When did you realize what you do will never be enough?

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-05-09T08:00:12+00:00

Said this before on the board, but I got my wife a live in housekeeper 6 days a week, something that for should have been for both of us a ludicrous luxury (both of us from lower middle class backgrounds).

And one day she claimed it was a "Mental Load" for her to make a grocery list for the housekeeper. But I couldn't do it because "I'd forget things and do it wrong", the whole tone being that it was an imposition of me onto her somehow... to have a live in housekeeper almost every day of the week.

That was the beginning of me taking stock of the inventory.

The term "Mental Load" irks me whenever I read or hear it. Just oozes ungratefulness, entitlement, etc. esp. in the context of regular normal household chores.

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-05-06T12:11:29+00:00

The last 6 years of my marriage, my ex-wife seemed to be green with envy. We lived on one income (my income) and she worked side jobs keeping all of the money for herself. I went into debt. I ended up draining my 401k because of bills and trying to make ends meet. My ex didn't help with the bills even though she was making money on the side and hoarding it. She would tell me, "You got yourself into this mess. Get yourself out." There was no teamwork, my marriage was a essentially a dictatorship with my ex-wife being the dictator. She would say, "I'm rich and you are poor. I didn't marry to be poor." My ex at this point was on Facebook and soon TikTok posting content about her glam life and here I am struggling and bearing all of the brunt of her mental and physical abuse. Constant negative reinforcement and insults daily. She got to the point where she had no respect for me and only cared about what was good for her and the kids. She went out and bought a new closet full of clothes and donated all of my stuff. It got to the point where she had the entire walk in closet with her purses, shoes and clothes. I was reduced to taking to the coat closet in the front of the house. She was constantly raiding my closet and getting rid of my clothes in retaliation for things I did wrong or messed up in her eyes. She would tell me how much of a loser I was daily and how much of an F@#k up I was. Day in and day out. She is a narcissist and literally told me to my face about how she was so much better than me in every way. In the end, she got what she wanted, a divorce and the house. Of course, she bought me out and now is working two jobs to pay for it. Me? I am free and she bought me out. Now I can start my life without the anchor in my life....

InfluenceIntrepid564 · 2025-05-03T20:58:06+00:00

I can remember saying to my STBXW years ago that she was never happy and always wanted the next “thing”. A newer / different house or car, a “better” holiday and I realised that a lot of the time moments were turned into pictures that were only taken for the sole purpose of uploading them to Facebook for probably a handful of people to “like” them! Everything became about what everyone else was doing. We aren’t quite divorced yet and are still living together with our 2 kids but I’m just looking forward to the future now as to be honest I am not high maintenance and don’t go around seeking likes on social media myself. There must be other women out there who are happy with what they’ve got, I’m looking forward one day to hopefully finding someone more aligned to my own values.

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-05-03T20:03:27+00:00

When? Largely irrelevant.

The important thing is that you’ve now realized it.

If it wasn’t finances, it would be something else (you don’t give her enough hugs or some such bullshit).

Probably the most important thing is that you get your kids (if you have any) away from this type of behavior. Life shouldn’t be a constant competition. It’s nice to actually enjoy it.

I’m loving becoming more of a minimalist.

Grafixx5 · 2025-05-03T19:33:20+00:00

When she told tricked me into having our first kid and then told me she cheated on me after 20 months of marriage, then said you suck at everything you do including sex and kissing.

Then apologized but the guard was back up. One I took down for HER only because I had been hurt and used by women before.

Now, want to know the funny thing? SHE filed for divorce and is telling everyone that I’m bipolar because after 20years of me rolling over and letting her have her way throughout the entire marriage, I’m now standing up for myself, fighting for custody of our kids and not giving into everything she wants like I used to. But apparently to her, her friends and family, I’m bipolar for it cause I should just continue to roll over during the divorce and let her have her way for destroying my family and me….

jimsmythee · 2025-05-03T14:22:56+00:00

It was January a number of years back. Now exwife and I were in the kitchen. She was bitching at me that all that I was doing, wasn’t good enough. She had totaled 2 cars the previous year, and she wanted another car. She refused to work, as being a SAHM was her job. She basically told me that I needed to step up and get a second job.

That’s when I told her “I have given up” and I wanted to divorce.

HerbEverstanks · 2025-05-03T12:48:08+00:00

I was told by a family member and other coworkers that our finances should be in a joint account. I was hesitant for about the first 7 or 8 years of marriage, as I was making sure (and paying for) apartment rent/mortgage, utilities, car payments, etc.

I tried the joint account thing for 2 months. Both months there was about $20 left in that account after all bills were paid. She would drain the account out for alcohol and cigarettes.

Boglehead101 · 2025-05-03T09:49:16+00:00

My materialistic wife is in a permanent state of general unhappiness. She has a shopping and Codeine addiction, moving from one dopamine rush to another.

She refuses to drive any other make of car but Landrover and spends all her money on herself. Hair, nails, eyebrows, waxing, Botox, diamonds, fast fashion, it doesn’t end.

Never has a penny saved. I pay all the bills with no help from her.

Surrounded by friends and family that have achieved a lot she expects everything while being feckless with money herself, choosing to even work part time before we even had children.

The women in marriages she compares herself with are all self made career women.

Now her perpetual state unhappiness has led her to wanting a divorce. I tried to reason with her but that phase has now well passed for me.

I will enjoy not having her leech off me for the lifestyle she is accustomed while denying me even a warm embrace or kiss. Thankfully alimony is not a thing in my country, women who divorce are expected to pay for themselves.

Comfortable-Might240 · 2025-05-03T09:39:57+00:00

My stbxw had me arrested under false charges, put a restraining order against me and my small children, essentially made me homeless, and opened dcf cases against me. My lawyer kept going on about optics, how I had to support her as a mother, and how things would look bad in court if I acted pissed. I was so spun around and felt like a bad guy too. Therefore I agreed at some point to let her have our car, and parked it for her to pick up, which would've left me carless and made my life double fucked.

I was taking an Uber away from the car I left her to go back to work. The Uber driver was an older guy. He told me about his own retaining order in his youth, the ways in which women had tried to screw him over, and he got me all riled up about the car situation. He ended up driving me miles back to our car, and I took it back, and told her fuck you, you can't have it. I swear that Uber driver was my guardian angel sent by God himself to aid me; I really needed that car and it was then that I realized it didn't make a difference what I did for her or how much I gave. I don't know how much further I would've fallen down the drain if that Uber driver didn't talk me out of letting her have our car. She was on infinite vindictive bitch mode trying to screw me over, and that's still true to this day years later despite all I've done for her. She always was miserable, even moreso when the times were better. No car, money, kind words or anything will ever change her disordered mind

Title	When did you realize what you do will never be enough?
Author	Level_Cash2225
Upvotes	52
Comments	38
Date	May 3, 2025 6:37 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kdmkic/when_did_you_realize_what_you_do_will_never_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-did-you-realize-what-you-do-will-never-be.1551317 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551317

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