Will it really get so much easier in your 30s?

Ok_Salad_5646 · 2025-11-14T22:31:42+00:00

You’re not invisible. You’re twenty. Twenty year olds have always dated. College campuses didn’t suddenly stop pairing people off. What you’re experiencing isn’t some Red Pill law of nature. It’s just the awkward early stage of building confidence and social reps.

Most guys don’t hit their stride at twenty because confidence isn’t built by age, it’s built by repetition. And you’re already stacking the right habits. Calisthenics. Dance. Friends. Emotional intelligence. That’s the exact foundation I coach guys on, and it’s what I wrote about in my book. Results always lag behind the work.

And no, life doesn’t magically get better at thirty. What changes is who you become. More grounded. More socially calibrated. More comfortable in your own skin. Women respond to that.

So don’t buy the “men have zero value until 30” narrative. Twenty year olds date all the time. You’re not behind. You’re just early. Keep building confidence no matter what the scoreboard says and the results catch up.

xvszero · 2025-11-15T03:04:48+00:00

No.

Where are you meeting the women who reject you? How are you asking them out?

ooa3603 · 2025-11-14T23:09:48+00:00

There's no magic age at which life gets easier for anything.

What makes life easier is:

Self Awareness

understanding your traits, how they can be strengths and weaknesses depending on the context and environment
understanding your internal emotional state
understanding what you need and want and why its a good or bad thing

Self Management

using your traits to your best interest
understanding how to regulate your internal emotional state so you can act in your best interest
Knowing how and what to do that is in your best interest.

With these two major components, you can then better awareness and understanding of others and their needs and wants and know how to manage your relationships with them.

The issue is that this takes time and effort so usually most people don't acquire enough development in these things until later in their 20's and 30's to date or maintain relationships well. Especially men, because of how traditional masculine socialization has been bastardized into ->dominate others, be alpha. In addition, a lot of men's own lack sexual of discipline leads to them just going after any girl willing to have sex, which doesn't help either.

But in your case, you're probably going after the wrong demographic of women. Most fiction paints romance unrealistically for both genders. For men, it suggests that you as the initiator should try to romance any woman. In reality, opposites rarely attract attract and the vast majority of people date successfully with people similar in values and pursuits as them. Also, race, social class and other environment factors matter more than many people want to admit. That's not to say you should never try to go for women that are very dissimilar to you, but the saying dating is a numbers game isn't just about shooting your shot, its about the opportunity and familiarity. In addition, you don't need to try to woo or convince a woman to be attracted to you like in the movies, in reality women make up their minds about who they want to date as quickly as men, the delay on their side is to vet if he's safe. Men don't usually have to worry about safety as much which is one of the reasons why they show their decision sooner.

So after self development, the biggest thing that improved dating for me was being selective and targeted about the women I tried to date and that was by:

Paying attention to the race and lifestyle of the women that gave me the most enthusiastic and positive attention. Those are the women you should be prioritizing.
Increase my participation in the hobbies and activities of those types of women that I also liked.

Basically pick the type of women that choose you and be around them a lot so they know you exist and make their decision to show interest sooner.

This will mean you will have to push yourself outside your comfort zone and get out there.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-11-16T03:33:28+00:00

redpill tries selling a fantasy, especially to people with money to buy ebooks. the idea is "stick with us, it's not too late to date a 20 year old when you are 30 and we will make them flock go you". then, once you are engaged, notice how it pivots to "women can never love or attach to you and will always leave you if they even notice you instead of a chad, so stick with us and here are more grievances to shock and depress you so you stay engaged.

There are advantages at 30, but most women around 20 stick with guys in their age range: part due to having things in common, mindsets in common, seeing each other as peers, and not seeing a fellow 20 year old as a weird old guy. When you hit 30, talking to 20 year olds will often feel weird, sometimes even like talking to a kid.

The advantages at 30, ie for dating a 27 to 33 year old, are different though, especially in confidence, self grooming, hygiene, not constantly worrying what other people think, having unloaded a lot of life stress stuff, having strayed from the more drama heavy aqua instances, not worrying about homework at 9pm, not worrying so much about what your parents think, not trying to please everyone, etc, but won't result in a flood of 20 year old women the redpill promises.

A great advantage of 30 that people online do not talk about much? Peace of mind, being able to put a lot of BS aside. seriously. Imagine how different you feel in your body when you get that. When you release some of the weight dragging you down emotionally.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-11-16T03:41:15+00:00

when you say you "always get rejected". share some stories and the setting.

I was sometimes told yes and sometimes told no at 20. But it was a different time; dating sites (now apps) were seen as a last resort for losers and weirdos. we actually talked on the phone and enjoyed each other's voices. We met in person. We got out more because getting out felt cheaper at the time than it does for 20 year olds now. We did not have a cultural political gremlin telling everyone that they have political or existential enemies everywhere. Imagine living in a place where people trust each other and are used to talking to strangers in person. I guess that gremlin would call my words fake news at this point.

Czerymoja · 2025-11-27T11:54:46+00:00

It will not get easier. People in their 30’s are seriously invested in either their own family/careers. They don’t have time. There will be less single women who you would like to be with. I’m not even talking about mentality.

Also- young women don’t want to be in a relationships with big age gap. They told you that it’s propaganda but it’s just true. Women are attracted to youth too.

Now is the best time to relationships with women who likes you for you.

Try to be physically attractive and CHARISMATIC. And DATE, there will be no better time.

gimli6151 · 2025-11-15T02:54:31+00:00

Yes definitely. Stable job and income while still being fairly young (30s) opens up a ton of different dating opportunities.

Mewinblue · 2025-11-21T23:56:30+00:00

Honestly I think you have it a bit backwards. It shouldn't be I want to date so I'm looking for any woman, it should be I really like this girl so I want to date her. Ideally of course.

And if you really want to date looking into women who have the same objective seems the most effective, ie dating apps. There you'll find women looking for relationships. But you're still very young. There's no need to rush.

SV_Dating_Coach · 2025-11-24T23:29:27+00:00

Hey man! I’m happy that I can see this post and read it. I have lived and experienced the exact same dilemma that you are facing here today.

The real truth is: keep doing the work consistently.

As a 20-year-old man: I had the ability to meet and date women that I enjoyed! I think everyone is a case by case basis. Specifically, if you are around a lot of women in your circle: like a university for instance, this makes it easier.

Typically, once you start working and you’re out on your own, it’s a little more difficult to meet women.

But as a man in his mid 20s: I will say it gets a lot easier and I can be a lot more selective with the quality of women that I want to be with.

IntroductionOk7663 · 2025-12-02T07:46:48+00:00

Hey I know you’re asking for mainly men’s opinions but I’ll give you a women’s perspective. I don’t think there’s a right time in life when someone just becomes magically attractive, or a right set of skills that you can develop that may just make you visible/interesting. Of course o believe that working on yourself emotionally is extremely important because life is also about loving yourself and being okay with yourself first. As a woman I struggled a lot in my early 20s too. I don’t know how at some point dates started happening, i had my heartbroken multiple times, and had some of the same insecurities you had. I also started doing therapy which helped me with feeling fulfilled regardless of what happened in my love life. One day out of sheer luck, I found the best guy ever on an app (he’s now my husband), and from our first date things just worked. What attracted me the most was that he was super respectful, careful and a gentleman with me. I didn’t care about the gym, or whatever the hell his career was going to be. Honestly most women don’t - at least the ones I know who live happy and beautiful relationships. What women are looking for is care, thought partnership, someone you can build a future together with, that will be there for anything. Please don’t be fooled by any content that limits your value to your looks or your career/money achievements. And be kind to yourself, life has a funny way of working things out. Wishing you the best in life, may you find the right person for you, be kind to her. In the meantime, enjoy your lifeeee! You’re young and there’s sooooo much to live and see and enjoy beyond relationships.

Nabbzi · 2025-11-15T15:11:08+00:00

Im in my 30s,,,,,20s is peak, hurry up.

No-Succotash6237 · 2025-11-26T08:24:32+00:00

If you work on yourself yes. Getting women for a man becomes as inconvenient as getting a pack of cigarettes from the store if you’re a well put together man.

I’m speaking from current experience. Not only are women more attracted to you, your competition shrinks.

It’s honestly amazing how women treat me now. Even in passing, when I was 18 I didn’t even get the same eye contact. And I’ve never been afraid to talk to women.

No-Succotash6237 · 2025-11-26T08:26:29+00:00

Pro tip, wear nice pants and get your legs jacked. Then, your abs, then your arms. I wear pants that show off my physique.

Women respond even better to sexy legs than arms in my experience.

dalen52 · 2025-11-15T13:52:26+00:00

I’m gonna be real with you. There’s a lot of guys your age that will sleep with older women or ugly women because it’s easier.

So you could start there.

But once you start being friends with hot women, you realize they’re not that unusual.

They’re normal.

And you gotta stop idolizing women.

Title	Will it really get so much easier in your 30s?
Author	Maxi_F1r
Upvotes	1
Comments	29
Date	November 14, 2025 9:37 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1ox9cu4/will_it_really_get_so_much_easier_in_your_30s/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/will-it-really-get-so-much-easier-in-your-30s.1566520 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566520

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