This post was inspired by u/fingerlimepie recent post on abusers.

The title seems to be going against the idea of fairy tale romance, doesn't it?

Now we know that most heroes of fairy tales and romcoms check off a lot of boxes for narcissism/abusive behaviour/LVM traits etc. However, there is another element of these stories that needs to be addressed --- how the women feel when they encounter these men.

Stories like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty show that the women are "rescued" from their otherwise terrible lives on one hand. But on the other hand, they also show some pretty problematic behaviour from the men. How would you react if some guy ( no matter how handsome ) would behave like the heroes in real life? Forget getting doxxed and being tracked by AirTags; these men can locate you with a shoe. 👠👠

We have all been brought up to believe that when this "rescuing" happens, we would have found Mr. Right and we'll all live happily ever after. But when have we ever been rescued in real life by someone else, without rescuing ourselves first? It's never the case that you meet somebody and suddenly your life just falls into place. Chances are, you have been working on rescuing yourself before he came along. On a more cynical note, when have most men ever been interested in rescuing us without intending to sleep with us? Or they only want certain women rescued while the rest of us are deemed not that important ( Hello, M/W complex ).

This type of initial "attraction" to our rescuer also feels a little bit like love bombing, doesn't it? It is further confirmed by Bread-Pill and P-oo-A posts which say that women want a rescuer and a protector. My biggest concern is that both these ideologies are rooted in providing initial support with the intent to manipulate and use<->discard women. Women usually rescue each other and themselves out of a sense of humanity and empathy, men do it to achieve a twisted personal goal. Which is why both these ideologies are abusive and are based on a power play within a relationship, not conducive to forming a stable, secure space for women.

Think about the most stable and peaceful relationship you have ever had or noticed or read about. Doesn't it feel a little repetitive, mundane and a bit boring? It is also steady, stress and drama free, and there is no twisted superiority on one side Vs survival instincts on the other side. You feel more or less ok, happy and peaceful in these relationships, and you don't feel the need to make tiktoks and YouTube videos trying to convince ( cough - cult - cough ) other women that your way of relationship is the only successful way. You also don't write posts saying I "submitted" and "resigned" to my husband's wishes and command. What sane person who is self reflective and working to resolve their underlying traumas/core wounds would ever utter these words? It's as the saying goes, An empty drum beats the loudest.

When you are used to feeling stable and more or less okay in your daily life, sudden emotional roller coasters of being rescued and later manipulated or discarded will have no place in your life. Sure, there will be attraction, happiness, pleasant surprises and ups and downs, but the overall emotional state is steady and peaceful. It almost feels like there's not much to talk about because there's no drama. Compare that with everytime you have encountered a dysfunctional person in your life.

It's time that we collectively move away from the rescuer fantasy and start viewing future partners and friends from a more healthy, compatible and value addition ways of attachment.

Edit 1: So I was reading about "shoegate", and as I write this post, I can't help but wonder what would have Cinderella done had she known about this concept? Would Prince Charming have to deal with slogans like " No doxxing by slippery Jimmy Choos!! "? 😂 How about if Belle decided to fight off both Gaston and the Beast with flip - flops and rode into the sunset with the chatty crockery? 🥊🥿🥿We all know they were better company anyways.☕🍸🕯️