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Hateorade_
[–]Exsqueeze_mehFDS Apprentice 137 points138 points139 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
So this means scrotes are both too expensive and worthless and the same time. 🤯
[–]inventivesquidFDS Newbie 85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Schrodinger's scrote
[–]greenbagmariaFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Scrotinger
[–]i2aminspiredFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
xD
[–]Exsqueeze_mehFDS Apprentice 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
HAHAHAAHAHA ☠️
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 92 points93 points94 points 5 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
When we live in mental turmoil and stress, we suffer physical effects. No man is worth your health.
[–]NotYourCirceFDS Newbie 50 points51 points52 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’ve lived this. Before I broke up with my last NVM I was getting cold sores all the time for seemingly no reason. After the break up, no more! Turns out he was stressing me so badly it was like I was constantly sick
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🙋♀️ my symptoms were intense acne flare-ups, joint pain, and disordered eating. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 26 (all gone now yay), and I can't help but chalk it up to some traumas, working years in a high stress job, and then coming home to an alcoholic LVM at night who contributed nothing.
[–]catlady4uFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I never had symptoms of anaphylaxis until I was with my last nvx. Since getting rid of him last summer, I haven't had any symptoms. Stress really does a number on you.
[–]carmen_sandiegos_hatFDS Newbie 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for mentioning this! I am just starting to read more about this topic.
I was with someone for about 6 mos and in that time, I gained weight, lost energy, had severe allergies, and more. Things got so bad I had to go to the doctor and get treatment to get my immune system back up. After we broke it off, everything was fine and I've never been as sick. As if nothing ever happened.
Mind-boggling.
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie[S] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
What makes me nervous is the fact that I still have anxiety, guilt, and not feeling good months after the breakup. While my anxiety was at its highest during the last weeks of the relationship, it’s still there. Now I’m wondering if I self sabotaged everything and if he wasn’t as bad as I thought he was. I’ve heard of women feeling so much better after a breakup—as if a huge weight is off their shoulders. I’m getting nervous because I still feel like shit.
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
You may be interested in looking into your "attachment style" ... you can heal yourself! I would break up with N/LV men and feel similar to what you describe. But you have to look at the reasons behind the breakup; if it helps, write a list. Seeing things on paper gives good clarity.
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie[S] 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I wrote out a list and i still feel like crap ugh. I broke up with him because he ghosted me for 10 days. We were supposed to go out for our anniversary and he had to cancel twice after saying yes bc his mom wasn’t feeling well but then when I asked him how his mom was doing, he stopped talking to me. I then got sick of this treatment so I left. Before that, he invalidated my feelings when it came to me being upset that he wouldn’t FaceTime or call me during the pandemic, he flirted behind my back and when I confronted him about it, he told me to stop speaking to the friend who told me the news. He also love bombed me very early on (we were 18 when we first started talking so idk if it was because we were young)—the “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” type stuff but during our actual relationship, he freaked when his mom asked him when he was going to propose to me. He also freaked out as if I was having a child with him when nothing literally happened lol. Even when I write out this list, I still feel like I did something wrong by breaking up with him. I still feel like I’m the reason why things got bad... yes he did introduce me to his family and they loved me but that shouldn’t be an excuse.
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You dodged a bullet. It hurts to end things with someone that you got involved with so young; it makes sense that you're feeling sad and doubtful. There is far better out there, though. And the good news is, you're already associated with the very best... yourself.
You did nothing wrong by ending the relationship. Nothing lost, and everything gained.
Allow yourself to feel the feels, but also recognize that there's likely built up sadness due to how you were treated. I can feel the hurt just reading your comment.
Keep FDS'ing your way through this. 💗
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie[S] 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah it sucks to be with someone all throughout college and thinking it would work out. I really really wanted it to work out. And yeah you’re right, nothing lost, nothing gained. It blows how they don’t break up with you if they know they’re treating you like shit. It’s mind blowing. And I’m trying... you amazing women are keeping me going!!!
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The more they get away with treating you like shit, the less incentive there is for them to end things. It's like a buffet that they don't have to pay for; take what they want with nothing returned.
You're so strong.
[–]carmen_sandiegos_hatFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's like a buffet that they don't have to pay for; take what they want with nothing returned.
To the T. 100% factual as they really do try to get away with as much as possible.
[–]cmil7731FDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree with @w0rmsongs- It does sound like you dodged a bullet. Maybe it’s also hurting because you were picturing a future with him, and you badly want this beautiful future you imagined. The elements were there- a boyfriend who you were dating long enough to expect it to lead somewhere, met his family, etc. But it wasn’t amazing - he wasn’t pushing things forward with you (eg he was freaking out at the suggestion of a proposal) and wasn’t treating you like you deserve (eg ghosting, invalidating your feelings). I know it’s so hard (I do this too) but try not to imagine a hypothetical future, but instead look at what the day to day reality was like. If he’s like this pre-proposal, it would only get worse once he “locks you in” with engagement/marriage/babies. Forever is a long time- I wouldn’t wish it on you to be with a guy like this for the next 60+ years of your life. Sending hugs x
[–]ENFP_CanadianFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Hey girl just reading your comments here and in case you might not have looked into this or read about it (maybe you have)
You might be experiencing euphoric recall, cognitive dissonance and trying to break your trauma bond.
Your comments are sooooo similar to how I felt, what I thought in terms of me leaving him then wondering if it was really that bad, logically knowing it was bad but my heart not believing it, writing a list of all his bad behaviour and still feeling like shit etc. It took me a month after the breakup to even figure out and learn my ex was a narc and that I had experienced a cycle of narcissistic abuse.
Sharing in case any of this helps you re: learning more about it and processing what happened so you can heal.
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for this. It’s really comforting knowing that I’m not the only one who has felt this way. I, too, didn’t know what narcissistic abuse was until months after the breakup. I assumed that if he treated his guy friends nicely, there was no way he could be a narc. But I’ve heard of covert narcissism and how they could be nice to literally everyone but an asshole to their SO. No one would have ever thought he would treat me like this.
I’m in therapy right now so hopefully we touch on it. Clearly my brain just can’t make that connection with what went wrong... I simply just don’t understand it. I keep thinking of how the good night outweigh the bad and how he might not be as bad as I think and if I was “overreacting”. Hopefully I feel at peace one day.
[–]ENFP_CanadianFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hear that...it's because our brains are still trauma bonded and wants to make sense of it. Reading Why Does He Do That helped me understand how the good times are an integrated part of the abuse cycle to keep your brain hooked and bonded to the abuser. Also I watched soooo many Dr Ramani videos- she is AMAZING. In my experience she has helped me make sense of things and come to terms and heal more than my therapy has.
I'm more at peace now and it definitely will come to you.
I will say that it's not monumental. It's not one minute you're down and the next you're at 100% and it doesn't happen with every relationship.
By far this one was the worst and I went through so much grief during the relationship that by the time we broke up, I felt nothing for him. So instead I went from -100 to 0 and had to build myself back up to +100.
Other relationships, not so easy. You may still waffle in-between feelings but that's just a part of the cycle. Reading from your comments, you don't seem to miss him directly, you seem to miss the emotions (dopamine & oxytocin, maybe) that you felt when things were going right with him.
Someone who loves you/cherishes you does not ghost you. Especially for that long.
[–]pugaczallaFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Me too! I was depressed and I kept getting worse. It weakened my immune system and I kept getting viral infections all the time and felt constantly tired and weak. The stress of LVM/NVM has a big impact on physical well-being too.
[–]vaguelinenFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex left and the cold I couldn’t shift for three years went away. We really need to pay attention to our bodies!
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It took me too damn long to realize this.
[–]sozwrongrobiFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m doing a year abroad in college next year and this guy who’s going has been causing me nothing but bother. I had enough and blocked him the other day and to be honest I couldn’t care less if it causes me hassle next year because the peace now is worth it.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
He wrote "The Alchemist." It's a lovely book. A bit of Western Hemisphere Zen.
[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The Zahir too which I loved though it is controversial.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh, I haven't read that one yet.
[–]neonred1FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s why I’m so picky with men, because so many are draining.
[–]Squidwrd_TortelliniFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Great message, but unfortunate messenger. he's a joke in the literary world
[–]nerezzamoreFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why? I was just today thinking about reading The Alchemist. Bad choice?
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[–]Exsqueeze_mehFDS Apprentice 137 points138 points139 points
(4 children) | Copy Link
[–]inventivesquidFDS Newbie 85 points86 points87 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]greenbagmariaFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]i2aminspiredFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Exsqueeze_mehFDS Apprentice 26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 92 points93 points94 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]NotYourCirceFDS Newbie 50 points51 points52 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]catlady4uFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]carmen_sandiegos_hatFDS Newbie 32 points33 points34 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie[S] 17 points18 points19 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie[S] 9 points10 points11 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie[S] 8 points9 points10 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]w0rmsongsFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]carmen_sandiegos_hatFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cmil7731FDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ENFP_CanadianFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ENFP_CanadianFDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]carmen_sandiegos_hatFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pugaczallaFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]vaguelinenFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sozwrongrobiFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]neonred1FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Squidwrd_TortelliniFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]nerezzamoreFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link