How do you do it?

AutomaticNopeMachine · 2021-07-12T14:27:28+00:00

I think it’s like a normal curve in which, at the beginning (for many, pickme days), you are blissfuly ignorant of male depravity. After reading fds you get more aware and therefore hyper vigilant of dangers. I guess that in the past you’d probably brush this ex coworker off as annoying or even nice but now you see through the creeps of it. Then there’s a max point where it’s very depressing to be at, but after a while the curve gets down again and fear/sadness goes down as you learn how to protect yourself. There are good people out there, including males. I got more optimistic after I processed the fds info and although I’m madder than in the past, I’m also happier because things that used to feel random now make sense and I can protect myself.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-07-12T14:22:43+00:00

I don't have snapchat and I'm therefore not familiar with the app's settings but have you tried block&delete? Every messenger app I know of has this feature.

shelballama · 2021-07-12T14:40:29+00:00

I honestly am just really frank (and if needed, mean) with them and block/delete them. Life is too short to spare the feelings of men who won't take no for an answer and keep bothering you. To be honest, I also don't use Snapchat or Facebook or insta. Do you find that those apps add value to your life? When you could just use Facebook messenger, for example?

Can't help you with the street stalking. I think most of us deal with that still. If it makes you feel safer, wouldn't be a bad idea to download one of those apps that checks on your safety and auto alerts friends if you haven't checked in by a certain time. Also check your state's laws on pepper spray.

Besides that, I try not to let them get to me. I'm not the desperate creep, and knowing they exist and bother me out there won't stop me from trying to improve, since I won't let them win or dictate my progress.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-07-12T15:04:02+00:00

Since you've already blocked him and he doesn't seem to want to take the hint I would just be extremely rude. Send a message that is something like "fuck off already! I'm not interested in you. Take a hint loser. I don't date poors/little bitch boys/guys with small dick energy/the vertically challenged (pick whichever one fits)." Be so mean that he thinks fuck you bitch I don't want you and he fucks off. That's what I used to do with men who wouldn't take a hint. If they won't respect that you don't want them then you got to make them not want you. Be aggressive.

sruslywhytho · 2021-07-12T15:30:09+00:00

As you become more sure of yourself it does get better. For me, the turning point was no longer feeling responsible for other people's feelings. When you project an energy and attitude that your safety and feelings come first it makes a difference.

Consider carrying mace or a defense spike on your walks and put them somewhere that others can see them. That will deter certain types. Also when you walk your dog are you walking in a way that's small or strong and confident? Walking in a way that says "don't try it" through body language can help deter predators who are looking for an easy target. She gives some awesome examples here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwQz54IUKzg

eatchickpeas · 2021-07-12T16:43:27+00:00

breathing and reminding myself that i can never let creepy men feel entitled to my body. there are days where ive experienced nothing bad and other days where ive been honked at on the way to work, a coworker keeps asking for my number inappropriately, my mum pressuring me to 'marry someone fast before you get old and fat', a man trying to hug me on the bus and a drunk guy thinking it was a good idea to yell 'love ur tittays baby girl let me lick them' at full volume as im getting out of my car to buy a burger

you get zero warning, theres no accountability but you can make the men know its all wrong. an icy cold stare, asking them why they are doing what they are doing etc it knocks their confidence down. what really keeps me going is thinking about the next generation of women and how we NEED the world to be safer for them

radsera99 · 2021-07-12T14:29:16+00:00

I struggle with this all the time. One minute you think you know what I’m not going to let misogyny and men hold me back. Then something happens that makes u want to crawl back into ur room and never leave it again. It is truly shit to be female

ShegoGreen · 2021-07-12T20:52:23+00:00

Like you, I'm someone who has a big heart, and I've always enjoyed helping others. I'm not saying that I'm a saint or a perfect person. But it is in my personality to help others in need. Yet, I've learned that it is not enough to be a kind person- it is absolutely necessary to enforce boundaries and manage one's own focus if you have a very altruistic personality. This is done in order to avoid being used. Firm boundaries need to be put in place. Not only that, firm boundaries show that you have standards. Whether it's a man, friend, family member, or one's own mind, firm boundaries need to be put in place with authority. Sometimes, it's going to make other people angry or uncomfortable, but it is necessary to preserve your mental health and energy first- not last. Examples:

I have a poor cousin my age that I have helped financially. Sounds like the right thing to do right? Well, she is very disrespectful and doesn't help her own mother. I have stopped giving my cousin money. Now other family members aren't okay with me not giving her money. This boundary was to avoid being used.
When my mother and father divorced. (My father was not a good husband to my mother- I'll leave it at that) There was a large family event that he was going to. I decided not to go, because I did not want to give my father easy access to me without making any effort. Sometimes boundaries need to be placed in order to showcase one's standards.

tortllaa · 2021-07-13T04:27:12+00:00

Carry pepper spray with you when you walk your dog... maybe call the police if you notice someone following you?

As for the snapchatter, block him.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-07-13T14:30:14+00:00

I felt better when I got proactive about my safety. Doorbell cameras are awesome. Carry mace, stash a couple cans around your home. If you’re being followed don’t go home, go to a public place and call the cops. I know it’s exhausting but you will feel better the more safety elements you have in place.

Title	How do you do it?
Author	ChairFloor00
Upvotes	134
Comments	14
Date	July 12, 2021 6:18 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oilih9/how_do_you_do_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-do-it.791039 https://theredarchive.com/post/791039

Comments