how do you get over misogynistic kinks you have

dackaroo · 2020-01-06T11:49:56+00:00

Anything that goes unfed will die.

Maisiebr · 2020-01-06T11:39:15+00:00

I'm definitely not an expert on this but you should examine where it stems from. I'm not proud of this but as a young teenager I used to watch porn and it certainly had an impact on me. It could also stem from past trauma, learned preferences, or just wanting to be controlled after being in control for the whole day at work/school/etc. I also found the more I read/hear men's reactions to these kinks, the more I found myself not interested in them.

MidnightCarp · 2020-01-06T12:38:43+00:00

First of all, think about whether you really want to be with a man who is turned on by hurting you, regardless of what turns you on. Being into causing you pain is not symmetrical with your kinks, even if it seems like it. It's never going to cause any harm to others if you're submissive, even if you went overboard in the heat of the moment... not so for dominant or sadistic men, who can seriously hurt their partners and should not be rewarded for their depravity. Regardless of my own kinks, these traits in a man have always been a turnoff for me because it's just not the same.

Second, sometimes you want more stimulating, dangerous, and kinky stuff, but this is actually because the guy himself doesn't entice you enough. I used to think I was mildly submissive, but it was just because my first ex was just not that exciting, attentive, or empathetic in bed (or anywhere lol). So I needed more stimulation to reach the same level of excitement, and thought kinks were my thing, though he also wasn't really that dominant. Now I have a partner who is my type physically, attuned to my feelings, and playful and caring in the ways that turn me on, also with zero unhealthy or sadistic traits, and I don't feel that need anymore.

Third, we can't have full control of what our kinks are, and that's okay. For women, it has made evolutionary sense to despise and want avoid predatory low value psychopaths who can't find partners other than by forcing them, and still feel turned on in the moment to save our lives when we were attacked by a much stronger opponent we couldn't fight off. We can both accept that many women today suffer the result of an unfortunate biological history caused by men, and that we simultaneously don't want to indulge in these kinks and never did, and are disgusted by men who want to hurt us even "consensually".

Of course, sometimes it's more rooted in trauma or other experiences you had as an individual, and in those cases therapy or other self-reflection will be even more beneficial.

__femmefatale__ · 2020-01-06T17:06:51+00:00

I was just like you last year! I used to browse misogynistic tumblrs whenever I masturbated so I really conditioned myself into having those kinks. Since finding out FDS I just stopped watching porn altogether and that really helped. What I realized is that I'm turned on by a man who knows how to take charge, but the porn industry twisted that preference into misogynistic kinks, so now with the person I'm dating I'd just tell him I'd like him to take the lead, but set firm boundaries that he cannot do anything that physically hurt me

Woman-ThatIAm · 2020-01-06T17:40:49+00:00

For me it was sexual trauma, incest molestation at a young age. An emotionally, verbally, physically abusive father. And emotionally abusive mother. I had weird fantasies of being degraded by men at a very young age. I discovered chat rooms and cyber sex very young. Then erotica, and pornography. I became desensitized. I developed a food addiction. Then lost a bunch of weight and started wanting attention from men and validation and I had a sex addiction and alcoholism. I would do very extreme things sexually and go home with many men and put myself in risky situations. I don’t think I necessarily enjoyed those things but I was always looking for a dopamine rush. I wanted validation and love.

Now, I’ve given up porn. I’ve stopped feeding those addictions. I’m cutting out the dopamine highs of all types. I only fantasize about normal things, I gently, and softly touch myself when I masturbate(if I do). I don’t allow my partner to roughly touch me. I don’t engage in cyber sex, I don’t seek out porn in any way.

I do not open myself up to my addictions.

You can rewire your brain but it takes a while and it is a life long struggle.

Edit: to fix typos

nebulaedust · 2020-01-06T15:23:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

NecessaryCook · 2020-01-06T18:41:10+00:00

•quit watching porn •only date men who get off on getting you off and love to please •date romantic men who also don’t watch porn

2020-01-06T22:45:03+00:00

I just want to say this is a great topic. Also, if a man enjoys disrespecting and humiliating a woman in the bedroom, what makes you think it’s any different in other aspects of life? It’s all deeply psychological.

thicclikebicc · 2020-01-06T20:38:05+00:00

So, those of you who have at least attempted to suppress your lust for misogynistic sexual acts, would you say you've been successful? Asking for a friend...

This seems like a very common fantasy among females. Why do you think that is?

circescircus · 2020-01-06T15:57:10+00:00

Every woman I've known with kinks like that, who I got to know well enough, had experienced some type of sexual trauma.

If that's not the case for you, have you been watching porn for a long time? Have your tastes in porn been escalating, into more explicit porn, more dangerous acts? Is there something you're into now, that 5 or 10 years ago would have freaked you out?

Were you ever groomed when you were younger? Did a man introduce you to these kinks?

Is it really "good sex" or is it just a good high? Danger and pain can give people pleasure. The sex acts typically intensify, because you can't get the same high as before. Then you escalate and end up in some really dark sexual places.

luna_kuma · 2020-01-06T11:48:32+00:00

I don't think people have the power to conciously decide on what their kinks are. These are demons that grew from our minds' deepest shadows - in spaces and time outside our reach. So I choose to embrace my demons instead. I read unspeakable eroticas. I even write them sometimes. I play scenes in my head over and over again. But that is where it all end. Fantasies stay as fantasies. Self control is what seperate humans from beasts. Break free and embrace your urges in your imagination, but never let a man reduce you to a lowly animal in real life.

LadyHormoneMonster · 2020-01-07T01:15:26+00:00

I’m going to try to help, but the process isn’t easy. You say that you “shouldn’t be turned on by misogynistic kinks” as in you are, but are also ashamed of it. Is that the case or were you only doing it to appease your bf? It makes a huge difference if it’s just him vs both of you when changing a behavior/abandoning a fetish mindset.

LeftSharkDancing · 2020-01-07T15:03:18+00:00

I feel you with this - I've had similar kinks since I was young (no sexual trauma here). I think the first time I tied myself to my bedpost to see what it would feel like to be restrained I was maybe 8. When I discovered fanfiction later on, I was shocked to realize that there were others like me.

What I've found very interesting though is that BDSM does not equal romance for me. It's a high that I enjoy and fulfills some of my dare devil tendencies, but I get more turned on sweet kissing and super boring missionary or girl on top sex. It took being in a relationship with a sweet vanilla guy to realize that I saw the BDSM and the romance as two separate things.

As controversial as it may be for this sub, I'd love to find a HVM that wanted to engage in some of these behaviors as I do enjoy the natural high from it, but I would take a HVM with zero tendencies in a heart beat and just keep him out of my kink closet.

kayterrell · 2020-01-07T22:39:04+00:00

Listen to me : NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU

So you get turned on by being choked, there is NOTHING wrong with that. Lots of women do. Hell, I do. What matters is are you being safe? I never let just anyone tie me to the bed. There's a lot of conversations to be had, trust to be given ect. BDSM is nothing to be ashamed of and is predominately more female inclined then male. (Even of you are a sub) Stop being afraid or ashamed and own it.

If you still want to look into it, I heard this theory when I was a teenager and it makes sense: Woman are taught from a young age that they're sexuality is precious. That whom they've slept with, how meant times they've have had sex and how they have sex somehow was relevant to their worth. When women find out that they have a sex drive (which, commonly is higher than an average man's) they feel dirty about it. So how do you justify having sex but it not being "your fault". Rape fantasies. If you're the victim, you're not to blaim.

Is it a screwed up theory? Oh, god, yes - but it holds water. Sweetie, you enjoy rough sex. THAT. IS. OKAY. Find a safe partner amd have fun!

Title	how do you get over misogynistic kinks you have
Author	fsfig
Upvotes	51
Comments	54
Date	January 6, 2020 11:05 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eksoph/how_do_you_get_over_misogynistic_kinks_you_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-get-over-misogynistic-kinks-you-have.1068920 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068920

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