How should an HVM react when you make mistakes?

Verysoftbun · 2020-05-18T22:09:48+00:00

Even if he didn't cheat he did something? That made you think he was, which means he must be acting strange. Either way, being cold shoulder isn't good.

yokoonoyes · 2020-05-18T21:54:42+00:00

Pretty sure stonewalling is a form of abuse..

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-05-18T21:56:04+00:00

Seems like he either lacks social skills or he’s manipulative. When I’m hesitant about someone’s behavior, I ask myself if I would do the same if I were in their shoes. Would you give him the silent treatment if you were him? If the answer is no, then you’re better without him.

radical__daphne · 2020-05-18T22:02:23+00:00

He's trash. Dump him. Giving you the cold shoulder when you do something in a different way that he doesn't like is something a child does not an adult who loves and respects you.

telejournal · 2020-05-18T21:59:19+00:00

Do you live together? What were the circumstances of you accusing him? Not that it should matter. Two days of stonewalling is long. I would drop him.

michelle27519 · 2020-05-19T01:46:29+00:00

A real man will respect you even when he’s mad at you.

West-Cook · 2020-05-18T22:24:52+00:00

To answer your actual question though...

How do you think will an HVM react on things like this?

If he triggered something traumatic for you, he needs to use his Big Boy words to figure out what he did to trigger your fears and he will both support you through your healing process and adjust his own behavior to earn your confidence; alternatively, part ways. Stonewalling you is an abusive, gaslighting tactic.

FoxeyLady1967 · 2020-05-19T01:15:46+00:00

This is how I'd approach someone who's disappointed me:

Acknowledge the emotion(s) caused by your actions/words - "I'm hurt", "I'm angry", etc. without resorting to blame and personal attacks e.g. "You're crazy", "You always jump to conclusions"
Clarify what I need from and take space so we can approach the problem rationally - "I want space tonight, we can discuss this again tomorrow"
When we discuss the mistake later on, rather than assigning blame try to understand what motivated the other person's behavior, and what we can do together to solve the problem

West-Cook · 2020-05-18T22:18:04+00:00

Dump him. Work on yourself. This is no HVM.

jesza09 · 2020-05-18T23:46:39+00:00

It’s really hard to fathom because we’re so used to LVM, but a HVM would not give you the silent treatment, that’s really manipulative and childish behaviour. A HVM if he was serious about you would be honest and open about how he’s feeling and want to talk about it and work through it, he wouldn’t push you away or attempt to punish you by pulling back.

BlueAscetic · 2020-05-19T01:42:25+00:00

Oh no. The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic, and you say he's done it before? What made you think he was cheating, were there any signs or feelings you had? When I brought up my fear of cheating with my current SO he had empathy for me, he wasn't cold or insulting.

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