When do you just surrender?

crypto_keeper88 · 2021-07-13T18:48:24+00:00

Go to trial! Stop negotiating with her!

NothingIsEverEnough · 2021-07-13T18:44:41+00:00

It’s your negotiations that are dragging on. You could have brought it to trial a long time ago and have everything settled there.

You still have to option to simply move everything to trial.

My divorce dragged on, just like yours, cause I thought we’d be able to agree eventually. I was wrong. Just toss everything in front of a judge and be done with it.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-07-13T19:15:42+00:00

> I work part time, she's full time.

That's not sufficient for CS. Your income will be imputed at full-time, even if you just work part-time. CS is a formula. Plug in incomes into the calculator, and it spits out a number.

CS also can't be negotiated away. States have guidelines for CS that they are financially incentivized by the federal government to enforce.

> I've had enough and am willing to just surrender

Falling on your sword is the number one reason why men get shitty divorce deals. Suck it up -- if not for you, then for your kids.

> I'm on my second attorney and she just refuses to settle.

First of all, sending offers back and forth is a WOMBAT: waste of money, brains and time. There is no incentive for either party to settle. It only generates billable hours. You need to manage your attorney.

95% of divorces are finalized prior to trial. If you want to settle, then you schedule mediation. Your judge is going to order mediation anyway, because judges do not have the time nor inclination to hear your divorce without you both trying to resolve it first like adults. The trick is to also schedule the final hearing (aka trial) so it's on the calendar as a backstop before mediation starts. This provides a huge incentive for parties to come to an agreement during the mediation process. The thought of letting a stranger in robes -- who your wife has no influence over -- make life impacting decisions around her divorce will create a sense of dread so she'll be motivated to come to an agreement during mediation. A woman's imagination is your best weapon against her in divorce. Even if your wife doesn't agree to anything during mediation, expect there to be an 11th hour agreement made outside of the courtroom the day of trial. It's a loooong walk up the courthouse steps, and it's typically enough to overcome her cognitive dissonance long enough to get a deal.

MartyMcFly7 · 2021-07-13T19:29:52+00:00

Right there with you. 2 years and still in the same house. It's driving me nuts.

After a year and a half of her refusing to budge, I asked for a court date. It's been 6 months and we still don't have a date. We've continued negotiating, but every time she comes back she seems to be asking for more, not less. (I'm not sure she knows how negotiation works.)

She earns about the same as I do but is asking for $40K more than our house appraised for, 100% of her legal fees ($24,000 so far), and 2/3rds of my take-home pay. It's just ridiculous.

So as others have suggested, when you're stuck with someone who refuses to be reasonable, you just have to go to trial.

portlandobserver · 2021-07-13T19:38:30+00:00

We've got a trial date, it's just the cost involved. The lawyer of course wants something like a $10-$20k retainer for trial. I'm also concerned she's going to do some sort of bizarre surprise witness or trap thing at trial.

Is going to trial with no lawyer and just hoping for the basics (50/50 split, divide the house) even an option or will I get screwed?

walkingdisaster4046 · 2021-07-13T21:03:35+00:00

I am 14 months in. As soon as she failed to respond and negotiate in response to an offer, I filed for trial. Focus on what you can control. Go to trial. It’s your biggest lever to pull.

FoxWitz · 2021-07-14T02:42:20+00:00

Bad mentality man. Stand your ground and fight for what is right. Be fair even though she isn’t but for god’s sake never surrender. When has that ever worked out to be productive in any circumstances? I know things are hard and the stress and confusion makes us feel helpless which begins to make us loose the desire to fight. This is exactly what they want and expect. Are you going to give it to them or show them they were wrong about you?

Mavik52 · 2021-07-13T19:14:59+00:00

Your attorney can request a trial date. Once on the books, most women will actually start to listen to their attorneys and settle before the day comes. Just have your attorney request the date.

Qxc4 · 2021-07-13T19:05:37+00:00

Can you work full time? Lots of jobs out there today.

toooldforthisnonsens · 2021-07-13T19:22:56+00:00

I asked for a trial date from the start. Negotiations can happen up until the second you step into court.

portlandobserver · 2021-07-14T09:56:03+00:00

She's just trying to run down your finances so you quit, and looking at your OP...it's a strategy that seems to be working. The only people that benefit are the blood sucking lawyers....

WartimeDad · 2021-07-14T16:52:11+00:00

Some women just need to go to trial. They been on the victim horse too long to get off without a trial. They enjoy dragging you along. I have no answers for you. Wish I did. Sorry you’re in this situation and I’m disgusted by her actions. Hang in there.

Title	When do you just surrender?
Author	portlandobserver
Upvotes	7
Comments	26
Date	July 13, 2021 6:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ojlqi6/when_do_you_just_surrender/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-do-you-just-surrender.816509 https://theredarchive.com/post/816509

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