About dating multiple men simultaneously : the etiquette?

carmen_sandiegos_hat · 2022-02-06T21:32:09+00:00

Don't tell him.
Go on a walk. Jk. It is something that comes with time. From what I understand, you're just "dating" or seeing each other at this moment right? Unless you've had a discussion to be completely exclusive, you're not.
Doesn't matter if he's HV or not. Why would you pledge loyalty to someone you hardly know?

herbivorouscarnivore · 2022-02-06T21:38:39+00:00

I wouldn’t tell unless he asked. I don’t think there’s a need until or if he decides he wants to commit to you.
You don’t owe him anything. If he hasn’t clarified that you’re going to see only each other, it’s implied that you’re both still dating around. Which is fine. As you seem to already know, just don’t throw sex in there until he’s vetted and committed.
No. A HVM will realize that you’re both free to see other people until you have that discussion.

brainsssszzzzz · 2022-02-06T21:18:42+00:00

No, you do not tell.
You probably feel bad because you are starting to feel attached to the one guy. It's natural and normal, but you still need to be careful. It's only a month and a half, and he hasn't brought it up yet. Maybe you can back off from him just a little? Make sure you are spending quality time with yourself. And if you are tired of dating the current rotation, stop or pull back, but don't put all your hopes on one guy yet. Especially because it's so early.
I'm under the impression that guys date around more than we think. And if he hasn't asked you to be exclusive, but he expects that you are-- what, loyal? after 1.5 months? I wouldn't like that kind of perspective, and I wouldn't call that a valuable (or "high-value") expectation.

Platipus6 · 2022-02-06T22:18:59+00:00

Men don't feel a shred of guilt when they actively and repeatedly harm us, why would you feel guilty about not harming him?

We've been socialized to put men's feelings, comfort, wants and needs above our own and it's got to stop. Is it guilt or are you afraid of losing him, or afraid of his potential anger?

Healthy men enjoying knowing there's competition and they're winning.

LVM feel insecure, possessive, jealous or rageful. They want an unfair advantage by demanding you knock out the competition because they know they can't win on their own merit, or they try to guilt you with this 'betrayal' nonsense. They want to lock you down quickly before you get to know how bad they are. You're not exclusive, there's nothing to betray. Men have demanded I delete my dating apps on the first date! Or cancel with someone else on Saturday because it's the only day they have free. What losers.

Unless and until he makes it clear he's loyal to you and wants you to be exclusive, and you agree, you don't owe him anything.

thinktwiceorelse · 2022-02-06T22:17:16+00:00

You aren't his girlfriend. You can date other people, because you're just friends at this point.

souredskittles · 2022-02-07T02:55:18+00:00

Don’t worry about ethics when dealing with men, they certainly aren’t.

He has not asked to be your bf/partner, you don’t need to tell him if you are dating others. If he brings it up, just make it seem like he’s asking to date seriously. I’d just be like “oh, so you want to start dating seriously is that why you are asking?”. Derail basically. 1.5 months is super soon and I think you are jumping the gun.

sewingmachinesavior · 2022-02-07T04:11:16+00:00

If you have a 5 year age gap AND he hasn’t locked it down (aka made a commitment) in 6 weeks, he’s likely not going to.

That’s also a really questionable age gap at your age. Study after study shows age gap is a huge precursor to abuse.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-02-07T07:23:36+00:00

If you're not having sex with the men, what is there to feel bad about?

Determinedblonde · 2022-02-07T09:29:20+00:00

Ethically, as long as you aren’t having sex with anyone, then it’s fine.

Look out for the red flag of this guy - if he pushes you for sex but doesn’t offer commitment, cut him off.

NotMyRealName814 · 2022-02-07T06:15:44+00:00

I think I'd hold off on telling him about other men especially if you've only been dating about a month and a half. I just don't see a reason to even bring it up and I damn sure wouldn't feel guilty about it.

2022-02-06T21:48:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	About dating multiple men simultaneously : the etiquette?
Author	LeaveMeAlone__308
Upvotes	137
Comments	23
Date	February 6, 2022 9:03 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sm7i9a/about_dating_multiple_men_simultaneously_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/about-dating-multiple-men-simultaneously-the.1100686 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100686

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