I like simpler things, how do I know if I've crossed the line into being a pickmeisha?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-02T18:00:35+00:00

I don't think those dates sound too low effort to me if he has to drive a distance, get together all the equipment, possibly book site, pay for lisences etc.

I would love to do dates that involve going on hikes or rafting, with friends of course, not alone. Or going to the coast for the day/clamming/crabbing. Any of these dates can easily involve a meal out as well when you're done.

wonkyeyes8877 · 2020-08-02T18:34:56+00:00

It all depends on how much effort he is putting in to courting you. Is he texting and calling enough? Is he planning the dates? Is he making them special? Is he paying for them since he's the one who asked you? There's a big difference between taking you on a fishing trip you thoroughly enjoy vs inviting you along on the fishing trip his cousins planned out where you have to bring all your own gear, find your own place to sleep, and he ends up spending the entire time talking to them and you're left alone off to the side. Whatever dates you really want to go on and you have a wonderful time on are the kinds of dates you should be taken on. Just make sure you're 100% safe with him. Background check!!!

I think you bring up a great point when you mentioned disordered eating. A lot of women struggle with that. I would hope every woman puts her health first and focuses on healing and recovering so she can lead a more comfortable life.

Flufferly · 2020-08-02T18:42:17+00:00

I'm honestly not into fancier dates as a regular thing either. I figure emphasis should be on the "thoughtful". There's a mile-wide difference between the guy who finds a lovely spot, puts together a picnic basket of all your favourite things and picks you up, and the guy who expects you to meet him at a public beach and shows up with half a bottle of wine and some dried fruit (pretty sure one of you gals told that story, it was awful 😫).

Ice fishing sounds great! He can still be thoughtful in other ways, like bringing an extra of something you're likely to forget or getting you an extra-fancy lure. 😁 It's the thinking of you and making sure you have a good time that counts in my book.

_wannaseemedisco · 2020-08-02T18:21:09+00:00

Lol, fishing is not a cheap hobby. If a dude had a full setup, I'd be super down. We're going before sunrise.

Of course thats a fourth date activity..

eveninghope · 2020-08-02T19:33:05+00:00

I interpret the "fancy date" rule as more of a guideline for "is he planning something?" since so many guys are just like, "hey let's hang out in a way that I don't have to put any effort into bc I was going to get coffee and walk around the park anyway."

heleninthealps · 2020-08-02T20:51:39+00:00

I'm with you, but effort is not equal to Michelin Star restaurants and diamond jewellery. As you say, we girls are all different and have a difference in the priority of our love language, for you it's obviously not gifts, but more quality time.

I'm the same as some others commented here: I'll rather go outdoors on a hike in the mountains watching the sunset (live less than 1h from the alps) or similar than sit on a super fancy restaurant.

BUT - I'm still applying the FDS making sure that the man is putting in enough effort - planning, bringing equipment, picking me up, being respectful, fun, going in my tempo next to me, that they made food for when we are at the top (one guy spent 2h making sushi at home the evening before! It was alot of sushi) and driving me home if we're not going to a restaurant afterwards.

It's not about the activity but the energy, resources and planning the man displayed in his choice of activity.

-positivity- · 2020-08-02T19:26:21+00:00

I find that the guys who are very interested or looking for something serious will offer meal dates, or a creative date based on something they know you like to do (if you mention you like ice fishing, they’ll plan something along the lines of). A guy who’s interested will take note of your likes and hobbies; he may not be the richest man in the world but he’ll give his best to make sure you’re comfortable and have a nice time. Have the generic coffee and walk dates been effective for you? You may think this is about money, but this is more about a lack of imagination and desire to invest in you and impress you, which are telling.

MalloryDame · 2020-08-02T19:02:27+00:00

I think what FDS preaches is simply to set your own standards and stick to them. Your standards will be different from everyone else's: you don't like fancy dinners or expensive gifts and honestly, that's not uncommon. HVM don't have to be rich, they simply need to treat you well and be thoughtful. Being thoughtful means different things to different people. Again, set your own standards and boundaries and don't allow anyone in your life that doesn't fit the bill. The type of dates shouldn't matter as long as the other person feels good to you - trust your gut above all. Especially because some LVM will give it their all in the first few dates to overcompensate and appear HVM, then once they have you they'll revert to their old ways... So I wouldn't hold on to material stuff so much, but instead look out for people that are kind, generous, respectful and trustworthy.

nr2596 · 2020-08-02T18:52:45+00:00

I feel you on this a lot. I love being outside. I love hiking and trying out this different trails in my area so I would love someone to do this with but I think it’s just going to have to be a third or fourth date activity. As far as trying to determine if someone is HV dinner is just the easiest way to vet but I would also be okay with some other thoughtfully planned date.

BungalowBootieBitch · 2020-08-02T21:37:53+00:00

Dates are only one aspect of FDS. The main point is whether or not the man is treating you well before, during, and after the date. Fishing and coffee dates aren't bad. A lot of us speak of fancy dinners and what not because we used to settle for pizza and Netflix as first or second dates. I know for me I would agree to these dates because I didn't want to seem "high maintenance." Now I realize that's no way to determine whether or not the man will be good for me in the long run. So go on the nature dates. Just be sure your boundaries are respected. That your expectations of a good partner are met. Also, ax throwing is pretty hardcore.

Edit: Spelling

4E4ME · 2020-08-03T03:29:59+00:00

It's not about the pricetag of the date, it's about the effort of doing something where he is genuinely trying to impress you and get to know you.

If he learns that you like fishing and so puts together a fishing trip and takes you to a beautiful spot and you share a fun and relaxing day, that's a HV date.

A LV date is the guy who says "oh I like fishing too" and then shows up completely unprepared, gets you in the car and asks "so where do you want to go?" and then takes you to the local, overcrowded pier, and then proceeds to mansplain fishing to you while demonstrating that he definitely doesn't know how to tie knots.

The price tag of each of those dates is about the same, but the effort is different, which is what differentiates the HV vs LV of each date.

You could meet a wonderful HV man and live a fulfilled life in a little cabin in the woods as long as that life is meeting both of your needs. A HV relationship isn't necessarily about living in a mansion, it's about mutual respect and mutually meeting each other's needs with a glad heart, no matter where you live or what you spend your time doing.

Capable_Okra · 2020-08-02T20:42:25+00:00

The handbook isn't a bible - you get to determine what high effort gestures mean to you! But the most important thing is the knowledge that you DESERVE to be treated well. You can decide what is meaningful to you, as long as that doesn't involve lowering your standards or telling yourself you only deserve the bare minimum. Every woman on here is a beautiful individual and we should celebrate our differences.

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-08-02T20:41:49+00:00

I like outdoorsy stuff too, but where I live, that means being a little to really far out of cell range, so I do other dates first, and then if things seem okay, we can do other stuff.

That being said, most don’t ever get past date 1. 😆

Title	I like simpler things, how do I know if I've crossed the line into being a pickmeisha?
Author	AyyyDHD_lmao
Upvotes	49
Comments	16
Date	August 2, 2020 1:19 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i2bxdt/i_like_simpler_things_how_do_i_know_if_ive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-like-simpler-things-how-do-i-know-if-ive-crossed.720476 https://theredarchive.com/post/720476

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