Broke up last week after over 20 years together. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Nobody can tell you when enough is enough. You just feel that it’s truly never going to get better and you just can’t do it anymore.

I still love my ex, I care deeply for her and I want her to come out of this stronger too. Telling her I was moving out was heartbreaking, telling the kids just about broke me.

Things at home were fine, we got along mostly, but she’d get really upset at things I found were minor. She didn’t respect me anymore, didn’t value me. I think she started seeing me as just someone else to have to take care of.

What really put me over the edge was our family trip we took recently. For the first time in a very long time, we had a hotel room to share to just ourselves for 4 nights. I was obviously excited at the idea that we’d finally have sex, since it had been a couple months.

The first night we were both tired, I was hoping it I didn’t push it.

The second night, I felt she was almost avoiding me, like she knew I expected sex, but she was doing her thing, reading a book, almost purposefully trying not to spend time with me.

When it came time to go to bed, she obliged but wasn’t into. I tried starting off by kissing her, but she didn’t want me to kiss her. She was sorta just letting me do my thing, but wasn’t into it at all.

I started kissing and touching her body, pretty much no response or interest.

I asked if she wanted to suck me off, she said no. Ok fine.

I pulled down her underwear and started going down on her. She seemed to like it for a bit but I could feel she was not fully engaged. I started feeling like I was forcing her, why is she not into this at all?

It had been a while, it was a nice vacation, we were all having fun. But when it came to just us two, she just wasn’t into me anymore.

I almost stopped because I couldn’t believe what was happening, but I told myself come on, how often does she let you do anything? The stress got the better part of me, I lost my erection.

She wanted me to just get it done but when she saw I wasn’t hard, she said I wasn’t into her and let’s just stop. I tried telling her no I just wanted her to be more into it, but it was turning into an argument.

Right there, I saw what was happening. Even in the most perfect circumstances, she would find a way to deny me sex. Make it clear she was no so not into it that it would be unsexy.

I pushed away from her and actually started hyperventilating, just the weight of the reality of our relationship bearing down on me. Realizing it was never going to get better. That we would go home after this trip, no sex, not any closer, and our life would just go on.

We argued a bit and I did what I always do, apologize for my behaviour and we eventually went to bed.

We are both good at burying resentment, so we had a good vacation.

But when I got back home, I realized it was over.

I took a bit of time to think about it all, and realized a failed relationship, despite its length and everything built together, is not a failure. That I deserve happiness, and that I likely wont ever feel fulfilled with her.

I told her a couple weeks after.

Now I’m living on my own. The first week was hard. I’m not looking to date or anything, but I can see my new life.

I hope the kids don’t hate me for it, I think they get it too.

It’s a tough decision to make but I’m glad I did.