think of it more like a business partner you decided to part ways with. (I don't have kids, so not commenting on that big aspect.)

At the same time, I'd be careful of simply latching on to everything that you can use to hide from your emotions, it's easy to be a flailing very busy distracted octopus but not feel any better. Deal with them. Once you can, map out what you want and how you'll get there. If it's more than temporary, let it mellow a bit to be sure though -- if you considering other big things, like say a career shift, maybe do that once you're past the hurt with a clear head. Then proceed with intent.

Know you're now a better off more experienced human, even if the process sucks.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-03-23T20:49:40+00:00

Go to gym. Try to move some heavy weights while at the same time yelling “fuck you bitch” inside your head.

Running or exhausting cardio works for some people.

Try martial arts or boxing.

Shoot guns and use whatever visuals you want for the target.

Participate in competitive sports and take out your aggression on the opponent or the ball, racket, paddle, stick, bat, etc. Yelling is highly encouraged.

There are all these “smash rooms” opening up. You can try one of those.

Have lots of sex.

Or you can try dissipating the anger with yoga and meditation.

Most people require some combination of the above.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-03-24T00:45:42+00:00

I havent tried screaming aloud.

This worked wonders for me. Just hopped in the car and went for a little drive. Screamed all the nastiest shit that came to me about who she was, what she was doing, what she had done, what she did wrong, how she failed us, how she was behaving. It just erupted out of me once it started. Kind of scary. But then two things happened, after I stopped - I felt amazingly relaxed and peaceful, almost euphoric. Second, my urge to blow up or argue was muted, not gone but easily controllable.

throwaway7392747492 · 2023-03-24T06:41:44+00:00

There’s a lot of gym posts here but I found that was just an environment that made me anxious and I didn’t fit in to it at all, so to be a voice for perhaps those who aren’t exercise oriented people;

I had some good support from friends and room mates and neighbours and colleagues. I just talked things out and was very open, I didn’t allow myself to venture into drugs, or booze. I smoked for a bit but packed that in. The rest of it was just good diet and a lot of reading, some therapy, and talking things through with people who helped me keep it all in perspective, both in terms of not demonizing myself but also not demonizing the ex.

it takes time and it takes work, it takes some strength too, but it’s all achievable, and you don’t always need to be a gym basher to get there.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-24T12:04:19+00:00

Before I adopted Stoicism and meditation practices, I used to embrace primal scream therapy. Let it flow, let it go felt good. Over time I came to realize I couldn't control other people's behavior, only my reaction to their behavior. It takes practice, and even five years later I'm not perfect about it. But my life isn't controlled by my emotions anymore.

Title	Venting methods
Author	alteregolife
Upvotes	6
Comments	18
Date	March 23, 2023 6:14 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11zsj7v/venting_methods/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/venting-methods.1186569 https://theredarchive.com/post/1186569

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