How many dates should he pay for?

postmodernistweasel · 2020-06-15T09:39:01+00:00

I think the main thing is that he is always happy to pay. He doesn't resent it or try to be cheap when he has plenty to spend on stuff for himself. He enjpys treating you, he prioritizes that over treating himself, and won't ever try to pressure you to pay. If he genuinely can't afford much (which is understandable if he's young or has a lot of responsibilities) he thinks of nice low budget dates rather than asking you to stump up. If he's generous and it's fair to do so, you can be generous too as the relationship progresses.

rinabean · 2020-06-15T16:44:52+00:00

Yes all dates forever. I'm surprised at some of the other answers here.

What's the alternative? He made a bit of an effort, now he doesn't have to make any more? He paid enough for lifetime access? Loyalty card maybe, every 6th date is free? What on earth? No!

Chipping in is the same... like a loyalty card if you pay some percent... no.

_Atalanta_ · 2020-06-15T09:56:24+00:00

All of them! I find as soon as you pay he begins to lose interest/respect. I wouldn’t consider it a date if he didn’t plan and pay. If you chip in at all it makes it much more difficult to create a precedent that he pays for you. It can be a slippery slope and it makes every little thing a stress for you, worrying if you should pay this time or if he will.. I feel like LVM are on the lookout for signs that you will pay and then they just push their luck more and more...

DivineHag · 2020-06-15T12:52:35+00:00

A boyfriend of mine once joked "I wish you would at least BRING your purse when we go out... "

Didn't stop him always paying though. He was chuffed to do it.

An HVM should always want to pay. Then when you're so overwhelmed by his generosity you treat him back occasionally. As a treat.

None of this chipping in business, you don't need to prove how "fair" you are, men don't fall in love with fair.

If you're still caught up on "fair", think about how much more time , money and energy you spend on your appearance in general and specifically in preparation for the date compared to him.

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-06-15T17:00:13+00:00

Mine pays for all dates, no questions asked. Sometimes I will insist on treating him, but he makes more than me and WANTS to spend money on me (and us).

I'll buy him small presents from time to time and big presents for his birthday and Christmas, but he'd rather I put my money into investing in myself and always says "let me do it, save your money!". He's a great boyfriend.

eng2fly · 2020-06-15T15:00:22+00:00

7 months in with current boyfriend and he still pays for everything. I cover things occasionally because he is crazy financially generous but he never asks and always asks if I'm sure I want to pay.

2340000 · 2020-06-15T08:08:14+00:00

As many as you deem necessary. You decide what you want. But if he hasn't proved himself, there's no point in dating. Eventually you might want to pay for little things, but if he's a LVM your effort will be in vain.

So, choose wisely.

2020-06-15T17:52:45+00:00

All dates , all the time. Women are meant to receive , not give and it can turn any man off if you feel the need to prove your independence. Even my male friends and classmates pay when we catch up. I’ve learned to let men be men.

blk_grl_lvl_up · 2020-06-15T18:15:27+00:00

My mother told me my father always paid for meals since they were together and when my household went out to dinner. ALWAYS. Now she worked and paid half the household bills so it’s not like she was not contributing financially to the home, but a man paying for a meal (with occasional treats on birthdays, Father’s Day or other special occasions) is just the standard to me.

ldonnawho · 2020-06-15T07:58:52+00:00

First 3-4 dates, he should cover them. You don't even need to pay for a full date but pick up for little things. Buy the snacks if he gets the tickets at the movie theater, pay for anything under $20-25 to show you're able to chip in. I honestly didn't get to do much of that because my guy doesn't let me but that's what I would do.

Ultimately he should always be happy to pay and reach for his wallet, you chipping in should not be expected but a nice surprise

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-06-15T13:58:14+00:00

My take is the first three dates for sure.

OrchidLion · 2020-06-16T05:42:19+00:00

All of them. All the time.

Title	How many dates should he pay for?
Author	pancakeCEO
Upvotes	25
Comments	22
Date	June 15, 2020 3:45 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/h98c6z/how_many_dates_should_he_pay_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-many-dates-should-he-pay-for.697491 https://theredarchive.com/post/697491

Comments