Breaking Mom

outside-perception · 2020-05-22T17:56:58+00:00

As a mum who just got out of this while the child was only 13mos old I can say I agree. Inb4 people say "didn't you see the red flags?" no. He was deployed for 7/9 months and he didn't really "turn" until our child was about four months old.

Life is already 48449582919x easier since I have more support where I am (family), already a much better paying job lined up (the lack of his support prevented me from being able to work out of the home and where I was located was so rural, the pay for daycare would have left my wage at about $4/hour) and I only have to worry about myself and our child.

Didn't take long for me to walk out and, before then, make sure I was on the pill as soon as I could get on it without telling him. No way was I having another child with him. He couldn't even handle one, I can't imagine having six like he wanted.

32WithKidsAndDating · 2020-05-22T19:06:27+00:00

To be fair, I think a lot of women take on these social norms of children and marriage WELL before maturity. I know I did. I got married a week after I turned 18, had my first child at 20 and then two more after. I didnt find true maturity until i was at least 30. I had no idea what i should have been expecting from a relationship, a partner, and a friend. Most of these women get in too deep to fast and drown. TBH, i really don't think its their fault. I was never TAUGHT what a relationship should be. I was never taught to have standards. I had to learn it on my own from a failed marriage and years of emotional neglect. Now, I find myself raising three boys in a world of feminism and what is/is not acceptable. Their generation will be much better off, but its only because of the generation of women who settled without knowing better and fighting their way though it.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-05-22T19:05:17+00:00

That sub is my free birth control. The Mother’s Day ones were the worst, “it’s the ONE day I’m supposed to be respected and appreciated!!” like no sis, that should be everyday

morrigan1618 · 2020-05-22T18:44:22+00:00

Lol they permabanned my mommy account for commenting on this sub. (I have a username I like to use specifically for mom subreddits.)

A lot of the misery you see over there is of their own making. I can't imagine letting my kids see a man treat me AND them like that. Awful.

throwahweigh3521 · 2020-05-22T20:35:27+00:00

Circumstances “entirely in their control”?

(I totally read that sub for cautionary tales and reminders of past experiences. There’s wisdom to be gained from seeing how women are frustrated in relationship - lessons on what to avoid)

For many many years I judged and vented about about people fails. Why didn’t they just pull on their bootstraps because they could have and should have done x,y,z because I certainly would have if it had been me.

Tbh, all my judgment created a sense of safety in a chaotic world that intuitively seems like you’re in control (so get to work) but also simultaneously is filled with lots of bad shit.

It’s been a gradual epiphany that all is not fair and that people are not spoiled for choice.

Consider this scenario:

Imagine if from birth girls were not trained to be lady like or given dolls and domestic toys. Imagine if society worldwide demonstrated the man centered shit show that’s inherent in relationships instead of selling lies and cheerleading personal agency.

Imagine if gender critical FDS type education was the norm.

I’m not calling conspiracy here but pointing out what’s good for society as a whole doesn’t necessarily benefit the individual. All societies need children to continue. If all you know is women fall in “love” and have children- that relationships are not “perfect” but better than single blah blah blah and all the other things economic, religious and cultural then “entirely in your control” becomes much more limited.

All my pointed lessons in fail taught me a few things. Importantly my experience is not unique but actually very universal. That nobody earns or deserves shit treatment. And that sadly, people are very invested in all the social mechanics that keep things very much the same and for all sorts of reasons don’t see that collectively they manufacture the poison that makes life awful.

I’m not saying you’re wrong to feel. That it’s a fool’s errand to have children. That you’re wrong for seeing that these women could solve their man problems by dumping them. Just giving something to consider. Especially since best laid plans sometimes fail. And especially since having a child is way different than wanting a child.

GIfuckingJane · 2020-05-23T01:26:13+00:00

I was insta-banned from breaking mom when I joined gender critical.

glittersparklesglitz · 2020-05-22T17:45:50+00:00

Wait until you have kids! You have no clue until you do. Just saying.

The rest I agree with.

brownbookcase · 2020-05-24T00:27:09+00:00

There was another thread posted about a woman, a CEO(!) who laid off her employees and shutdown her company because her unemployed husband couldn’t handle taking care of their son for three days!! And on Twitter there were many women talking about doing away with men altogether since they were competent and were fine being a parent to a child without being a parent to a man child to boot. And I have to say, I’m down for this movement.

sophrosyne2189 · 2020-05-24T05:50:33+00:00

If anything these kinds of subs reinforce my belief that there should be a special classes for girls growing up about how the world really works and as a counterpoint to the prevalent notion of love and romance which popular culture perpetuates.

There are some lucky girls/women of course who develop an FDS mindset without having to experience heartache but for the rest of us, I don't think we can make good choices about dating, love, and relationships, especially as it is now, without the kind of guidance which such a class would provide.

Edited to add how important this really is because for women, a wrong choice in marriage can make for a miserable life.

level_up_always · 2020-05-23T19:41:21+00:00

The ladies over at broken mom love being victims and martyrs to complain and get attention because they're dissatisfied with their shitty life choices and lvms. I have sympathy for single moms but not the ones who stay with losers to look better on facebook and save their reputations. Learned helplessness is all too prevalent over there it's pathetic. I go over there and laugh whenever a smug Karen tries to play off like they have this perfect life. Best birth control ever.

2020-05-23T22:59:00+00:00

Am mom w kids and all your intuition is on point. It's a cruel truth but it's real. Best bet is to casually pursue motherhood with this mindset, others might say you don't know until you have kids... but I did and I think you do too. That confidence in your intuition will take you far, don't let others make you question your instinct.

Title	Breaking Mom
Author	i_droppedthescrew
Upvotes	64
Comments	24
Date	May 22, 2020 2:52 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gob5es/breaking_mom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/breaking-mom.675488 https://theredarchive.com/post/675488

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