Comparison and women's types...how to overcome?

GladysSchwartz23 · 2024-10-16T18:52:06+00:00

I'm not saying this to play any sort of nonsense game about who has it worse, but rather to empathize: men talk about how women aren't their type and pick our appearances to shreds EVERYWHERE. just look around this site for a minute or two -- there are literally dudes who will call Taylor Swift "mid" and declare ordinary women basically subhuman.

I hope that gives you some perspective when I say: I'm a stubby little potato shaped lady with little beady eyes, and I've literally had guys I was DATING tell me I'm not their type! (Boners don't lie, so not being their ideal certainly didn't mean they didn't find me attractive at all.) Ordinary lumpy people of any gender need to keep this shit in perspective: nobody is looking at us from across a crowded room and thinking "hubba hubba, holy shit, I'm going to marry that person."

HOWEVER: I've compensated for it by using what I have, which is a keen and unique sense of style and a big mouth. These haven't magically transformed me into the dating-world equivalent of a supermodel, but throwing myself into online dating again and again and again and again equipped with these strengths have landed me many dates over the years with the kinds of guys who appreciate a stylish broad with opinions, and finally, I wound up finding the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with. Who, it sounds like, doesn't look that different from you!

Lean into your strengths, don't take your weaknesses too personally, and remember that if no woman wanted a guy who looks like you, none of your ancestors would have reproduced and you wouldn't exist. Good luck!

treatment-resistant- · 2024-10-16T18:39:04+00:00

'Competition' is probably too black and white a way to describe dating and relationships. People are looking for different things and have different standards, not in a race to be number one at the same thing. From your post history it looks like you live in a more conservative and uniform culture, so I can see how it might seem like there's a narrow ideal for being a man/woman, what success looks like etc. But I think that is a reflection of your community's values, rather than a universal truth.

I would suggest to avoid/block content online about women's types, consider seeing a therapist about unpacking this feeling of competition to try and process it and understand where its coming from, and try to broaden your social circles so you're meeting new people who don't all subscribe to a more narrow view of the world (which might involve travel or moving).

Justwannaread3 · 2024-10-16T18:18:39+00:00

You don’t have to listen or seek out that online content (which, if you keep seeing it, means your algorithms are feeding it to you).

VisceralSardonic · 2024-10-16T19:55:31+00:00

"Type" is an estimate, really. I have personally almost never dated someone who I would describe as my physical type, but that doesn't minimize my attraction to them at all. I'm into people with dark hair and intense eyes, but my partner is not that at all. I'm still constantly and wildly attracted to him, and I know tons of relationships that are the same way-- to the point that I'm not sure if I can think of ANY of my friends who are dating someone they would have described as their type before meting them.

If I'm on a dating app and I see that the person is looking for someone to take sixty mile long bike rides and go to church with, I'm pretty sure that I'm not their type. I don't bike and I'm not religious, and neither is better or worse. That's the version of "type" that seems more useful, but even that is incomplete, since I know plenty of happy couples where he goes out every morning to ride 60 miles and she does her own thing, or whatever.

There are a few people who get so hyperfixated on type that they're not open to getting to know people, which is an issue that's completely ungendered, and is more about that person being shallow and limited in their thinking. I've seen guys have a great conversation and great chemistry with a woman and shut her down because her tits aren't big enough, while I've seen women do a similar version with guys. Relationships are far more complicated than "muscular, blond hair, sporty," though, because it describes nothing other than first impressions and the most basic elements of lust. If you're leaning on only that, your relationship will probably be similarly shallow. Type is NEVER a circle that contains all of what someone is attracted to, let alone the functions of a day to day relationship. Dating apps show about three qualities, so it ends up looking like you're buying a house with the only descriptors being Big Front Room, Yellow, and Wood. Yes, people might prefer Yellow to Orange disproportionately when that's the only descriptor given, but it doesn't mean that a tiny, yellow converted office building in downtown Houston is going to be a large Italian family's ideal type. They would much prefer the orange tuscan villa with a beautiful porch swing that also happens to be near their school and work.

Use type to guess if you'll likely be a good fit, but don't look at it as inferior or superior, because that has nothing to do with it. People like to think that they understand themselves and what they're looking for, so they look for patterns in a massively chaotic, unquantifiable part of life-- just the way that people pretend that TRP is a system of objective rules rather than a bunch of stereotypes, guesstimates, and wild generalizations. I would turn down a tall, dark haired, handsome, rich, chiseled, etc. dude in a HEARTBEAT if he wasn't emotionally intelligent. My funny, interesting, helpful, loving, handsome, not-dark-haired, not rich partner is my dream man because of the tens of millions of tiny categories where he meets and exceeds my needs, not because he meets four out of six basic appearance points.

This ended up being longer than I meant it to be, but don't worry about being everyone's type. You won't be, because no one is--even the "chad" dudes who seem to be more handsome or tall or whatever. Focus on the life that you want to live with a partner and whether they want to live the same kind of life. You'll end up falling for someone who meets very little of your 'list', because almost everyone does.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-10-16T19:47:40+00:00

People are always going to have types. I imagine you have a type too. Instead of seeing it like competition and where you don't fit in. Find something that chooses you. Or focus on the positive qualities about yourself and grow those.

Focus on what you do have. And align yourself with people that choose that.

Desperate_Key6142 · 2024-10-16T21:23:50+00:00

Cut off social media. I am serious. Being surrounded by images of attractive women and your friends can really sap your confidence. I know that once I cut off Instagram, I felt an immediate increase in confidence as I wasn't constantly watching trashy sexual content. If you can't cut off all social media, at least get rid of Instagram
Take the time to learn about yourself. Self-knowledge creates confidence, and the only way you can really get that is by putting yourself in new situations. Become an adventurer of sorts finding new clubs places and people to know.
Focus on taking care of yourself, and that creates a larger sense of pride. Buy yourself things you like, try new types of hair gel, etc. Do what you can to make yourself look and feel good.
Stay social, though. Continue to bond with friends, etc. Keep up those relationships.

Doing all these will help you raise your confidence, and that is one of the most important elements of dating. And confidence won't attract women like a magnet but more often means that you are not afraid of losing. So you are more likely to try because you are no longer playing, not to lose. If a girl rejects you, you are so used to having fun in your own life that you don't need to ruminate and feel negative. You just move on.

I understand that for a lot of people, they understand that the RP is wrong, but they do not feel it is wrong. Their poor emotional state mixed in with frustration is what causes issues to begin with. Doing the things I listed will at least help you have better feelings about yourself.

SweelFor- · 2024-10-16T20:50:13+00:00

https://old.reddit.com/r/IncelExit/comments/1ae0oyw/here_is_an_extremely_important_concept_the/

xvszero · 2024-10-16T21:09:00+00:00

Where are you routinely out of the blue hearing women talk about types?

Jolly_Shallot_2355 · 2024-10-16T23:59:49+00:00

You’re overthinking it. Your biggest competition is your mind and self imposed limitations. Just be yourself, have hobbies and a life of your own. accept and love yourself and you’ll eventually meet the right person. Took me a long time but I found them. Type is a generality, not a super specific thing in my experience as a woman with woman friends and there are always exceptions. Everyone is worthy of affection and love and finding that special someone. Don’t give up :)

TheoryInternational4 · 2024-10-17T01:11:23+00:00

I don’t think I have a type. You have to be funny and at least your frontal lobe needs to be firing please. I’m definitely not going to church. But it is true people do think that they understand themselves so they will go with what’s familiar even if it’s not necessarily the bestpic. if we’re gonna have a conversation that is engaging and not boring. I think that’s quality time. People who get hyper fixated on the type usually it’s a type that’s way out of their league. sometimes I find it creepy where one person has dated multiple people that look so similar it could be the same person.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-10-17T04:22:05+00:00

easy: don't go out with these particular women. not all women have the same preferences. Also, just because a person, man or woman, says that something is their preference does not mean that is all they would date, or if they would realistically date that person at all.

Do not fall into the trap of assuming that all women are the same and want the same things.

amyilas · 2024-11-10T00:34:24+00:00

I'm not sure if this helps. It probably doesn't. But I'm a woman. The other day a few women friends of mine were discussing their "types." They all had the same type it seemed and were gushing about a certain kinda guy they were into.

I sat there and quietly ate my chili and waited for them to change the subject. Why? Because I was so genuinely baffled at why I didnt feel the same as them. The type of man they were describing would not be attractive to me. In fact, I'd briefly dated a man that they described by complete happenstance (I was set up it was not my choice) and dropped him after one date. They would've thought he was a dreamy sex god and I was just like... "meh."

I sat there quietly when my friends had that comvo because for some reason I was almost embarrassed to tell them the truth about what I like. It feels weird to have women around me gushing about some tall domineering tatted 6 pack abbed dude- like if I interrupt that by saying that the last guy who made me swoon was a slightly overweight guy a head shorter than me, or a vulnerable insecure guy who let me play with him the way I wanted to instead of coming at me all domineering- then I feel like they'll think theres something off with me.

So my point I guess is- contrary to what is perpetuated- women have different types. We have different things that get us off. Do the majority of women maybe seem to like a certain type of guy? Yeah. But a majority is still 51%. Theres a lot of room for differing opinion there. Hell, some women are genuinely not attracted to men period and prefer women for sex and relationships.

But honestly when I hear men complain about this- not directed at you OP- but its almost always complaining about a minority of women. The minority that are young, conventionally attractive and celebrity-like beautiful. Basically the queens and princesses of the current culturally attractive status quo. they dont actually care about the the opinions of the rest of us ordinary "peasant folk" (in appearance terms I mean). Because it some how got into many peoples heads that they are entitled to a partner thats far more conventionally attractive than they are and they get really angry or depressed and filled with grief when they realize how unlikely that is going to be a reality for them.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-10-16T18:09:11+00:00

What makes you bottom of the barrel?

nofrickz · 2024-10-16T20:32:05+00:00

A pattern I've seen a lot is men being upset when women have preferences.... as if men don't have preferences as well. Lately, there's been a barrage of men degrading women and using bullshit rhetoric like "hitting the wall" and etc. You live life through your insecurities and you're misplacing the blame onto women. You need to learn to actually love yourself and stop being bitter towards women. It doesn't do you any good. Seek out what makes you a good person and build on that.

AcanthaceaeAnnual589 · 2024-11-04T23:54:10+00:00

People who have 'types' are not implying those outside of this type are not attractive. People are allowed to just have personal preferences. I'm sure you do too! Some guys like tatted girls with dark hair and blue eyes and eyeliner and piercings. Does that make the blonde, tattoo-free girl next to him ugly all of a sudden?

Wild-Judgment-404 · 2024-10-16T22:14:42+00:00

As a woman, my friends and I have never sat discussing our "types," nor do we even talk about men much. I honestly think this is a projection from men, as I see things about the way women look absolutely everywhere, and I've lost count on how many men have commented on my appearance unsolicited.

Actually speak to women instead of just listening to what men on the internet say we're like.

Title	Comparison and women's types...how to overcome?
Author	OkAdagio4389
Upvotes	3
Comments	33
Date	October 16, 2024 6:01 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1g55rxg/comparison_and_womens_typeshow_to_overcome/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/comparison-and-womens-typeshow-to-overcome.1533200 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533200

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