Label Bad Behavior and Put That Shit on Them, Rather Than Internalizing and Blaming Self

jasmine-blossom · 2021-05-13T11:31:01+00:00

Oooo I love this!!!

This is actually how I operate. When I was younger I thought it was something wrong with me when I’d start having pain during sex and a lowered libido during a long term relationship.....until I realized my body was simply reacting to being treated poorly!!! My body was sending me a message that this man was not being good to me and didn’t deserve to be with me, and all I had to do was listen!

I am TURNED OFF by misogyny, by rudeness, by gaslighting, by disrespect, by poor treatment. I will never doubt my body again. She knows what’s up.

lovetarie · 2021-05-13T10:37:15+00:00

Label it, reject it, move on 👑👸👸🏻👸🏼👸🏽👸🏾👸🏿

Twolipz_78 · 2021-05-13T11:11:43+00:00

Wow.. you don’t even know just how bad I needed this right now! I was thinking about how why I always have to self-blame and not put it where it belongs riiiiight before I came to check up on here. FDS hears my thoughts, for real!

barbedwiredaisycrown · 2021-05-13T13:06:47+00:00

Been handling myself this way most of my life.

To take this a step further than even dating. ANYTHING anybody criticizes you about, if it's normal for a man to do, do not accept criticism for it. You are not unprofessional if you don't wear makeup. You are not unladylike if you swear. You're not bossy or a bitch for knowing what you want and giving directions.

The people that are treating you that way or making you feel bad about it have something to gain from you internalizing their comments and altering your behavior. They can take their sexist passive aggression elsewhere.

msromperstomper · 2021-05-13T13:49:40+00:00

When FKA twigs was doing interviews about having been abused by Shia LaBeouf, she said something that I thought was just so awesome in response to how she was now handling the aftermath of the abuse: "I think I needed to, I just couldn't carry it anymore, you know? I felt like I was cracking. Now I've handed his dysfunction back to him and it's his."

She also called out Gayle King for asking her "why did you stay?" and said the real question is "why did that man terrorize you into staying with his abuse?"

elainejay82 · 2021-05-13T14:25:35+00:00

YES. I've been talking about this a lot lately. One guy actually told me once, "Men when will say anything to hurt women. Especially during a breakup."

Another Queen move is not to internalize their complements, either. All the way around, YOU should be deciding what are your great qualities or features and even what might need to be worked on for you. This puts you back in the driver seat of deciding your own reality instead of letting others create a narrative for who you are.

Like even at times that I'm not eating my best and feel sluggish and heavier than usual, men and even women will say "Oh you're so skinny" when I know I am feeling unhealthy or I've been skipping yoga or my hikes. Just one example of knowing what's best for myself. If I listened to them, I would never move again. LOL.

You need a strong wall around you and you need to decide who you are and work hard on not letting others decide for you.

Inspection-Critical · 2021-05-13T14:27:21+00:00

One of the most enduring, insidious, and hard-to-articulate beliefs about misogyny is that all men's problems (and behavior!) are women's fault.

It's such an ingrained part of human societies worldwide that we have to consciously work to recognize it and think differently.

It's like the air we breathe; you don't even see it but it's everywhere and we're constantly breathing it in.

lovetarie · 2021-05-13T10:37:23+00:00

Thank you for this post

sugarplumcutie · 2021-05-13T13:59:14+00:00

This was right on time oml. Nothing turns me off more than an inconsiderate man.

NotYourCirce · 2021-05-13T15:20:22+00:00

This should be taught to all girls in sex ed when they’re in school. It should be standard relationship education. I needed this when I started dating

hellokaye · 2021-05-13T16:09:13+00:00

Yes! A guy has just ghosted me and I kept analysing what I said and what I did wrong when I realised it doesn't matter what I did, he was just an LVM douche and now the way he's acted makes me cringe. 🤷🏼‍♀️

TellCerseeItWasMe · 2021-05-13T15:24:30+00:00

I tell myself this but so hard to get my brain and body to follow accordingly

HeavyMetalLobster · 2021-05-13T13:39:27+00:00

Thank you for posting this. This was such a heavy thing for me to realize and your words help solidify that lesson.

-pop-fizz-clink · 2021-05-13T17:59:40+00:00

Op, you read my mind, I was totally going to post it. It's saved in my phone and ready to go.

I love this sub. Great minds!💛🌻

Title	Label Bad Behavior and Put That Shit on Them, Rather Than Internalizing and Blaming Self
Author	GalsofWisconsin
Upvotes	399
Comments	25
Date	May 13, 2021 9:53 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nbd073/label_bad_behavior_and_put_that_shit_on_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/label-bad-behavior-and-put-that-shit-on-them.775948 https://theredarchive.com/post/775948

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