About 2 months ago, I broke up with my ex bf who was in the process of turning me into a forever girlfriend. Thanks to FDS I saw through that and that we wanted different things so I broke up with him after a year and a half with no commitment in sight.

I committed to spending 3 months working on myself and I have done a lot. I’ve been in therapy the whole time which has been fantastic and I have learned a lot about myself and I’m recognizing patterns of behavior in myself and choosing better alternatives.

But this whole time there was a guy I have been interested in since last year and he’s definitely taking up some of my mental space. We’ve interacted on social media and for the past month have been talking. It came up at some point that he was interested in me and saw potential but there was another girl he was pursuing currently and he didn’t feel like it was fair to either of us to try to pursue us both at the same time. We agreed to just be friends and keep talking and hanging out.

We had discussed the level of physical contact I was comfortable with as friends and I made it very clear that kissing, cuddling, etc. wouldn’t be appropriate if he didn’t want me to catch feelings, and I didn’t want to start that unless he was going to be safe for me to catch feelings for (ie not be talking to another girl). The next time we hung out he did initiate the physical contact so I took that to mean he understood my terms and accepted.

A few days after that, when I pushed for clarification on what our relationship was he said he’s STILL pursuing that girl and even though we’ve had a fantastic connection he still wants to see where that could lead before committing to me. I took it really hard, much harder than the first time I found out about her in the first place, because it’s one thing to stop short of experiencing a relationship with someone and getting over them instead of actually experiencing that and having to give that up.

I’m just frustrated with myself for letting so much of my mental space and time I had meant to be used for self-growth be wrapped up in him. I still think he’s a good man and the way he went about things was decent (except for leading me on). But I just don’t know how to NOT be distracted by potential relationships or interests. I’ve always been the type to have crushes and in the past I’ve gone from one relationship to the next in a matter of days. So clearly not having this leaves a void in my life but I don’t know what to fill that with so I stop getting distracted and sidetracked.

Does anyone have tips on how to deal with this?