Dating feels like pressure

thetruthishere_ · 2022-09-10T18:15:42+00:00

Its baloney with that over 25 garbage.

Most people today dont marry till late 20's/early 30's and they have the lowest divorce rates.

lilycamilly · 2022-09-10T13:42:29+00:00

You are SO YOUNG!!! Believe me, you have plenty of time to find a partner. In fact, I think it's really important for young people to spend a good amount of time single/not tied down so that they can learn who they really are as an individual. I'm 25F, in grad school, and living alone for the first time in my life. It's a smattering of things; lonely at times, but also very liberating, and has been helping me understand what I want out of life.

As someone who has had several serious relationships, even living with one for the better part of 2 years, it is always better to be alone than in a relationship you're not happy with. Spend time with friends; you're about to start uni! You're going to meet so many cool people and make so many friends and memories, please don't miss out on any of it for a boy. Understand that ANYTHING can happen in life, you have no idea today who you'll meet in the future and what you'll do. You can get jealous of every girl who talks to a boy that you see, but your future "mr. right" might be on the other side of the world right now. It's scary to think about, but this world is enormous. Focus on yourself, be kind to people, and pursue what makes you happy, and the overwhelming fear of possibility will all fall into place.

Also, there is no wall. I'm 25 and at my all-time hottest. There is no time limit, there is no finish line.

serd12 · 2022-09-10T13:33:53+00:00

Honestly I still think it feels like pressure, but then I ask myself if I want to feel pressured my whole life vs just be myself and hopefully find someone who vibes similarly enough to wife up a few years down the road lol

xenon128lol · 2022-09-10T13:45:02+00:00

everyone says that females become unattractive after 25

Who says that?? I am 29m. Women younger then 23 look like teenagers to me. I am most attracted to 25-32 range. As you age your attracted to people close to your age. Guys who are stuck only liking women under 25 are perverts.

LuisAndPT · 2022-09-10T17:34:32+00:00

I’m sorry you feel like that. Dating and love must always be organic never try to force them. It’s not true females become unattractive after 25 many women don’t start dating until that age believe it or not. As a men (and maybe women are different) I stopped caring honestly. I still want to find love joy build a family and all that but I don’t think actively worrying about these things will make them better. Anxiety and neediness are repulsive at least to women and I suspect men too. The reality is you have a lot of life ahead YOU HAVE TIME. As long as you’re the best version of yourself and putting yourself out in the world you will eventually find your own path to happiness. It won’t be easy or quick but life isn’t a race so it doesn’t really matter. Enjoy the ride do the best you can with what you have been given always try to improve and remember that you build your life and yourself step by step brick by brick there’s no “ultimate” moment that’s a Hollywood/Disney fantasy and believing it will make you miserable and undesirable. You’re young HAVE FUN. I hope this helps bye

Q-9 · 2022-09-10T12:15:48+00:00

First of all, why do you need a man? Relationships should enchance your life, not to dictate your life. What man wants is totally irrelevant on how you should live a life. What you actually want is the only important thing.

You should focus on what you want to be and how to achieve it. Study what you want, get fun hobbies, career or something else. If along the way you find a man that likes you as a whole, hobbies, personality, looks etc. all the better! Then you have your own thing going on already and someone great can make it greater.

Why would you want a man, who thinks women hit a wall at 25 years age, or subscibes to other RP stuff? If fertility and looks are most important for a man, all he wants from you is the body. The person who you are doesn't matter and relationship with such man is pure hell. Better be alone and thrive as those men keep up their dehumanizing fantasies alone.

Naus1987 · 2022-09-10T14:09:27+00:00

Pressure only happens if you have expectations.

The key to happiness is figuring out the right balance of finding the right amount of expectations compared to the pressure associated with them.

Peterselieblaadje · 2022-09-10T14:54:12+00:00

Take a break from dating for a while. It really helped me relight my fire.

John_Von_Doom · 2022-09-10T11:01:27+00:00

If you ever paid attention to the red pill you would know that women don't have to do much to be approached by men. Keep yourself together, go to uni, and men will approach. Go out with the ones you like and say no thank you to the rest. Most dates you go on you will not enjoy. In fact most dates are quite forgettable.

Also seems to me like you are letting TRP dictate what you should want as a woman. You never said what you wanted you just said what TRP said you should want and where you should be by x time. It's your life.

Also get off the internet women are looking good well into their 40's. Regina Hall is a dime and she is 50. The main takeaway here is diet and exercise.

EDIT:

After reading your other posts on this subreddit I genuinely believe you need professional help. This is becoming an obsession to you. Nobody here is equipped to help you relieve yourself of this burden. Stop consuming this content and stay off of subreddits related to it.

Mrischief · 2022-09-10T11:31:08+00:00

Intro As a guy later in life than you, i learned from the relationship i had what i wanted. Both children, marriage, etc.

And while i can see your point of concern, remember that the studies, topics, and discussions are mostly opinion based. (I say mostly to cover my ass). While there is truth behind some of the statistics that are done, some of it is being misrepresented.

Dating If you are dating 3 guys at once, is it not a chore that has to be ticked off ? My immediate suggestion would be to date one guy, for atleast 2-4 Dates, where you have to plan 2 of them. If you still do not like the person after 3-4 dates cut them loss. Take time to yourself to read, do what you like! The things that you enjoy and find pleasure in is part of who you are.

Intention Pure intent as to what exactly ? Not all man, not all women, not all humans are the same or our world would look very different than what it is.

The medical side you mention in the last bit, good on you for losing weight (i hope it is healthy!)

Dont become to obsessed about what the arrow on the scale say, what you think guys want is a HUGE spectrum:

Some men like men
1. others like booty
some like hips
others a pretty smile.

Some are vain, some are not, so dont mind that so much and be friendly / open to asking a guy out you like if a conversation happen.

Rejections will happen, it is normal and you will not find a guy right away, that is life!

2022-09-10T13:14:38+00:00

Is there anyone else who can't really enjoy dating anymore even after having mostly recovered from TRP?

Yeah, it's pretty brutal. Dealing with millions of fake dark triads on top of real ones is a nightmare.

Because everyone says that females become unattractive after 25,

Not everyone, Red Pillers. They do not dictate what everyone is attracted to.

instead I just wanted to go home and read.

I'm like this as well. Very introverted, I don't enjoy the pressure either because then I start to get irritable and I don't like being like that, but know there are guys just like you. Look for compatibility with your introversion if you need. Dating an extrovert can feel like a constant chore if you're introverted.

I feel like I need to sell myself to a man so I don't have to be completely desperate once I turn 25.

What happens, happens. You won't be cast aside simply because you're 25. Your value is more than being picked by a man.

'I need to be gain the attention of a dude as quick as possible, before another girl can do so'.

This is called FOMO. You think from your primal brain like this. This is fear of the unknown. Release this because you don't have control over it. Easier said than done, but try to catch yourself or repeat throughout the day, "I do not have any control over this." Eventually it does click.

I get angry everytime any girl talks to any dude, because it makes me feel like I am losing a potential partner to another woman. I know this is toxic af.

Envy and jealousy are normal human emotions, but they're ones that don't serve us well. Until you can attend therapy, maybe research ideas on how to quell these feelings. They come from somewhere. Source it out. It's usually a deep fear of something.

irissaa · 2022-09-10T14:45:09+00:00

omg YESSS i have these exact thoughts. and aging has now become my worst fear and idk about you i feel like i can’t take guys seriously because i end up thinking that if they become successful (which is obviously what i want) what will make them want to only be with me and not be with other girls because they have choices?

spiraldinosaur · 2022-09-10T15:37:56+00:00

Women do not become unattractive after 25. That's never been the case. There's absolutely no rush to find a man. You go dating when you feel like dating.

And many guys do have pure intentions when they date. Sure, a lot of men are just in it for themselves, but any are actually in the right place to be a good partner to you.

Even if, by some nonsense law, women did become unattractive after 25 - which they don't - you've got a whole 6 years before then. And as someone starting university next month, you will have no idea how much your life will change in that time and how much will happen. It's an enormous gulf of time for you to figure things out.

You do not need to revolve your life around attracting guys. That will happen anyway, trust me. If you can get past these ideas, then you'll go to university, you'll meet fun people, you'll meet guys, you'll have dates, relationships, one night stands, who knows what and you can focus on purely enjoying that without worrying about what any of it means for your future. You just need to let go of this fear that you're running out of time and that you have to make all this effort to make sure you get picked. You'll be absolutely fine.

Venustarr_777 · 2022-09-10T17:04:31+00:00

You'll never find what you're looking for under pressure and 2., Who says you need a relationship to feel whole? You don't.

I say, enjoy life and stop worrying about meeting anyone. 🤷

Ilovetupacc · 2022-09-10T20:29:31+00:00

I’m almost 29 and still attractive, just not as hot as when I was 19 and thats okay. I dont have to be a model or get validation through my looks. The redpill stuff is stupid, half the men out there are narcs that’ll abuse you anyways. 24ish-33 is a good time to find a life partner and 19-25 is a good time to work on education and working on your life and future in my opinion based off my life experience. I always dated shitty people when I was young because I was dumb lol

ceinwyn15 · 2022-09-11T09:41:43+00:00

Girl, you need a therapist. This will impact heavily your life in an negative way. I think, if you can afford, professional help would really be good for you. My therapist help me loads

Ilovetupacc · 2022-09-10T20:33:00+00:00

Also another thing men in my life have told me is as long as you keep yourself in decent shape and take care of yourself best you can you’ll still be attractive into your late years. Will you be a 19 year old bikini model forever? No. And thats totally OKAY.

Academic_Type624 · 2022-09-11T07:07:10+00:00

Your value is more than your sexual attractiveness. Plus the redpill ignores other factors about what makes people choose their partner, things like sharedvalues matter much more.

Where I was last on the dating scene I was in my mid 30s. I'm Plus size and while I have some good features I'm not stunning. Yet people who spent time with me thought I was sexy because I felt confident in myself.

Its OK to take time out from dating to work on yourself. Enjoy uni, get some new hobbies and find out who you are, what your passions about and what you want in life.

You

2020mademejoinreddit · 2022-09-11T15:34:54+00:00

I think firstly, you should throw away the mindset you have about guys not having "pure" intentions and "just wanting to fuck". Most guys are just looking for someone they can be with and trust, regardless of what you may have heard from wherever.

Secondly, remove the same thought about yourself. If you genuinely want a connection, your intentions are as "pure" as anyone else's.

With that current mindset, you sound like the toxic PUA that always say, "All women are cheaters and will cheat" and "All women just want looks and money".

Secondly, instead of just mindlessly dating out of desperation, sit back and try and make a connection instead NATURALLY. Just be good, not a pushover, and that's it.

With what you're doing right now, from what you describe, it just seems like you're casually hooking up.

If you're genuinely looking to date long term and have a connection, stop hooking up.

If you wanna hook up and not bother with someone and a long term connection, then hook up, but don't expect long term connection from hookups. You fuck and move on.

If you aren't attracted to the guys you're dating, then why even get to the physical intimacy part? Just out of this 'pressure' you're feeling? Isn't that the same thing that desperate guys do after listening to PUA? Don't do that.

Also, try and steer yourself away with any kind of distraction from dating for now, and especially stop hating other women, that's not a path you wanna go towards, this will be difficult if you ever do date a good guy who has women friends. Again, that's the same thing the PUA and their type of RP guys do. You don't wanna go down that path, do you.

As for the being "25" thing. Honestly, if you're good-looking enough, you most likely are not losing your attraction for a while. I mean at an old age, let's face it, we all get less attractive than we were. Youth is beauty for everyone and old age decreases that.

But that's not something to be afraid of. It's an inevitability, just like death. Embrace it and enjoy your youth.

You're freaking 19! Are you kidding me? You're a baby! A baby! I don't care what anyone else says! You're not even drinking age for fuck's sake. You have your whole life ahead of you and you're wasting it with this thinking? Go enjoy your life and stop worrying about nonsense like this.

Get off of reddit, twitter, instagram, tik tok, youtube or whatever fucking toxic social media that has ruined your young mind and go outside. I know this is a cliched thing to say and it annoys me when people just write "go out and touch grass" bullshit when they don't have a good comeback, but in your case, seriously...Do that.

It seems like that saying is true, "Youth is wasted on the young". Go live your life and be happy. Date good men. If you can't find good men, then just stay away from the bad ones who look like they wanna use you like a living sex toy.

If you want a connection, just let it happen naturally and don't give yourself away easily, or that's the only thing you'll find, cheapness, shallowness.

Finally, I'll just give the same advice as I would to a young man with similar mindset. Just put dating aside and work on yourself. Build yourself into a smart, strong-willed (not bitchy), trust-worthy, dependable woman.

See how quickly your life falls in order and how quickly you find someone you actually want to be with. Because when you're like that, you make good choices that lead you to good people.

National_Damage · 2022-09-11T21:34:40+00:00

I can relate to this to some extent. 23 male over here and had a history of struggling to form relationships. While i never fully turned to the Red Pill ideology i read some things which only made me feel more insecure. I felt the pressure to excel in order to be attractive because i thought women won't look at you unless you are the best of the best ( were talking extremely bright, highly assertive ivy league education, in excellent physical shape, no mental health issues, lots of charisma, comedian level sense of humour, very high levels of self confidence, ideally 6'1 height and from a family with a net worth of at least 8 million dollars, among other things). I often thought my twenties were useless when it came to attracting women and felt the pressure to suppress my loneliness. I often felt i needed to make sure i wont by a dateless loser when it turned 30. So yeah in a way i felt pressured to.

What i can tell you from my perspective is the fact the women become unattractive over 25 is bullshit. It is pretty much is based on the fact that women are at their peak fertility in their early 20's. Avoid these things because they are based on a primitive point of view that is dehumanising to both men and women. You are worth more than your physical appearance and deserve so much more than reducing yourself to that.

Lust is not necessarily what is going on in guys head. I experienced meaningless sex and i felt lonely after it, so much so i called a friend to chat. Some people like sex like this some don't and i am sure you can find some people who can agree with you when it comes to sex.

Try not to put pressure on yourself to find someone. I was there in undergrad and it did not help me. It distracted me to my goals and added to my stress, detaching dating from stress is probably a good idea.

I suggested Therapy earlier but i only now read your comments about it being inaccessible. There are however cheap alternatives. Since you like to read i suggest this book to you. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Brilliant-Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Lifeskills-dp-0273777734/dp/0273777734/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

It was recommended to me by my therapist who said that from his perspective it is a very good cbt handbook. All for only two dollars !

There are also platforms which deal in cbt techniques. https://www.wondrium.com/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-for-daily-life

If you can subscribe to it.

I still would suggest that you try to get into Therapy whenever the opportunity comes as it can help a lot.

Practical_Hall6534 · 2022-09-12T05:25:04+00:00

"Now, dating feels like an obligation. Because everyone says that females become unattractive after 25, I feel so so pressured to find a partner while I still have the chance to do so."

You say you're "ex" red pill but you still internalize all the mysoginist bullshit

vcreativ · 2022-09-12T15:43:36+00:00

I never obsessed about finding a guy before I entered the RP space, and when I had a partner before, it was out of genuine love and I really liked spending time with them.

That last one seems like a good idea. You should aim at that.

Now, dating feels like an obligation

That's a good sign that you should pause tbh. Go inward and understand what you need and want. And grow to match it. You're also describing some self-worth issues (women worthless at 25). I'd very much suggest resolving those out prior to dating, since you'll attract who you are in more ways than one.

Right now you appear to be doing the same thing over and over again expecting the outcome to change... which would be crazy.

Because everyone says that females become unattractive after 25

Comparatively speaking, no one is saying that. Just because something is a popular conclusion doesn't make it true. And even if it were, that doesn't make it useful.

If this leads you to date guys without consideration for yourself or your own needs (because you've so far kind of skipped that step), then not only does it not hold value, it actually provides negative utility since you're basically scratching away at your own sanity and run the risk of finding into some bad apples.

I mean, guys don't have pure intentions when they date anyway, but at least, they do it because of their own lust and their desire to fu€k.

Ok. I'm glancing over the sexism here (which is what that is). You're looking at the wrong guys, basically. Because you're coming from a position of low self worth, you'll attract guys of a similar ilk. But don't judge men for it.

All the best.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-09-15T01:31:16+00:00

I feel that too. Honestly more so in my early 30s. I have dated a few boogers and wasted years on dead end relationships. Realizing I was just settling because I was feeling scared because of this dreading getting older thing. I am 31 and my ovaries didn't shrink I didn't wake up 30 and just shriveled away into old lady single life. I haven't started actively decomposing and scaring men away. The thing is the time comes when it does self development unlearning toxic thinking patterns bettering your own life should come first I postponed it due to fear of being single. Dating will always be there relationships will come and go.

You are 19. At 19 I didn't know what was what. Your brain is still growing and developing. You shouldn't feel any pressure to make permanent life long decisions and settle with some guy who is going to force you to clean his house while he sits at his computer and eats chicken nuggets talking about how women are to be submissive and stuff. Like you have a life to live dreams to be achieved. Don't let TRP and it's supporters make you think you will be less than. Just live your life for yourself and the right one will like you for it.

Title	Dating feels like pressure
Author	xenon128lol
Upvotes	15
Comments	53
Date	September 10, 2022 10:38 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xam6gi/dating_feels_like_pressure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/dating-feels-like-pressure.1131540 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131540

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