Intuition vs fear with CPTSD

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-03-20T02:43:55+00:00

I think this is a good topic for the main sub.

TERFSareawesome · 2021-03-20T02:56:57+00:00

So I definitely feel this and understand what you're saying! For me, with anxiety, I can kind of feel my adrenaline kick in and my heart rate speed up. It's almost like a DROP in my stomach and then I can almost feel the cortisol kicking in. To suppress that reaction I take a lot of adaptogens like ashwagandha, l-theanine, and when I'm really stressed out, GABA (which kind of feels like taking xanax so I use it when I really need it but dont take it daily). Just holding your body back from launching into the pure stress response helps so much with quality of life.

When it comes to intuition it feels like a whisper. In "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker (EVERY WOMAN SHOUDL READ THIS BOOK) he said all the women had a feeling of "Huh, that's weird" for the men that eventually committed a crime against them. It wasn't like they plunged into panic, they just kind of noticed, "That's strange." I think that's a really good description of what it feels like. It's calm, more like- hmmm, I should pay attention to X. Once you make a habit of paying attention to that tiny little niggling feeling, it will start to get louder and louder and you will recognize it for what it is. Every time you hear it you will know to listen.

I have had so many stories of randomly missing like car accidents and stuff because I had a weird, small feeling I should stop and get gas, even though I had a full tank. Plenty of time nothing happens, but sometimes you get a confirm that you did avoid some awful thing. I have had plenty of times I've been walking down an aisle at a grocery store and decided to turn around and go to another based on that feeling. It's hard to navigate at first, but over time you learn more and more how to read it and depend on it. I also think meditation, and learning to get in touch with that quiet voice inside of you, makes it way more familiar and makes you able to hear it when it comes.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-03-20T02:43:28+00:00

More Time. More therapy. More self love and trust.

You have to know yourself and pay attention to your feelings. You can always leave a situation and think it over when you feel safe again.

nanofarm · 2021-03-20T03:17:43+00:00

I am only a newbie here and can only speak from my own experience with cptsd and relationship trauma. This is long because right am bad at explaining thing. I hope it helps someone.

Here is what I have learned that has helped: intuition feels like a calm knowing, a quiet discomfort. Anxiety, attachment issues and fear feel urgent and frantic.

Think of anxious attachment and acting out to get attention- you feel like if you don’t sort it out now you will go crazy. For example: I have nearly sabotaged my great relationship with frantic actions like calling in the middle of the night because I am re playing a misunderstanding we had earlier in the worst way possible and working myself up to fight or flight mode arguing in my head— I can’t sleep and I’m getting angrier and angrier at literally nothing and I have to DO SOMETHING about it right now. That is fear, insecurity, anxiety here (I get angry when I’m worried or afraid in relationships)

When it’s my intuition it’s more of a nagging unsettled feeling but without the urgency of action (this doesn’t apply to actual physical danger situations but to red flag situations) an example would be when I just don’t like what someone says or what they are doing and it sits with me in my gut. I feel uneasy or pissy or irritated about it but I don’t feel frantic. It bothers me but I don’t feel the need to act on it or address it in an urgent way.

In my case, I got so incredibly irritated that he spent so much time in the bathroom and never wanted sex with me and wasn’t very present in the relationship. I would address these issues and did get anxious too but the actual red flag was the deep unsettled feeling of suspicion that I could shake even when there were good explanations (constipation, stress, work etc). This feeling persisted even when I tried to rationalize things and reassure myself. It wasn’t ever frantic until he way that it needs sorted right now (I would bang on the door and yell, we did fight and I did want to “solve” it but my brain knew it was a long term problem so a late night phone call wouldn’t fix it) I ignored it but had fleeting thoughts of putting a camera in the bathroom and was just bothered by his behavior. I took it in in a puzzled sort of a way bc I couldn’t explain it. I didn’t need to explain it though, bc I knew something was off and I kicked him out.

Ps turned out he was doing heroin in there, not jerking off anf he turned psycho when I kicked him out and I needed a restraining order. He stalked me for 2 years before he died of an overdose. Yikes.

This can be a problem because we get too good at ignoring these quiet signals. Pay attention to when you are numbing out - stress eating, binging tv, scrolling Reddit, video games, whatever you do to “de-stress” can be used as a way to silence that nagging intuition. People with trauma have been taught to suppress our intuition which is why we don’t have an urge to act on it. Someone without trauma might say “he just seemed scratchy so I broke up with him” we have to make a choice to avoid numbing out or assume numbing behaviors are a warning sign themselves. If I start gaining weight in a relationship I know I need to pay attention.

It’s so complicated and therapy only helps up to a point. I hope I expressed myself clearly. I’m happy to clarify or answer any questions. I’ve been through so much shit and have worked so hard on recovery, I hope I can help someone

barbedwiredaisycrown · 2021-03-20T03:51:39+00:00

I have CPTSD and anxiety so hypervigilance is my default mode. I'm unashamedly guarded around most people. You have to demonstrate you are respectful of my boundaries before you gain any additional privileges.

My gut usually says "you can stay but you're on thin fucking ice" to most people, so that just means I don't trust them fully yet. I proceed with caution until I see definite signs of danger.

When my gut gets a BAD VIBE, I do not pass go. I fucking run. I don't even confront in those situations. I just de-escalate and leave. My gut has never been wrong.

And to reduce hypervigilance overall I second all the therapy and medication suggestions. If everything always feels like danger that's a sign you're struggling with too much unhealed trauma to never feel safe. That level of fear usually has to be worked on from within because the answer isn't ignoring danger signals it's learning to correctly perceive what is actually dangerous.

lillylilacladybug · 2021-03-20T03:33:04+00:00

Newbie here as well but unfortunately and embarrassingly I’ve been around the block more times then I wish to remember and if I learned one thing it’s this- you can NEVER be too vigilant: I think of all the « nice guys » I made exceptions for their minor odd behaviors and have always regretted it.

Here’s an example - met a guy I thought was HVM - took me out to dinner, held the door, bought me flowers and then slept with me on the first date. I was uncomfortable with that but wrote that off saying we were just that into each other. Then I confided in him some mental health struggles I was dealing with and he said I can’t deal with this and hung up on me. Now I agree I shouldn’t have shared such personal information so soon. But his response was equally off putting. I didn’t hear from him until a month later when he was already in a relationship with another women but was saying he only ever thought about me.

Moral of the story- sadly we can’t let down our guards. He seemed like a nice guy but it was all an elaborate ruse to get in my pants. Protect yourself. Keep your guard up. The right guy will understand what you’re doing and even respect you for it.

Vmwvi · 2021-03-20T06:27:16+00:00

The feeling of dread is your intuition. If you're not feeling loved, then leave the relationship. If you get a bad feeling around them leave. Your brain is picking up the subtle hints of abusive behaviour that you would normally ignore. Relationships are meant to make your life better and less stressful; not more stressful. If you dread being near him, dump him. You don't want to date a guy you have to be constantly afraid of.

Fun_Sherbet · 2021-03-20T03:46:23+00:00

I have a hard time with this, too. Especially after some particularly bad experiences I've become kind of paranoid and even more hypervigilant, so while I trust my gut feeling, sometimes I can't tell if a bad feeling is just paranoia. Not just about men but about everything :|

dance-in-the-ashes · 2021-03-20T05:04:31+00:00

So, I have CPTSD and though I’ve gotten better with some things I still have severe emotional flashbacks all the time, and even like low level emotional flashbacks a lot. I’m talking daily.

What is helping me is Internal Family Systems therapy and the structural dissociation model which basically argues that we are made up of parts that are implicit memory from our trauma stored in the body (you don’t necessarily have to have dissociative identity disorder, lots of people experience this without the symptoms being that strong and they’re unaware of it). Those parts get triggered by situations and react as if we’re still 5yo or whatever age and the situation is a threat because they don’t know I’m an adult and can protect myself now. I am working on building a sense of inner safety and connection with those parts so hopefully I can become less reactive in this way and lessen my emotional flashbacks.

That said...with a lot of observation and reflection I’m starting to notice when it’s an emotional flashback/trauma reaction vs intuition and trust myself more. But it’s a process. There are also times where I’ve ignored my legit intuition thinking I was being too harsh/critical or reading a situation wrong and in hindsight I should have listened to my intuition. But developing more mindfulness, acceptance of difficult emotion (as opposed to repression which increases the emotional flashbacks for me), fluency in naming and parsing out my emotions and what’s trauma-linked and what isn’t helps a lot. I’m a big fan of mediation, journaling, and bibliotherapy for this (in addition to actual therapy).

Saitschik · 2021-03-20T11:40:09+00:00

Fear isn't bad. It's part of your intuition, listen to it

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-03-20T15:53:53+00:00

In reference to other people's comments about intuition being a quiet little voice or feeling, some of my have not been. At all. Some of my feelings or intuition was like I was screaming in my own face to get out. Because of that urgency ignored it as ridiculous. Twice that got me raped.

Whether you're feeling or intuition is right or wrong, even if it's a crazy urgent panicked need to run, who are you hurting by listening to it? It's better to get out of a situation and get somewhere safe where you can think clearly about your actions and the situation.

secularwitch · 2021-03-20T16:55:52+00:00

I have cptsd and I have laser-sharp intuition now. I have been working on it for 6 years. Of all the books I read and therapies I've attended, the trick that comes very handy in intuition is "wise mind" concept by Marsha Linehan, the woman who invented Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT). Check self help books about DBT specifically for anxiety, ptsd or cptsd. I do not recommend Linehan's books for a fresh start because it's language is a bit advanced. DBT Skills for Anxiety book is a good start (I dont remember the author name but sure google can hehe). Because anxiety is a huge integral part of cptsd, books about anxiety often gives us practical tips about managing it.

shoesfromparis135 · 2021-03-20T16:59:34+00:00

LISTEN TO THAT FEELING. Whenever I get a weird vibe about a person, place, or situation, I get out as fast as possible. There is always a reason for it. There have been times when I haven’t listened and I regret it. Now I listen to it. It could be butterflies in my stomach, a full-on panic attack, a little voice in the back of my mind, a screaming voice at the front of my mind, or just a weird feeling. It’s never wrong. Listen to it.

a20922 · 2021-03-20T17:50:15+00:00

This was a really insightful post, thank you. I do enjoy poking fun at men who are silly but these types of posts are way more helpful.

lucidlotus · 2021-03-21T04:24:16+00:00

I have CPTSD too. It could be that you need more healing and that dating itself makes you uncomfortable. But my initial reaction to your question is that a feeling of dread without any reason to fear the person just means there's no obvious reason to fear the person. We pick up on so much information subconsciously that our gut knows something is wrong even if we can't name it. "I just sense something off" sounds more like intuition than hypervigilance to me.

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Title	Intuition vs fear with CPTSD
Author	orangeboobert
Upvotes	86
Comments	21
Date	March 19, 2021 5:52 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m8mwt8/intuition_vs_fear_with_cptsd/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/intuition-vs-fear-with-cptsd.1190512 https://theredarchive.com/post/1190512

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