Listening to my mum talk about my grandma's abusive relationship and how it affected her as a child and then as an adult, and her own abusive relationship with my father has opened my eyes to the cycles women face. I was in a similar abusive relationship in my early twenties and I count myself lucky every day that I was able to leave and that I never had children with him. I want to be the last woman in my family who has to experience this. Even if it means staying single and independent, even childless for the rest of my life.

My mum was only able to escape because my dad died, as did my grandma when her husband died. To hell with this concept of loyalty to men who are happy to destroy everyone. My grandma and my mum suffered severe physical, psychological and emotional abuse, out of idea that divorces were shameful.

I feel like even with strong boundaries, therapy and self development I am still destined to repeat the same cycle. Its comfortable to slip into and I'm coming to the realisation that avoiding relationships with men might be the only real solution. The odds are not good and the ability to lose yourself is so high. This is not meant to be anti relationship, but wondering if other women feel the same. It's a mood.