Did anyone else experience their personality wildly varying with different men?

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-09-09T12:38:44+00:00

My insight is if a man is stifling your authentic self, GTFO.

arwenagon24999 · 2020-09-09T13:27:16+00:00

Whether it's through negging or silence, they subtly suppress the parts of you that make you who you are, until years go by, and you've become a shell of who you used to be.

eveninghope · 2020-09-09T13:32:59+00:00

Yeah in dating, I'm generally p chill/independent and not anxious/jealous/stressed about it AT ALL, but there are some guys who are so stingy with their affection that it feels like you have to constantly either be winning them over or checking to see if they're not talking to other women. It's a sign that you should not be with that person.

greenshadownymph · 2020-09-09T16:20:11+00:00

I had an ex I dated for 3 months when I was 20 and he ended up admitting to hating 90% of my personality, and expecting me to just give up my personality to fit his needs. He did all sorts of things to shut me down, and it was all very intentional. What you gotta realize is that the men are doing this on purpose, it's not you, they are intentionally trying to destroy you so you trauma bond with them. My new rule is that if I'm too scared to sing in front of a guy (Or if he tells me to shut up when I sing in front of him) then he's a piece of shit.

Maisiebr · 2020-09-09T13:59:57+00:00

Of course. I am naturally a funny, easy, insightful person and some guys completely stifle this, meanwhile there is that rare type I can banter easily with for hours, where we amplify each other's humour and deep thinking and where I feel like an absolute prize and I don't have to worry about anything. That is what I search for. Only one of my relationships was like this and quite a few dates had the potential.

ALISHAISHERE123 · 2020-09-09T13:15:33+00:00

Can relate. Some things I didn't have a problem with before, would suddenly become a source of distress and insecurity when with certain men. That's because those men induced those feelings in me while others did the opposite.

Hahane · 2020-09-09T14:32:34+00:00

I had a relationship where I was like you described, silly and funny, I thought I'm being myself, but the strange thing is it wasn't me at all. Now as I'm single again, I feel like I'm naturally more serious, laid back. I feel better.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-09-09T15:36:15+00:00

This is always a sign that this is a person you should not be with.

You should be happy, carefree and be able to be yourself in your relationship. You should not feel pressured, constrained into a box, or be repressing parts of yourself. That's a big red flag.

electroloop · 2020-09-09T15:39:41+00:00

Absolutely. I feel like I can be my true, authentic self with someone I can connect with on an emotional and basic human level.

There have been some men that I’ve attempted to “date” (using that term loosely), where I was an entirely different person. I wasn’t the happy-go-lucky, positive person people know me to be. With these men, I feel like I was walking on eggshells every time I did something because they were CONSTANTLY finding ways to break me down.

Then I realized I just wasn’t compatible with these men, and I leave the situation. Connecting authentically with a person is such a rare occurrence these days. I’ve only had it happen twice in my life, and I’m ready to throw in the towel!

2020-09-09T14:12:29+00:00

Yes! I've only felt that I could be my "true" self like this with one person. I assumed it was because I "connect" with so few people, but what does that mean, anyway?

naamshiko · 2020-09-09T19:32:17+00:00

OMG yes. My ex was making the worst come out of me. I was irritable and could get really mean at times, because of all the resentment I had built during the relationship.

There was also an extreme gap in our taste (in music for example, and music is sooo important in my life) and in our humor. Actually the day I realized I had to break up with him is the day I noticed I wasn't being myself.

jebemo · 2020-09-09T15:24:51+00:00

I had an ex boyfriend who was kind of a wreck- would party too hard, ect and I always felt like I had to watch out for him. I was straight up no fun the entirety of our relationship. BUT I AM a fun person! Next dude I dated I felt I could be myself, from that point on a paid close attention to what kind of person I could be around a potential partner.

megnut3 · 2020-09-09T18:23:00+00:00

Yes!! It’s part of the reason I’m so god damn picky and honestly never have a relationship.

I find that most men want or expect women to play a part. You know? Play the gf. Well I’m not here for it.

It’s so rare to find a man that you don’t feel stifled with , in my opinion and experience. So yes ...

As someone else said ... if that person doesn’t bring out your true authentic self .. let them go

missyou2017 · 2020-09-09T14:41:08+00:00

Not with different men but with men general. I cant be chill around them knowing what they really are

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-09-09T18:46:16+00:00

I'm completely myself around my current, and it's the first time. I just don't have the patience to put on any kind of an act. He loves the real me.

Adawritesrules · 2020-09-09T18:56:11+00:00

[deleted]

anotherdamnloser · 2020-09-09T19:36:11+00:00

Yup. And I realized I was the real me around everyone else but him. And I was not a happy person with him.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2020-09-10T07:10:44+00:00

This is why boundaries are so important.

Title	Did anyone else experience their personality wildly varying with different men?
Author	Adawritesrules
Upvotes	96
Comments	27
Date	September 9, 2020 12:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ipet7c/did_anyone_else_experience_their_personality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/did-anyone-else-experience-their-personality.257137 https://theredarchive.com/post/257137

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