General discussion: how to not hate men after realizing the sobering truth?

HeavyMetalLobster · 2020-09-21T21:09:22+00:00

I was raised to think males were smarter, quicker, better in every way. And that I was stupid and not worthy.

When I came into my own (around 29) and realized who I was compared to who all I dated and males I knew, it was horrifying. I felt like I had been eating soylent green and just realized it was people. The blindfold was off and I was disgusted. It took years for that to settle into an accepted awareness rather than appalled disgust

Ignore the guys who bring you down or neg you. Don’t argue. You wouldn’t argue with a child telling you that elephants are really fish, would you? You would say “that’s nice, dear” and go on with your life. Don’t interact and just stick to your priorities and qualities. It can be difficult at work, and I recommend in those situations, cover your butt (with written proofs of things) and be knowledgeable. Be confident in your knowledge and the actions you take.

You’ll come across some men who are truly kind and generous. You’ll come across a lot more who will just try and take from you.

And lastly...when you can’t see the sun, be the sun. Fucking shine, girl.

asteria2002 · 2020-09-21T19:05:31+00:00

I just life with the fact that majority of the men hate me for just being a women, so I simply return their hate. And anyone coming in with the "not all men" the majority are like that so tell how must I know which men isn't like that. The best survival tactic for women: distrust every men you meet until they prove themselves even then keep your guard up, majority of the women are killed and raped by a men they trust. Your hate is justified.

ello-motto · 2020-09-21T20:44:04+00:00

I don't hate men, I hate LVM, and that distinction helps a lot.

I have a handful of HVM friends who are absolute class people. I concentrate on the HV people around me. LV people can go suck a toe for all I care.

Also I love redirecting any hateful energy into helpful energy. So that's bringing awareness of LV men, people and traits instead. Helping to educate other women and being active on places like FDS to help wake this generation up.

RainbowChardonnay · 2020-09-21T18:54:24+00:00

Sometimes I make a mental list of the men I love who are aware of the problem. That helps a little. I’m still angry at all the other men.

rinabean · 2020-09-21T19:48:56+00:00

I wonder if that recent book about hating men by that French feminist has any advice? Like me she hates most men but is happily married to one. The fact that there are good men out there is heartening for women looking for one, but in day to day life, I think it's best just to focus on practical matters. Always remember what's in your control and what's not. That works for any anxiety. It's hard to stick to, but you can always return to it and remember it.

To ignore this feeling I think would make us vulnerable to predation. That's what we hate about men, that they hurt us - we don't want to hurt them. Try to focus on helping yourself and helping other women instead of despairing.

ladylabrys · 2020-09-21T21:25:24+00:00

This is a tough one. I don't really have a solution but here's how I cope when the reality of men is too rage inducing.

prioritize the women and girls in your life. I think having one good female friend is better than 100 feminist posts on the internet. (Though social media activism is good too of course!)
limit interactions with men where you realistically can. The fewer you see, the less they can disappoint you.
look back and think of all the good our feminist predecessors have done for the women of today. I'm sure back then it felt like things would never get better, but thanks to their determination they've done so much. Women's voting rights, divorce, land ownership, entering the job force, reproductive rights, criminalizing rape in marriages, etc etc. Sure we have a long way to go, but as long as we keep fighting the good fight future generations of women will thank us!
remember that hvms do exist out there and they aren't ALL trash.
don't forget to take a step back from social media and the news and focus on creating a pleasant space for yourself. I don't think the human mind was meant to see bad news everyday.

Good luck, sister. It ain't easy, but you aren't alone!

2020-09-21T19:57:09+00:00

I think comparing how people respond to racism vs sexism brings it into focus. I really doubt many white people would downplay and dismiss racism the same way men dismiss sexism.

Cool-Summer · 2020-09-21T20:20:11+00:00

Great post, its like you read my mind. And I’ll let you know when I figure it out🙄 Maybe its good to be a little bit angry, it reminds you to stay vigilant and keeps you safe.

maracat1989 · 2020-09-21T21:31:10+00:00

[deleted]

Saitschik · 2020-09-21T22:09:10+00:00

What helps me is not taking men too serious and having very firm boundaries

YukiCatKingdom · 2020-09-22T00:21:32+00:00

To echo the words of the sister suffragettes in Mary Poppins, "Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid!"

So adore those few men that have proven themselves to be HVM, or in other words, real men of character. Maybe that's a father a brother, a mentor, a cousin, a friend's husband, etc. I was very lucky to have a HVM father. I also have a HVM cousin I'm close to that's really more like a big brother to me, he even dropped off dinner on my doorstep last night since I've been quarantining. Try to identify those HVM in your life; even if they're not your romantic SO HVM they can still be a source of hope.

2020-09-21T19:57:46+00:00

Use this anger towards spreading awareness and a mission to making lives of women around the world better (e.g. giving education to the underprivileged). If not that just by being a strong successful HVW who takes no B.S. you set an example to other ladies and young impressionable boys that it is possible.

plummyjellyfish · 2020-09-22T02:06:56+00:00

Any time you spend hating men is time you could have spent loving yourself and other HVW around you. I also have a lot of anger when I consider the mad cruelty of the opposite sex, but I try my best to use that anger productively, by working hard and educating myself. When I see LVM behaviour, I call it out effectively.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-09-22T09:39:31+00:00

Honestly? Get off Reddit. Get off twitter. Get off dating apps.

While a lot of what's said on here is shitty and true, it also over represents the prevalence of shitty men.

There are good honest men. They may be a tad outnumbered, but they exist.

This is one example. It's frequently quoted that men leave their cancer diagnosed wives. It's true. It's a fact. Depending on the source, men are something like 5 to 10 times more likely to leave their sick wives than wives are to leave their sick husbands.

But when you read the percentages, 10-20% of men leave their wives.

Both things are true. But just said in a different way. The reality is that 80% of men stay with their wives. Which they should, assuming they're in a loving supportive relationship right?

Reddit as it is is overwhelmingly male, and a lot of nerds and incels flock to Reddit. The average Redditor is probably worse than your average man. Of course there are exceptions.

And course, shitty men absolutely do exist in reality. I just mean to express that they are over presented online, so your view of how common shitty vs good men are night be poorly adjusted. I'm not saying FDS is wrong about men, but there is a tendency to dwell on the negative. That's why I upvote every "how to high value" post I see, because it's important to remember that HVM exist.

AliceInDatingland · 2020-09-21T18:58:24+00:00

I have to remember the few guys I know who (to the best of my knowledge) are HVMs. They are, of course, all married. But they give me hope that others are out there.

buttercup_010 · 2020-09-21T21:48:57+00:00

It helps me just to be aware of the fuckery that goes on- I notice it so much easier now. So I know who to stay away from or watch out for. It’s caused me to distance myself from LVM in my life and I think that helps a lot. I focus more on people with substance and character, and let the rest fall to the wayside, I don’t need to spend my mental energy on them.

For me just feeling armed with the knowledge and knowing that I will watch out for myself has helped a lot. Knowing that I can walk away and not engage with them helps me save my energy, and that kinda keeps me balanced. I personally have no hate for men as a whole, I just know that I will never again waste my time with or catering to any man who shows himself as LVM.

sharkymaram · 2020-09-21T19:09:51+00:00

I stopped hanging out in places that have LV people (cheap coffeeshops, generic restaurants...etc.). This decreased the number of times I have to see sloppy, annoying, disrespectful men, which slowly made me think less about their existence.

2020-09-22T06:37:12+00:00

Its okay to hate them that's all i have to say. They hate us without any reason,we atleast have alot of valid reasons to justify our hate

Meredeen · 2020-09-23T15:31:26+00:00

Most of the dudes at my work NEVER go the extra mile or have consideration for what their fellow co-workers need. Meanwhile the women are more willing to help out with things, work together, or like cover me when I get busy with stuff. Men can be so fuckin useless 😔

Title	General discussion: how to not hate men after realizing the sobering truth?
Author	heyniceheinie
Upvotes	94
Comments	37
Date	September 21, 2020 3:28 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ix2l5g/general_discussion_how_to_not_hate_men_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/general-discussion-how-to-not-hate-men-after.277478 https://theredarchive.com/post/277478

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