Where to compromise financially?

FunkyTownMascot · 2023-03-25T21:41:57+00:00

It's always risky to liquidate a tax-protected account. My ex essentially drained mine with QDROs to finance her attorney. That bitch bled me dry in marriage and in divorce. What did I do wrong? Gave her wonderful children, saved her from essentially being homeless, gave her a good life when she had nothing, and the bitch still reamed me in court later.

gnackered · 2023-03-25T21:05:23+00:00

How long married? Kids (how many, how old)? Value of the house and mortgage?

You seem to be assuming you have a lot of options in a state that isn't too friendly for men.

The 3% note if it has her name on it will likely need to be refi'd at market rates.

No-Exit6560 · 2023-03-25T23:02:33+00:00

You need to take an active role in your kids life, tell your lawyer you want 50:50 custody.

This is going to cost you a pound of flesh, no doubt but your kids are worth it.

Consult a lawyer, do not be nice, do not agree to anything in writing.

LongWalksAtSunrise · 2023-03-25T19:58:56+00:00

Talk to a certified divorce financial planner

NothingIsEverEnough · 2023-03-25T22:03:29+00:00

You’ll need to refi the note on the home if both your names are on it.

Your alimony obligation can be as high as 13 years. (80% of length of marriage)

So, I doubt you’ll just give her the 401k and keep the house. It doesn’t sound like you can pay off 13 years of alimony in a lump sum unless you’re hiding a stash of cash. “* ...the amount of alimony should generally not exceed the recipient's need or 30 to 35% of the difference between the parties' gross incomes established at the time of the order being issued.*”

If you want to keep the house, her attorney will recommend that you pay her out immediately. You will not be afforded a 10 year plan.

I think your goals are correct

offer incentives to avoid alimony. I fucken hate sending that check every month. I can’t imagine doing that for 13 years.

if you want to keep the house, you’ll be expected to cash her out. The same goes for her, if she’s keeping it.

So, I think you’ll need to disclose more numbers here, like income, mortgage and value of home to get a more realistic view

ciscokid12345 · 2023-03-26T15:51:47+00:00

Very similar financial situation here in Ca.

The house will need to be sold or a party buy out the other immediately. i got $250,000 from the sale. she got 50% of the 401k with a $3000 QDRO that i paid for. she got lifetime alimony at $700 a month. I got 50/50 custody which i pay $1400 a month in support for my two kids. i pay for the kids insurance and claim one on my taxes.

i paid off her car to get my name off the loan and changed the title. i sold all the stocks and half the 401k to pay for my attorneys fees over a two and a half year trial. i made the cash in my checking disappear. i kept my motorhome and my jeep both paid off and early 2000s with high mileage.

pk2at · 2023-03-26T00:47:19+00:00

You have to negotiate with her, any chance you can gift any of those assets to a friend/relative or reduce your income through a break in employment? One negotiating tactic is that you will quit your job and take a lower paying one if you are forced to sell the house

BosPatriot71 · 2023-03-25T21:19:55+00:00

Not sure how much you owe on the mortgage. One strategy I’m taking is giving her 65-70% of home sale proceeds to dramatically lower my monthly spousal support. We’re over 20 years married so I owe for life. It’s almost like money I’ve never seen so it doesn’t hurt as much. Our home is just about paid off, and has tripled in value in 20 years. Definitely talk with a financial advisor who specializes in divorce.

CaliDude75 · 2023-03-26T04:37:30+00:00

In my case, I gave my ex the house in exchange for keeping all of my investments and retirement accounts. On paper, she came out about 60/40 ahead, but I knew in time my investments would probably be worth as much or more as her equity in the house. No kids. Court accepted the uncontested settlement without issue. 🤷🏻‍♂️

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-03-26T15:40:27+00:00

My gut reaction (not a legal opinion!) is that you could end up in front of an old fashioned judge who concludes: Mom and the kids are doing just fine in the house. So, why change anything?

So, the judge proceeds under the idea that you need to somehow finance his plan meanwhile finding your own place to live. Of course, the law requires equitable division, so how the other stuff gets split will all revolve around the house. I guess my point is that it may not be up to you to decide what gets split and where. In fact, HER lawyer can argue that mom and kids belong in the house -- and with you being the breadwinner, it's up to you to finance it all.

Just a warning, I suppose. I mean, the judge can easily ask you, "Do you think mom and the kids belong in some cramped apartment?" Just asking the question alone makes you the asshole.

Good luck. Again, this is just my first impression. I understand you're going for 50/50 custody. But her lawyer is very likely coming from the perspective of "I'm here to protect the mom and kids and keep them safe and secure in a life they already know, blah, blah...." Some judges eat that up.

MedCityCPA · 2023-03-27T10:32:58+00:00

Take all assets, subtract all liabilities, and divide the remainder into two. That is what you will receive.

Things to consider: - Is your & ex's income guaranteed for 8-10 years? If not, then how are you thinking about a lump sum? - Can you sleep at night with the extra liability of alimony? Or would you be better with a lump sum of pay-it-and-done? - Do you want to date again? Do you think a potential spouse would like the idea of a portion of your income going to a prior woman?

TLDR - A lot of things can change in the future. I'd do what make you sleep best at night.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-27T12:10:37+00:00

If you pay lump sum SS, then do it at a discount (60-65% of what you would pay over the term).

Attorneys are not financial advisors. You need to figure out finances yourself.

> figure out a 10 year plan to pay off her equity in the house?

She isn't going to accept a 10 year plan for equity. She wants her money today.

> Assuming i can get 50 50 custody.

Good luck with that in MA.

Title	Where to compromise financially?
Author	alteregolife
Upvotes	6
Comments	30
Date	March 25, 2023 7:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/121vyf6/where_to_compromise_financially/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/where-to-compromise-financially.1187889 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187889

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