How to differentiate between bare minimum and actual HV?

Ok-Name-8619 · 2020-11-17T18:04:38+00:00

[deleted]

girlyromanticx0 · 2020-11-17T17:51:28+00:00

Time will tell. A lot of guys will put up a front to try to secure you and when they feel safe they’ll give up. A HV man will consistently want to make you happy and go out of their way to do so. It will make them happy to make you happy.

MakeURegret · 2020-11-17T18:06:08+00:00

I think a lot of controversy from those posts come from the fact that we want to point out expected behavior, but we don’t want to glorify it.

There are a lot of pickmes/newbies who will visit here and not realize what even is expected behavior. Pointing it out helps normalize it for them. But then you get people saying it’s crossing the line of glorifying it.

The other issue is that you can’t capture an HVM with a single act. He could show a green flag in one area, but if he’s terrible in another area then he’s an lvm.

But yeah this is an interesting thought experiment to see if you like the other things about him: looks, personality, etc. But in my experience people tend to select for that stuff first and then evaluate if they’re respectful, high value. Mainly because the first stuff can’t really be hidden/is more upfront.

textbasedpanda · 2020-11-17T21:31:10+00:00

It's important to point out positive traits because some women have no idea what it looks like.

Highlighting HV traits isn't "applauding the bare minimum," it's saying "this is an example of healthy behavior." (Conversely exposing fuckboi-ery isn't glorifying misandry, it's saying "this is a example of shitty behavior.")

I'm going to get downvoted for this but I think we could use more examples of positive, healthy day-to-day behaviors. A lot of us literally have never seen "the bare minimum" in our relationships and have skewed relationship models.

thinktwiceorelse · 2020-11-17T23:40:17+00:00

I feel like for HVM those things are super easy and natural to do, and he does them regularly, he's trying to help whenever he can. While LVM doing bare minimum feels unnatural. Like when a guy cooks super tasty dinner once in a while. Or cleans house once a week. Or take you out sometimes. It just feels out of his character. You're literally shocked when he does something nice, and extremely grateful, because it doesn't happen often.

2020-11-17T20:03:54+00:00

There is a difference between being HV and doing the bare minimum.

That post where a girl bought her bf an Xbox and he was supposedly “high value” for saying thank you and being appreciative, is a great example of the bare minimum being interpreted as a HV trait. You’re supposed to be thankful.

okcool_12 · 2020-11-18T03:52:10+00:00

To me, bare minimum = respect, love, helping with chores and cleanliness, actively trying to please in bed, doing equal part with kids, is mature and can take care of themselves, pays for dates, actively tries to spend time together, pays bills, rent etc on time. All of this without asking for recognition or a medal. Asking for recognition or a medal = LVM.

Anything beyond that, like going the extra mile or out of their way to make you happy, is HVM.

2020-11-17T20:35:12+00:00

People post very ridiculous things on here and try to pass it off as HV. I have a feeling a lot of people did not read the handbook.

four_q · 2020-11-18T07:35:04+00:00

HV will check off boxes you don’t even have.

Sassy_Praline · 2020-11-18T08:10:36+00:00

A comment on another thread said the bare minimum is something that you yourself would automatically do without thinking.

posprov · 2020-11-17T22:13:38+00:00

My interpretation is that the value of displaying 'HV traits' is nominal. It is not the acts themselves that are significant, but the beneficial impact they have on you/your situation/life.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2020-11-18T04:50:33+00:00

I think bare minimum is also like a guy who is exhibiting high value traits early on, which is a positive sign, but it’s not a HVM (yet). For example, good for him that he planned the date and paid and all that stuff, but that doesn’t make him a HVM. 6 months in is he still organizing dates and being appreciative and respectful of your time? That’s how you’ll know.

2020-11-18T13:45:57+00:00

There is one trait that makes it high value or bare minimum... your happiness.

If he is doing it for your happiness or if he is doing it because he was raised that way. The high value part is in the consistency and details.

Title	How to differentiate between bare minimum and actual HV?
Author	enemy0freality
Upvotes	113
Comments	27
Date	November 17, 2020 5:48 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jvxk0y/how_to_differentiate_between_bare_minimum_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-to-differentiate-between-bare-minimum-and.733117 https://theredarchive.com/post/733117

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