How do you know if he’s a HVM or a LVM that’s really good at love-bombing/future-faking?

Alpha_Aries · 2021-08-17T16:34:21+00:00

Do you ever get that cringey feeling when a guy is complimenting you? I do when they’re engaging in flattery, which is a red flag that they’re trying to get something out of you or get on your good side for some reason.

MissouriBlue · 2021-08-17T18:16:01+00:00

Those tools are used to accelerate the intimacy connection. To create a false sense of connectedness.

Always see if the actions match the words, in Future Faking. If he cannot make dinner reservations, chances ARE that he’s not going to book that trip or buy that house with you. 😳

Watch the short-term actions very closely.

And since many Narcissist use this, keep a close eye on any negative actions and Red Flag behavior. They often cannot go 100% Positive, so there will be a few subtle Negatives that sneak through the mask. Remain vigilant in watching for this.

The best immunity to Love Bombing is to not receive your personal validation externally… Self-Love and Self-Esteem and Self-Worth are your inoculation to this false flattery and false intimacy.

quasarbar · 2021-08-17T19:04:36+00:00

Does it feel like he's moving too fast at the beginning? If so, that's probably love bombing/future faking.

Is his affection/attention mostly words (e.g. "I love you so much! I can't wait to marry you someday!")? That may be LB/FF. Or does he show his interest by his actions, by doing things that make you feel like you're important to him?

When in doubt, try holding back. (I don't mean ignore him, but just be a bit more reserved and don't climb on board with his declarations of love and a future.) If he's a HVM he won't just disappear. He'll know you need time to actually get to know him and fall in love with him, and he'll give you that time along with patience and respect. If he's fake, he'll freak out, get angry, or ghost you.

LB/FF is a common sign of a Cluster B personality disorder like narcissism or BPD, and these people tend to make everything about themselves. In the love bombing stage of a new relationship it can be difficult to suss out if he's all about himself because he's pretending to be so deeply in love with you, but if you look, you may be able to spot little signs. Do conversations always end up being about him, what he thinks, how he feels about the topic? Or does he seem genuinely interested in hearing about you and your opinions? Does he ask what you think, or does he tell you what he thinks?

Good luck!

BasieSkanks · 2021-08-17T16:14:48+00:00

The only way you can tell if a man is HV is if he demonstrates HV behaviour consistently over a long period of time. That is the only way. Some men show major red flags in the beginning, but others are way more subtle.

However, lovebombing often feels too good to be true. Is he over complimenting you ("you're amazing", "you are everything I have ever wanted") very early on? Chances are he's love bombing you. He does not know you well enough to be making such grand statements.

In terms of future faking, is he actively following up on plans? For example, if he says he would love to take you to Mexico, is he booking flights, or sourcing accommodation? Words without any action are just words, and it's likely he is telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

Personally, I always follow my gut instinct. The LVM I have dated set off my spidey sense in the beginning, but I stupidly ignored the red flags. Do not do this. Your gut instinct exists for a good reason and that reason is to protect you.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-08-17T19:16:49+00:00

I have a story about this from three guys that love bombed me.

Guy#1: Wrote a love letter to me and promised things in the letter, so I have it in writing. He said he’d wait for me blah blah because he understood he knew that I was his first. He lists a number of traits he likes about me, and about how compatible we are. Not more than three days later, he couldn’t even remember a single thing he wrote in the letter 😂

Guy2: Lovebombed on the first date. Showed up 90 minutes late. I was such a pick-me back then that I waited since he called and let me know and when plus, I was at the mall so I had time to shop. When he arrived,in thirty seconds I was repulsed by him. 5 minutes later he said he was done looking and that I was his one.He couldn’t read the signals that I was giving off. I didn’t want to talk him and was repulsed by him. 😩

Guy3: The nerdy shy quiet type. He was open about my health complications and very supportive. Thought I was cute and complimented me a lot. Alongside his compliments started projecting our future together and wanted me to think about marriage with him. He’s stupid enough to let me know that all his other exes did the same, in hopes that I’d think of him as marriage material. Little did he know that I knew his strategy. He’s trying to get me to lower my standards and guard by promising a family and wedding with him.

At the end of the day, think about their end goal and what they want from you. Love bombers move quickly and like to rush you, so they can move on to their next conquest. If you feel like you’re being rushed or if it’s all happening too quickly, it’s already over. At this point, I like to think that one has two choices: break up with him on the spot, or see how this plays out and try to see what you can get from him without compromising your standards. Do not tell him he’s moving too fast, because he might tweak it to adjust it to your needs or the next girl.

Platipus6 · 2021-08-17T22:46:13+00:00

Love-bombing can't be sustained. They think they're putting a deposit on a bangmaid and don't intend to keep up the payments.

Future faking is usually things in the far distance they can easily come up with excuses not to do in the meantime, such as "in a year" / "in 5 years" / "when work isn't so busy".

Fast-forwarding is also a common one. Rushing to DTR, introduce you to friends and family, trap you on a road-trip or long vacation, move in together, get a dog or other big purchase together, move in, go engagement ring shopping. All completely inappropriate within the first month.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-08-17T21:18:45+00:00

My ex did both,and I felt uneasy about it but did not act on the red flag.

Next time I will though.

FrenchHeel · 2021-08-18T13:52:37+00:00

It’s really important for the woman to pace the relationship since men usually are not good at that, whether they are purposely LB/FF or not. They would go from flirting to breakup and all the steps in between in a week.

You have to be the one to put your foot on the brakes when it’s going too fast. Instead of just going along with his pace you’re the one who has to choose not to spend every waking moment with him, not to get physical too soon, not to agree to exclusivity before you know if you like him enough. Men assume every move toward commitment will get a YES from the woman when they are pushing too fast, before she knows all his faults and history. (Before she finds out who I really am)This is why we need to take things slow. Very few people can keep up faking and lovebombing over time. If he doesn’t actually fall in love with you, the slow pace will cause him to lose interest and move on to his next flavor of the week.

If he is purposely being manipulative, a slow pace (and no sex) will clear him out of your life sooner.

A man who is in love with you, real love, not temporary obsession, enjoys your company and will be happy to be with you every small step of the way. He will let his intentions be known, but always with the “when you’re ready” included.

Big vetting tool is focusing on his actions over his words. Future faking is all words. Words mean something to women… we actually use them to communicate. Men just tell women what they think they want to hear. No matter how you feel about a man you have to look at his actions first, even if it takes writing them down for you to see it in black and white.

starfighter07 · 2021-08-17T16:48:07+00:00

To me love bombing always, at some point in the convo, comes off as innapropriate and so, fake.

The most basic example that comes to me is the famous "i'm fat", "oooh but you're still beautiful 💕💗💌💜💗".

Yes, I know. I didn't say I was ugly, but the love bomber will translate this from your words and this is innapropriate.

daisy_0720 · 2021-08-18T11:00:29+00:00

His eyes.

Even if he's smiling all the time, does his smile reach his eyes or do they remain cold and emotionless?

I recently quite randomly uncovered a photo of my narc ex (it fell out of a book I hadn't opened in 5+ years). It was me, the ex and a couple of our friends. We were goofing around in a photo booth, and while my friends and I were laughing and pulling silly faces, my narc ex was staring straight at the camera. His eyes were the coldest, most dead thing I've ever seen. I literally got chills looking at it and had to throw the photo away because it creeped me out so much.

Interestingly, my most recent ex had the exact same colored eyes, but they sparkled and had the most adorable creases round the edges when he smiled. We broke up because he was LV in other ways, but the eyes are definite tell if you're dealing with a narc/sociopath who will love-bomb you in the early stages.

Hampered-Siren · 2021-08-17T19:38:32+00:00

Not all generous men are HV, but all selfish men are LV/NV.

First sign, watch how much he tips your waitress.

ShegoGreen · 2021-08-19T01:50:23+00:00

Love-bombing is like trying to finish a video game on a speed-run- you're not really there for the plot, story, or lore. You're just rushing through for the loot and achievements. To satisfy yourself. Not to see the creator's vision. And that's why after you're done playing you never touch the game again.

Genuine love exhibits an incredible amount of patience and synergy that's hard to miss. Still using the video game metaphor- every crevice of every location would be explored. The story would run deeper than you'd know. The pacing might even be slow. And most of all, the game will be either repayable, or you'll be begging for a sequel because you've developed a fascinating connection with the universe and lore of the game.

Title	How do you know if he’s a HVM or a LVM that’s really good at love-bombing/future-faking?
Author	blindbrunette
Upvotes	135
Comments	15
Date	August 17, 2021 3:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p663u6/how_do_you_know_if_hes_a_hvm_or_a_lvm_thats/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-know-if-hes-a-hvm-or-a-lvm-thats-really.1058272 https://theredarchive.com/post/1058272

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