Do I tell him I love him?

Liz_Lemondrop · 2020-03-12T11:51:55+00:00

I can tell he feels the same but because we live so far away from each other, I don't see the point in confessing my love for him...But I do. We can't really be together because of distance but I've never verbalised to him that I wish we could be together.

I think you have answered your own question. Being emotionally vulnerable for a relationship that won't work right now just seems like you're needlessly opening yourself up to rejection or complicating a long term friendship.

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-03-12T12:04:24+00:00

It’s not selfish but it’s also not advised. I don’t think it’ll go how you want. According to FDS he needs to be the one to step up, I believe.

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-03-12T12:27:30+00:00

Pull back if you want to see if he’ll step up. If he asks why, you can say you are looking for a relationship (in general, not necessarily with him). See what he does.

SaddleUpBucephalus · 2020-03-12T13:32:50+00:00

If he wanted to be with you he would have.

curlygirl507 · 2020-03-12T13:09:48+00:00

whenever we meet up we sleep together

You need to stop doing this, especially if you want a relationship. You sound like you get emotionally attached during sex (I do too), so it needs to be with guys who are fully committed to you.

I can tell he feels the same

Here you're making a "just like me" error. The vast majority of men do not have feelings the way women do. You think of him as a close friend. It's very possible that even though you've known him for 20 years, he just thinks of you as an easy, convenient lay, and disposable once you stop giving him sex.

Women generally think of the world like this:

I want to be nice to everyone and make everyone happy
I care deeply about everyone
I want to promote general peace, harmony, and trust in the world
I appreciate people's inner qualities
I think everyone is a good person deep inside
Men are fellow humans who should be loved and understood

Men generally think like this:

My goal is to extract every possible resource out of everyone that I can
Every interaction with other people is a contest of dominance
At the end of the day, the only person who truly matters is me
I only appreciate people's qualities and attributes that benefit me
Women are for sex, cleaning, and cooking
Women are extremely naive, and I'm happy to use them to achieve my goals

I agree with the advice to pull back and see what he does. I think if he wanted to be with you, he would've pursued you already, and offered to move for you, so you need to prepare for the feelings not to be mutual and to at least stop sleeping with him, if not cutting him out of your life altogether (if that will ultimately make your life better).

2020-03-12T13:06:34+00:00

If you’ve been friends with benefits for 5 years and he hasn’t expressed romantic interest, chances are very slim that you will get the answer you want to hear. You can either stay in your current situation and let what are likely unrequited feelings eat away at you and dampen other prospects, or you can stay platonic and stop sleeping with him. You should honestly consider even distancing yourself and possibly going no contact because it’s gonna be hard to get over it otherwise.

thewholelotofyas · 2020-03-13T02:21:01+00:00

WOAH ok, thanks for your input ladies, I now feel like a complete fukn idiot and am glad I didn't and will not say anything.

glittersparklesglitz · 2020-03-12T12:25:50+00:00

It sounds like a bad idea that will only complicate the relationship.

Pipulka · 2020-03-12T16:32:47+00:00

He's using you for sex. I push commitment pretty fast, unlike what FDS advises. Not going to waste months on yes/no.

BTW it's just hormones fucking with your brain, he's just another scrote looking to get his dick wet, no matter how tall, handsome, funny he is. Most men aren't loyal like we are. Spend more time with your girlfriends and buy a vibrator

level_up_always · 2020-03-12T15:40:46+00:00

Girl... smh no

timetofliptables · 2020-03-12T16:24:58+00:00

Yeah... I had a similar situation. It did not end well.

Listen to these ladies. If he really wants you he’ll make the first move. That’s not toxic, that’s just common sense. I mean here you are being eaten alive by it so much so you want to say something. If he felt the same it’d bubble up eventually, but it hasn’t so... probably not.

Radiant_Success · 2020-03-12T12:25:32+00:00

If you want to tell your sex partner of 5 years that you love him, go ahead. He'll probably let you know how he feels or doesn't feel as well (be prepared for the possibility that this may not go the way you hope).

Better yet, tell him you're pregnant. Then you'll really see what's up.

Lalelolaleelo · 2020-03-12T19:33:01+00:00

And men wonder why women don't put up with their female "just a friend" excuses.

After 15 years of "friendship" he jumped at the first opportunity to sleep with you. It doesn't seem like you've read the sidebar yet.

SaddleUpBucephalus · 2020-03-12T13:39:13+00:00

[removed]

Title	Do I tell him I love him?
Author	thewholelotofyas
Upvotes	1
Comments	37
Date	March 12, 2020 11:47 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fhf2og/do_i_tell_him_i_love_him/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-i-tell-him-i-love-him.693206 https://theredarchive.com/post/693206

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