How do I stop romantically distrusting women when they have judged me for my bisexual past?

HelenHavok · 2026-01-31T22:29:17+00:00

Are you able to give me the rough number of women who have done this to you? Did all these women grow up in the same conservative area as you? That may have something to do with it.

Bisexuality is still pretty stigmatized a lot of places - bisexual women may find acceptance a little easier mostly due to fetishization (like around women making out with each other and the desire for threesomes) - but then you’re dating people who fetishize you, which sucks, Potential partners assume they’re up for satisfying these fantasies when they just want “normal” one-on-one relationships and so they struggle with finding good partners or being open about their sexuality.

My best friend is a bisexual woman who tells people she’s a lesbian because she is tired of the looks, ignorant comments, or having to explain herself. Because even with women, there’s still an idea that bisexual people are loose, selfish, unfaithful, untrustworthy, and a whole lot of other untrue things that scare people away. Your prospective partners may assume you’re highly interested in butt-play and that may freak them out. Or they may worry irrationally about a higher risk of STIs. Or they might just be run-of-the-mill homophobes. You’re running into broad societal bigotry around bisexuality that is incredibly unfair and frustrating. Blaming women as a whole seems unreasonable though. There are women out there for whom this is not at all a dealbreaker. They just might not be in your conservative neck of the woods.

autistic_adult · 2026-01-31T23:44:07+00:00

Honestly as a bi men myself you will be wayyy more successful dating other bi women even i realised i get along much easier with queer women

Unfortunately many straight women arent open to dating a bisexual men as i also learned rhe hard way

AstuteStoat · 2026-01-31T22:19:13+00:00

I'm going with the find women who are better allies and get therapy so you don't sabotage your chances with the next woman because of past bad experiences.

Mehitobel · 2026-01-31T22:06:01+00:00

I was very comfortable around my future husband when we met because I knew he was bisexual.

You said you lived in a conservative area? That may have something to do with it. I’m from a very liberal area, most of my friends are bisexual.

jostyouraveragejoe2 · 2026-01-31T22:56:22+00:00

I feel you bro, the reason is always bigotry towards us but all minorities expirience that, many women expirience bigotry too from men they wanted to date that's no reason for them to hate all men. The problem is that they don't treat us like individuals, we shouldn't do the same thing too, that doesn't fix anything.

AdComprehensive7939 · 2026-02-01T01:00:00+00:00

Go on over to the bi sub and you'll see you aren't alone. There are all sorts of bad ideas about bi people out there, and not just straight women are holding them but monosexuals in general. And it's def not universal. One common thing is people tend to assume all bi people prefer men (bi men are secretly gay and bi women are secretly straight and faking it for men's pleasure.) It is also assumed that bi people are kinky and/or poly. I dealt with that a lot in the period where I began to date men in my mid twenties. As someone who is monogamous and quite vanilla, it was gross and jading. But not all men did that. More than a few though, so I got more selective about when I disclosed that.

I'm sorry you experienced this. It's understandable to resent that it happened but be careful to not project this onto all women - because it's not accurate that all women will have issues/misunderstandings/biases with it. Its not a woman thing but a people dont get nuance thing. And it can be a socially conservative people thing too. Biracial people experience a simular type of outgroup bias and alienation. People like clear categories, thinking heuristically and bisexuality challenges that. My suggestion is to seek solidarity with others who have gone through this for more specific advice.

sunny_side_egg · 2026-02-01T02:20:04+00:00

There are some bullshit stereotypes about us out there - that bi people are more likely to be unfaithful and that all roads lead to dick (bi women are straight and doing it for attention, but men are gay and not ready to come out all the way), and sometimes even people who don't consciously think those things will suddenly have them pop out of their subconscious to bite them when they find out they're dating a bi person. This is not an excuse for your exes' behaviour but it might explain why they felt weird about it even if that seemed like a contradiction.

While this is a real thing, not all women think this way, nor is this way of thinking exclusive to women (every dude who has asked an F-F couple if he can watch is operating on the opposite side of the same assumptions).

If you want to avoid this coming up in your dating life , I can think of 3 options.

One, don't mention your experiences with guys. I don't think this is a good option because while you have the right to keep your past to yourself, if you feel like there's some fact about you that would break the relationship if you revealed it, you're likely to feel very insecure.

Two, exclusively date bi women, they're much more likely to have rejected this slice of bullshit

Three, be really obviously out. Put bi on your dating profile or make it a thing that's generally known in your social circle. That way women who are weird about bi guys just won't date you and you can trust that those who do will be chill about it

Four, date some more dudes instead. There may still be biphobia, but it will at least have a different shape

And whatever you decide to do, remember that women are not a hive mind, it's ok to be cautious based on your previous experiences, but save your disdain for the women who have actually done you wrong and not your future prospects

mylesaway2017 · 2026-01-31T22:00:11+00:00

Have you tried therapy?

I think your issues with women go beyond them rejecting you for being bi. You say you have trouble relating to women and you don't understand them. That's something you should explore and ask yourself why?

blacklavenderbrown · 2026-01-31T22:27:37+00:00

find some alt girls they wont care

Justwannaread3 · 2026-02-01T00:52:21+00:00

What would you say to a woman who has been cheated on by multiple male partners if she told you she didn’t think she could trust you not to cheat on her?

kn0tkn0wn · 2026-01-31T23:10:50+00:00

Whatever. You might talk to some of the women who acted like your past was a prob and ask them. You might ask a female friend You might just not date women.

This sounds like an individual thing for you.

Irislynx · 2026-01-31T22:07:26+00:00

Women and men are allowed to have any reason at all to reject you. And yes many people especially many women do not want to date bisexual men. I personally will not date bisexual men. I have my reasons for that which are nobody else's business. You should be upfront with that from day one because it is a deal breaker for many people. That would save you disappointment later on in the relationship as you would immediately weed out people who will find that to be a deal-breaker.

InvestigatorNovel406 · 2026-01-31T21:48:45+00:00

I believe this is where a lot of guys start to go red pill myself included is because we're told that being new age more feminine bisexual and having any other alternative forms of masculinity that's not overly angry or aggressive is OK and we've been told it's been OK by progressive minded women but we all got a rude awakening when we actually went out into the dating world and see that most heterosexual women still want traditional masculine men

It's worse where I'm from my city is half country half ghetto and it's crazy once again seeing educated liberal minded women still go for the same super masculine dude

I really have no advice Dating has always been more rejections than success for men all I can say is keep trying and use dating as a numbers game but don't be afraid to call women out either when they do this type of thing

Title	How do I stop romantically distrusting women when they have judged me for my bisexual past?
Author	defl1231
Upvotes	2
Comments	54
Date	January 31, 2026 9:44 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1qsf9gj/how_do_i_stop_romantically_distrusting_women_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-stop-romantically-distrusting-women-when.1572422 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572422

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