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cheesymacaroony
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist[M] [score hidden] 5 years ago stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
Getting healthy, in both mind and body, is a key goal. Eating a poor diet and being overweight isn't healthy. Post locked.
[–]cheesymacaroonyFDS Apprentice[S] 191 points192 points193 points 5 years ago* (14 children) | Copy Link
A quick google search indicates she was married to a psychiatrist - which I have NO DOUBT was a pathological narcissist.
He most likely messed with her mind and fucked up her self esteem.
It’s never too late to level up! Dr Ramani is in her mid 50s and her career is still on the ascent!
Edit : if you don’t know who Dr Ramani is, she has her own YouTube channel in which she discusses narcs, how to spot them, how to protect yourself from them - and how to recover from Narc abuse. Highly recommend! She is an incredible woman who even though is super smart and educated fell victim to a dark narc - survived - and is here to help other women liberate themselves.
Edit : many in this thread upset about posting a before and after, reasoning that men don’t have this before and after phenomenon applied to them.
Please note - this is a press shot for Dr Ramani’s weight loss book. She profited from her pain ( queeen) She know these pics are out there.
Also - in the before photo she was in the midst of narc abuse with an LVM. You don’t see before and after with men because they display their mental distress with sex and booze - not food.
At the end of the day Dr Ramani survived and thrived. THIS is the purpose of the post.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Makes sense. Given she specialises on the subject, I’d definitely believe much of her motivation is based on her experiences. I have a lot of respect for people who are able to do that, use their experience with an issue as a means to help other people prevent experiencing it. It’s hard enough as it is to overcome that trauma alone.
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Her videos helped me identify my ex as someone with antisocial personality disorder. It helped me a lot to recognize that I'd unfortunately invited something even lower than a LVM into my life.
[–]hvwthrowawayFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Link to her channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/DoctorRamanDurvasula
[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Eh, I’ve read her book Should I Stay or Should I Go, and she specifically has her ex husband in her acknowledgements as “father and ex husband extraordinaire” and thanks him for continuing to be supportive of her. A level up is always great, and I love Doctor Ramani and she has personally helped me so much, but she does publicly speak very well of her ex.
[–]cheesymacaroonyFDS Apprentice[S] 40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Dr Ramani is gracious - she isn’t going to trash talk the father of her children. Also he has a very prestigious job as a psychiatrist at UCLA with a bro network propping him up. She has been through serious narc trauma and SHE KNOWS not to call Narcs out - in fact she has videos dedicated to why you shouldn’t call out narcs
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yes, I’m aware of that. But she also doesn’t advocate for giving false praise and instead teaches the gray rock method, and she’d know to practice that. I just think we should respect the way she’s chosen to publicly portray him rather than speculate ourselves.
[–]Dancer84839291Throwaway Account0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What’s the grey rock method
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Basically that you should remain totally neutral and boring in your interactions with the narc. Don’t feed into their drama or show that you care, because that attention is what they’re after. You should be as interesting as a boring gray rock in your interactions with them.
[–]Dancer84839291Throwaway Account0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Will this make them slowly stop be narcissistic or will it just not give them power?
[–]99powerFDS Apprentice10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I fucking knew it. UCLA, which lobbies for fewer restrictions on porn in public spaces, has a “bro network” and narcs. Color me surprised.
[–]cheesymacaroonyFDS Apprentice[S] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Their psychiatry department probs receives money from Mindgeek ( Big Porn) to validate studies on how porn is harmless and natural
[–]kalina95FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How is her book? I've heard her lectures abs kind of want to read her book!
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I thought it was good! I read it during a time in my life that I was struggling with that exact question, whether to stay or go with my ex. She’s extremely non judge mental in the book and also gives great real life examples of interpersonal situations in couples. A lot of the content can be found in her YouTube videos, but her book is what introduced me to her. I did end up leaving for the record - she’s the one who finally put some sense and names to all the things my ex was doing to me that left me so confused.
[–]dollymyfollyFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ima simple woman. I see dr. Ramani, I upvote 🙆🏻♀️🙆🏻♀️🙆🏻♀️
[–]SamuelaTheThriftyFDS Newbie142 points143 points144 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She looks great but I’m mostly impressed with the “Dr.” before her name.
[–]typeadhdFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you that’s what I think matters most here too :)
[–]MadamLeFayFDS Apprentice49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like her. She is down-to-earth and tells it like it is. Bonus: her titles aren't "click baity"!
[–]feminologie_FDS Apprentice10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love her videos she's helped me so much!
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[–]cheesymacaroonyFDS Apprentice[S] 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I get it. Stressed out Dr Ramani in the midst of narc abuse vs a photoshopped glory picture.
You don’t see men’s before and afters because men often express their stress and mental unravelling with booze or sex rather than food.
I see your point though
Please note - this was also a publicity photo to promote Dr Ramani’s weight loss book. She has been open with her struggle - in fact profited from it.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
https://www.today.com/health/doctor-loses-125-pounds-intermittent-fasting-how-i-keep-it-t163659
But the point isn't that women are not policed or body shamed more than men. We know they are. We get that.
We also know that SOMETIMES healthy women are a little bit heavier than average.
The truth is we know that fatness and health are very much correlated. And the ability for people to see that correlation when they see before and after pictures is not some conspiracy against fat people.
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[–]Tell-Me-Whyy18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Her youtube videos really help a lot of people. I'm glad she's successful.
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[–]cheesymacaroonyFDS Apprentice[S] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Not diminishing her worth at all. She is a survivor! If she maintained her unhealthy habits - most likely brought on by mental distortion induced by an LVM she would be suffering chronic illness even death - and could not mother her children properly
She is surviving and thriving - this is the point of the post
[–]cheesymacaroonyFDS Apprentice[S] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Before her narc channel on YouTube, Dr Ramani wrote a diet book. “You are WHY you eat” . She put the weight gain down to being stressed out at grad school. She was being discrete..., the reason for her weight gain was most likely her Narc psychiatrist husband. She alludes to him in her videos.
He is a well respected psychiatrist at UCLA.
There are photos of her when her babies were born and she was a regular weight.
The reason for this before and after is because her poor health choices were most likely due to an LVM messing with her mind.
This isn’t fat shaming - Dr Ramani looks like her beautiful self in the before photo. But I feel her mind was being messed up by a man and she wasn’t in control of her health.
Again- Dr Ramani wrote a whole book on her weight loss journey. She is open about her weight struggles
[–]Superb-Translator-54Throwaway Account12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Healthy body equals healthy mind. When you are healthy, you are able to think better, have balanced emotions, and have more energy. This picture shows that Dr. Ramani took this into account. She isnt being objectified....she isnt wearing anything skimpy and being praised for it.
[–]cheesymacaroonyFDS Apprentice[S] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Men enact mental distress with booze and sex - not food.
The purpose of this post was to show her surviving and thriving.
Also these are Dr Ramani approved publicity shots from her diet book
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wow, this is a bit of a stretch. It is reasonable to assume Dr. Ramani doesnt take issue with women spreading her public picture about weightloss in a sub for women.
Do you post this "consent" comment after each pickme gets roasted on here?
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
> Can you find 1 picture of a male dr posing in a suit laying down? Can you find any 1 man posing that way? And if you look at her YouTube channel this is not the content she is advertising currently, so why would you assume she wants to be advertised with only these two pictures
Like I said elsewhere in this sub, the counter point was never that women are not objectified or body policed more than men.
> And if you look at her YouTube channel this is not the content she is advertising currently, so why would you assume she wants to be advertised with only these two pictures?
I think its reasonable to assume she wouldnt have a problem with people disseminating pictures one already gave publicly in a thread that relates to the original topic for the pics (weightloss).
Again, where is your consent outrage for the billion pickme roasts on this sub?
> how is it useful to this sub, to women to keep circulating pictures like this when we are already bombarded with them?
Because like it or not, people understand that there is a massive correlation between fatness and health. And on a Dating Strategy sub, I think its more helpful to tell obese women to maybe have a truthful conversation with themselves...about whether the Yas Queen narrative while you eat a second Big Mac because fat women can toooootally be just as healthy is actually just you letting yourself go.
> We need to learn to think more critically. Stop idolizing anything and everything and start critiquing what we are surrounded with and how we add to it.
Right, I think the first step would not be living in denial.
[–]RipleyxStarlingFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for introducing me to her! I’m trying to mend a battered soul after a grueling two years with the first narcissist I ever had the displeasure of being in a relationship with and her videos are so so helpful!
[–]cheesymacaroonyFDS Apprentice[S] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m so glad to help 💗 Dr Ramani will be your fairy godmother. She will support you as you heal. Be gentle with yourself and don’t beat yourself up for falling for a narc - if it can happen to someone as lovely as Dr Ramani, it can happen to anyone 💗
[–]Cryingpolarbears2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m sorry you’re getting some hate on this post. Maintaining health and an overall good appearance is one of the qualities of HVW according to the handbook... obviously she consented to this pics and was proud of what she accomplished. I’m sure she also had other healthy mental and psychological changes that occurred as well but you can’t really showcase that well can you at least in picture form. Anyways good for her.
[–]devarahFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can’t thank you enough for posting this resource, I listened to her Tedx talk this morning among other videos on her channel, it is helping me understand what I have gone through and make sense of it! Sister hugs !
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[–][deleted] 49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
I personally think getting into shape and being healthy is essential part of leveling up. But thats just my opinion...
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree, leveling up is more than just looking good or being healthy. But I don't think this post was insinuating that the ONLY thing Dr. Ramani did to level up was getting fit
I also agree that man dont have to deal with the same pressure to look good, and that women always having to perform for the male gaze is bullshit...but this is a dating strategy sub, and leveling up does entail being physically healthy- therefore I dont think posts like the one here is inappropriate.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Maybe so but I think its safe to assume Dr. Ramani is in better shape in the second photo.
The idea that weight has nothing to do with health is a body-positive myth in my opinion.
I understand that curvy women can be fit. I understand that a skinny person can be unfit. I understand that the patriarchy plays a very active role in shaming women, policing women, selling unrealistic standards to women, etc.
Yes, the US has a sexist bullshit problem....but it also has an obesity problem. And a lot of people could stand to lose a few pounds. And we can usually tell, quite easily, who has an unhealthy weight problem. This is just the harsh truth.
IMO the body positivity movement has shifted from common sense advocacy for ending the male gaze/public shaming/unrealistic standards etc and entered conspirarcy theory level of denialism.
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[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I am sorry you went through that. But there also women who are clogging their arteries and adding a dress size every year and pretending like that isn't outright dangerous...
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
There isn't an health crisis of underweight people in the US so the comparison doesn't seem relevant.- There IS a crisis of significantly overweight people and we have seen an jump in several serious medical conditions due to this trend.
I don't really care about some random woman who carries 20 pounds more than the average healthy woman and runs marathons. I am talking about the 25 year old who has type two diabetes because she is 5'2 and 190 pounds with a diet that explains why.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don’t think it’s being thin that’s being glorified, I think it’s about having a healthier lifestyle and taking care of both our physical and mental health. Exercise and eating right is just as important as seeking out therapy and developing mental resilience, and neither should be shamed. Being overweight shouldn’t be romanticised, especially by using words like “thick” and “curvy”, as being overweight has significant links to increases in health issues.
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[–]UnpeacefulLilyFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I adore Dr Ramani. Reached out to her for a quote early this year and she was so gracious. Def a queen in my book. And her YouTube channel is great.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love Dr Ramani!
[–]empresselevationFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love her and her videos! Incredibly informative and well-spoken.
[–]Introambi1FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh she a vibe. This is what a transformation looks like. Well done, to you 🥂
[–]Dancer84839291Throwaway Account1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sorry but who is she I never seen her before
[–]cheesymacaroonyFDS Apprentice[S] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can google her on YouTube Her content is geared toward narcissistic abuse
[–]abstractsadgurlFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love her!
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