Gaslighting red flags

SuitablePerformance3 · 2021-08-10T18:33:03+00:00

Being in a state of confusion is a sign of abuse. If you're anxious and unsure that's a sign of abuse. If they have you questioning yourself then you need to get out immidietely. This type of abuse is akin to what cults use to groom people, it's overwriting your reality to suit theirs and make you pliable to their wants.

It's why we say leave at the very first sign of anything fishy, hindsight is 20/20 and you'll see it for what it was when you look back. But the you right now can't see that, because we adapt to all situations as humans, begin to see things as our new normal. That's why you leave. It's why standards and boundaries are important. If they don't meet your standards then you don't give them a chance. If they cross a boundary then you leave, block and delete. Stick to those rules and you'll have much less bullshit to worry about.

NAthrowaway0613 · 2021-08-10T19:51:22+00:00

I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. He did all those things.

I remember once he had been name calling me and I was sitting there crying and he just could not be bothered. Then I somehow apologized to him for being “so emotional”. Like, what the actual F?

seraphinelysion · 2021-08-11T01:32:19+00:00

If your point of view doesn't match theirs, it's wrong.

This covers a whole range of things for me. In my previous relationship, I wasn't allowed to like things without being called stupid for liking them. And because he didn't like them, I wasn't allowed to like them either because I wasn't my own person; I was just some sort of extension of him.

I was told I had shit taste in music because I like to listen to Enya on occasion. I wasn't allowed to buy a Prius because apparently it's a stupid car. I couldn't drink La Croix (or other flavored fizzle water) because it was gross. I wasn't allowed to be a person.

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-08-10T19:42:19+00:00

My LVM ex started acting differently with me towards the end of our relationship and whenever I tried discussing how I felt about his change in behavior he’d shut me down and tell me I’m over analyzing things. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder several years prior and he 100% used that against me. He told me my anxiety was getting worse and that I was spiraling when I asked him if something was wrong. He’d get defensive, shut me down, belittle me, and twist everything into it being my fault he felt depressed or unhappy. It was a total mindfuck. I started believing that I needed to get help and that something was wrong with me. He gave me an opportunity to break up and I took it, he said he didn’t know if things were gonna work out between us in the long run and that our “love languages were too different”. After we broke up, all anxiety I had disappeared completely and I saw that I was mentally healthy all along, it was him making me feel that way. Everything described in this post is exactly what he did

jupitarianrise · 2021-08-10T19:10:37+00:00

reminds me of the time I apologized to a man for rightfully calling him out (he told me I made him sad blah-blah and how could I believe such things about him). He even told me “what are you apologizing for?” I felt so stupid. I didn’t even know what to say. Now I know it was my reaction to being gaslit. He must have thought I was dumb as hell. ☠️ and honestly, as a pick me, I kinda was.

thatshadywitch · 2021-08-11T08:55:19+00:00

Yesterday I re-read a journal entry from some time ago, when I was still in a relationship with my ex. I felt bad for my former self, and I also got second-hand embarrassment, because I literally had become a shell of what I used to be before meeting him. I justified him for any mistreatment, I blamed myself for everything that was going wrong in the relationship, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I poured my heart and soul for an asshole who clearly didn't love me for me, but just for what I could "bring to the table". The gaslighting was so strong it was like another person had written those pages. I cannot even describe the feeling of freedom and relief that I felt after reading them, and realising that I'm out of it. Gaslighting is VERY dangerous, it can consume you from the inside, and when you get out of a situation where your partner has undermined all your beliefs it's so, so difficult to reset your brain. It took me more than six months of therapy to stop crying and blaming myself. Please ladies, if you are reading this: learn how to spot the red flags early on, and also start keeping a journal! It really helps keep things in check.

gravesearcher · 2021-08-11T12:47:40+00:00

I just want to thank the ladies who post stuff like this from the bottom of my heart because you all have helped me see and work through abuse for the first time in my life.

Sometimes when you read things on a therapy site, it doesn't click because of their wording or their descriptions are too vague so it's easy to say "That's not my situation." The posts here have had practical descriptions that I've been able to see my life in.

Sharing personal stories also helps because when you see other people reacting to something you yourself didn't really think was abuse it really shocks you. Having other people say "My abuser said/did the same thing!" or saying that about someone else's story helps because you get into these mindsets that he's not really like that, it was something about you. When you realize your abuser behaves in the exact same way as everyone else's it takes their power away and you stop blaming yourself.

So thank you!

gravesearcher · 2021-08-11T12:55:45+00:00

In what I used to call the "bad periods" that I now know are part of the cycle of abuse, my ex would always accuse me of things in his constant agitated state. He would ascribe whatever was the worst motive or most unflattering inner thoughts to me or my actions so that he could yell at me or say hateful things to me. None of what he ever accused me of was true.

dogfart4 · 2021-08-12T03:51:09+00:00

This infographic is what helped me leave an abusive situationship. I was so twisted up and confused because he was gaslighting the hell out of me. I was crying constantly and trying to jump through his impossible hoops

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Title	Gaslighting red flags
Author	hopewings
Upvotes	907
Comments	27
Date	August 10, 2021 6:24 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p1v3xq/gaslighting_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/gaslighting-red-flags.958995 https://theredarchive.com/post/958995

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