Great article on the problem with men today... emotionally distant fathers who are not teaching their sons how to be men

Palgary · 2020-10-10T14:01:56+00:00

My dad definitely had the "it's the woman's job to raise the children" mindset. I've talked to this to my brother - about he was neglected by my father, but he doesn't see it, and instead feels neglected by our mother - who was stuck focusing her time an energy on our disabled younger brother with no cleaning, chore, or parenting help from our father.

eveninghope · 2020-10-10T14:19:10+00:00

Several of the men I date actually bring this up. I’m in my 30s so most of my partners also grew up in the 90s. But they talk about how dad worked all the time so they never learned how to adult or be emotionally available. The thing is tho, I’ve dated guys who cared and tried to fix it but also guys who just blamed all their emotional problems on their parents and did nothing about it.

circescircus · 2020-10-10T14:51:27+00:00

Actually being a parent and not just a sperm donor is hard. Parenting a child everyday, teaching them how to be a person, teaching them good habits, nurturing them, protecting them, etc all takes up huge amounts of time and energy. LVM don't like to do hard things. That, and how can they teach a child something that they themselves do not know? They don't know how to be a man themselves.

Articles like this make it sound like men are victims, and like they do not consciously choose to be lazy and selfish. That men are just "emotionally distant" and that's why they are shit fathers. So a woman partnered/married to a man who has a child with him, will think, 'I guess that's the problem! He's emotionally distant. I can do x, y and z to make him less emotionally distant' They don't think that instead, their partner is just selfish and lazy.

It's not "emotional distance" it's selfishness. Men have children and don't give a fuck about their own kids, it is as simple as that.

Are these men "emotionally distant" when they are raging out a video game, raging out at something or someone in general, feeling indignant about something? They are not emotionally distant when they have emotions related to getting something they want/feel entitled to. They are emotionally distant when they are trying to dodge responsibility and empathy.

A lot of words trying to explain why and how so many men are selfish and lazy, so selfish and lazy, that they don't give a shit about their own child, even a male child. A male child is the closest person to their own image-- they still don't give a shit.

straighthairgreece · 2020-10-10T22:04:24+00:00

This is one of the comments,

"But I’m not asking a feminist for help on this. It’s up to us to comfort each other, police each other and mentor the next generation of men, and assure them there is a place for their ambitions and their energy, and that sharing a playing field with women only makes everyone better. Personally, I’m making it a priority to combat the loneliness and lack of meaning in modern life with my friends, my nephews and someday, even my son."

I wish more men thought like this instead of running to incel, MGTOW, violence or suicide.

ThisAintMyOnlyUN · 2020-10-10T22:36:47+00:00

Admittedly this was difficult for me to read given the fact that my former partner was emotionally distant to both myself and his young son. One day I asked his distraught son what he thought being a man meant and his son said: being angry.

My heart shattered. He loved poetry and writing and drawing and exploring and his father just ruined him. 😞

That being said, adult men are fully capable of self-reflection, they just don’t/won’t do it and expect their female partners to carry their baggage. Hence why FDS exists.

Bubbly-Manufacturer · 2020-10-10T19:13:26+00:00

Im pretty sure my ex’s dad messed him up real good. Telling him to stop crying and calling him a homophobic slur if he was crying and overall being emotionally distant with him. Among other things. My ex told me even his dad apologized to him later and admitted he did a better job raising his other siblings.

His mom always stays silent in things and just goes along with what his dad says. Which I found myself doing at the end of the relationship bc it wasn’t worth the argument that would follow. Was just like his dad (even if he acted like he wanted to be better) or worst off.

Gourmay · 2020-10-10T19:18:26+00:00

This was a beautiful article, thank you for sharing. I’ve been wondering since moving to the US if mothers coddle their sons here and do everything for them, but now I realize it’s the lack of emotional connection to their father and it seems clear men are constantly told that emotions are for weaklings.

sympathyshot · 2020-10-11T03:48:58+00:00

I think this is an important issue that nobody really talks about.

Yes, there is still sexism, but we've made important progress in redefining femininity. Women can play sports, win the Nobel Prize in a hard science (congratulations, Dr.s Jennifer Doudna and Emmanuelle Charpentier!), and climb the corporate ladder.

From my observations, I don't think men have been able to redefine masculinity as successfully. We all know that the majority of women's oppression are at the hands of men. Although it's great that we are improving conditions for women, why isn't the world focusing on fixing the men? Just as we have "diversity training" or even "self-defense for women" at school and work, I would really like to see "healthy masculinity" training for men.

Lastly, to clarify, it's not a woman's job to fix a man. I'm just annoyed that men haven't taken the initiative to improve themselves.

janatztxcxxx · 2020-12-16T03:01:59+00:00

That’s why I don’t date guys who were abused in the past, especially if done by their parents. If a guy tells me his trauma related to his family, I run for the hills.

Title	Great article on the problem with men today... emotionally distant fathers who are not teaching their sons how to be men
Author	Kimpractical
Upvotes	202
Comments	20
Date	October 10, 2020 1:37 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j8km0b/great_article_on_the_problem_with_men_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/great-article-on-the-problem-with-men-today.320996 https://theredarchive.com/post/320996

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