Can't tell if im over exaggerating

dopesoaprope · 2019-12-23T07:47:00+00:00

I felt like I was doing great independent

Do this instead. I'm dead serious. I checked your post history, and it's Level Up Time. I know this isn't the advice you're looking for, but forget this guy. Regardless of his intentions, or how you feel about him, whatever. Doesn't matter. You need to do some serious self work or dating is not going to go well for you, regardless of who you're with. I've been there, and it sucks.

You've got all this love to give, and are desperately trying to give it to someone, because you aren't giving it to the person you should be: Yourself. Stop dating, get therapy, and take care of Number One.

liquidlavender · 2019-12-23T06:49:28+00:00

I would distrust him too. He spent three months with you and decided that he only wanted a casual relationship. Then out of nowhere, for no reason, he changes his mind. This is a red flag for me. I'd give it a go, but with extreme caution, as I'd be concerned that he is saying what he thinks I want to hear to get in bed with me.

You are feeling uncomfortable because your gut is warning you.

2019-12-23T08:22:02+00:00

Bob want dick wet. Bob realize he must fake interest in a relationship to get dick wet. Bob says he waiting for new year. Clean slate. Bob want sex.

H_Mercury · 2019-12-23T06:53:33+00:00

It's obscene that you dated three months and he still didn't want a relationship. You can get a dude to be your boyfriend in a week* if he's actually interested lol

However ever since we stopped talking during that duration I felt like I was doing great independent and now he is back. Why? Do I believe what he is telling me? There's no reason for him to lie. Right? I feel like im freaking myself out for no reason

You went from doing great independently to freaking out -- if you were happier with him out of the picture then why even pursue a relationship? Is he worth it? What value has he demonstrated to your life?

Also, what is "waiting until the New Year to have a clean slate"? What magical transformation is going to happen on an arbitrary date change?

Honestly, if you're feeling anxious or preoccupied about his intentions in any way at this stage then that's your subconscious telling you something is off. Don't override your intuition.

Protect your feelings and your independence with your life.

*not recommended

thighofrelief · 2019-12-23T07:51:04+00:00

Why on earth does he want to wait until the new year? For a clean slate? I feel that if he was desperate for a shot at dating you, he would want to begin like yesterday. That’s a cop out to me. Wonder if he’s tying up loose ends in that time.

wowthispostissad · 2019-12-23T10:09:33+00:00

He is not into you, why else would he be still "unsure" about 3 months of dating. It seems like he has other women and is just trying to see if it works out with them and if it doesn't, he will just settle for you until something better (in his eyes) comes up. And as someone else mentioned, he probably has a date for NYE, which is why he says he wants to start dating Jan 1st. That's weird as fuck. You deserve WAY better. Do not settle for someone who needs to be "convinced" to date you, and wants to "enjoy" his last week of being single before NYE. Huge red flag. He is not eager to be in a relationship at all. Probably just knows relationship = reliable source of sex.

AverageToHot · 2019-12-23T06:56:41+00:00

If a man wanted a relationship with you, he would have brought it up by the second month max. The fact that he never brought it up after 3 months AND when you asked him about it and he said no? That’s a big sign that he’s not madly in love with you, so he’s not boyfriend material.

If I were you, my action steps would be to block him and move on. Also, since you’ve been seeing him for 3 months and he stuck around w/o proposing a relationship, I assume you’ve been intimate with him? It’s best to only have sex with a man after he’s asked for your exclusivity with you and he’s demonstrated that he’s very serious about you.

Block him and move on. There’s literally zero benefit to talking to him further because he will never give you what you want.

Scotsburd · 2019-12-23T13:10:11+00:00

Bob wants to see if he gets a better offer over Christmas. Ditch him, he's a time waster.

11ben478xyz22hrtx12- · 2019-12-23T11:50:04+00:00

You’re not over exaggerating and I think your mistrust has nothing or very little to do with your ex. This man bred the distrust by rejecting you already so your emotional response is completely warranted. I would feel insecure dating him as well. Best to throw the whole man away and start over.

extraacct1234 · 2019-12-23T14:53:31+00:00

Why accept this crap? If it's not a yes after 3 months then it's a no. Never let men dump you and then come back. Never let them make you feel insecure. He's just using you for sex and maybe for some relationship stuff he can't get elsewhere. You have to love yourself way more than this. This is why we say to block men immediately so they can't slither back and manipulate you.

Ms_Tilly · 2019-12-23T21:44:53+00:00

Five years ago, I dropped my fwb for being disrespectful with my time. After I dumped him he wanted to step up, but I told him it was too late. He's still hanging around my social media liking posts and sending the occasional "what are you up to?" texts. He has even told me several times that he is over his casual/polyamory phase and only likes real relationships. That's great and all, but he has put ZERO EFFORT into actually pursuing me. Every time he asks me out to see a band, I usually go, but this is about once or twice a year. Fuck that guy.

If this guy doesn't start SHOWING YOU SOMETHING, let him go. If he changed his mind, GREAT! But now he needs to start acting like a man who pursues what he wants. If he can't do that, next him. You already said it was a relief to get rid of him. Stay rid of him forever if you want. If you feel unsure about him at all, get rid of his ass.

FlashyKardashy · 2019-12-23T19:39:28+00:00

Is only wants sex. He has three months with you and decided he did not want a relationship. You break up and he waits "until the new year". Why? It sounds like a croc of shit and makes no sense. If he really wanted you he would have acted immediately lest anyone else bag you. He waited because he was trying to get his dick wet, probably failed to find a steady lay so he goes back to you and tells you what you want to hear to get into your panties. He will always have one eye on other options. I do not believe that he is asking you in good faith for a relationship.

Title	Can't tell if im over exaggerating
Author	jennifaapham878
Upvotes	15
Comments	22
Date	December 23, 2019 6:33 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eeguib/cant_tell_if_im_over_exaggerating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/cant-tell-if-im-over-exaggerating.723433 https://theredarchive.com/post/723433

Comments