~ archived since 2018 ~

I think I(25F) scared him(29M) away by setting a boundary

Lalaland_92 · 2020-02-25T01:38:07+00:00

I've been seeing a man for a couple months - he's extremely fresh out of a live in, serious relationship that he ended. Things weren't...

Lalaland_92

February 25, 2020

30 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

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Post Information

Title	I think I(25F) scared him(29M) away by setting a boundary
Author	Lalaland_92
Upvotes	30
Comments	105
Date	February 25, 2020 1:38 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f92a4e/i_think_i25f_scared_him29m_away_by_setting_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-think-i25f-scared-him29m-away-by-setting-a.693501 https://theredarchive.com/post/693501

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Two things you need to internalize. Being on this sub will help you. 1. They always come back 2. When they do, you don’t want them anymore

Please take a few minutes to reflect on what this guy did. He chose OLD before you. He chose the opportunity to meet women (a lot of them bots / scammers who try to get money through easily gullible men) over YOU. It’s clear from your writing alone that you are emotionally invested. Tried to make him happy, be there for him, chose to spend your time with him. Invest in him emotionally. Gave him all of you. Now realize that he did not deserve this! He showed you he doesn’t care for anyone but himself and his penis. That’s it! He will eventually wake up and message you again. When that happens you’ll realize it’s not a compliment. He just ran out of options and now went the easy way (in his eyes). Is that what you want? To be the last option? You might say no but right now all you want is him back. Time will show you that guys like him are cheap. You’ll find them on every street corner ogling you.
Stay strong! Your feeling will vanish.

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He said he just wants to be free and casual and have fun and be single.

Translate into real talk. "Free and casual" = he wants the freedom to have sex with other women. "Fun and be single" = a relationship with you wouldn't be fun. Don't listen to his buttery, slimy double speak. He is just trying to make himself sound excusable and keep sex with you on the table. The truth is that he doesn't think you are special enough to commit to and he finds casual sex with other women a more appealing. If he really liked you enough he would be thrilled to be in a relationship with you.

You still really think these are excuses and if he really liked me it wouldn’t matter?

Yes absolutely. If he liked you then there would be no reason for him to continue flirting and meeting with other women on dating apps. He is hoping to find someone better.

[–]Lalaland_92FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

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It's tempting to make excuses for the other person's behavior. But your priority should always be you and what's best for you. And you shouldn't change your behavior for them.

I don't know if this is your thought process but here's how I would have thought in your situation before I developed self love: he's just gone through a breakup. I will be there for him and shoe that I'm not pushy. I care for his feelings. I will be there and stick around no matter what and he'll see how good I am and will fall in love and suddenly start treating me how I deserve.

Unfortunately dudes don't do this. Dudes treat you how you show them to treat you. And if you're showing them "you can sleep with other girls and I'll stay" they'll say ok good great then I'm going to keep that up. And they will think less of you for it on top of that. They won't think "she's so considerate of my needs I should keep her around."

[–]Lalaland_92FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link