My friends had a discussion about attraction, and what would men and women consider to be attractive.

I come from the viewpoint that women, generally speaking, choose who to be with based on physical features like men do. This is because one has to have a good first impression to get one's foot in the door. Suppose I put some women and men together in a room and I ask the women which man would they consider the most attractive; those women would say that the man who is the tallest and skinniest or most muscular is the most attractive.

One of my friends is of a different view. He says that while, yes, a woman will consider that aforementioned man attractive, it doesn't mean that they would go out with them. That is because the female gaze is about how the guy would make them feel, regardless of how he looks. And if you take into account how there are a only few men that would be considered conventionally attractive, it would make sense that women aren't choosing men based on how they look (an example is the "hot ex" that women talk about).

While I understand his view in general, parts of my experience doesn't allow me to understand the full depth of what he's saying.

Based on my experience as a short guy, I've never had compliments about my height (I'm 5'3); it always the butt of several jokes. I've been called an elf, a smurf, and I've been compared to several short anime characters (like Levi Ackerman and Edward Elric). That doesn't happen that often with taller men.

I've had women say in my presence that they'd never date a short guy. I'd have others who'd call me "adorable" for it, and some (who are much taller than me) even offered for me to sit on their laps (and I decided to play along with it anyway, cuz why not).

All in all, my height is treated like a funny gimmick rather than an attractive trait. People can make jokes about it if they want, but jokes tend to be parodies of truth. My height is clearly not attractive to women, which makes me not understand his viewpoint. How could a woman be interested in me with all the parameters of male attractiveness (such as sexual dimorphism) put into perspective, and one can still say that women don't look for partners that way? It just feels like a clash to me. I really need help understanding this. Thank you.