FDS is often criticized for refusing to entertain men who violate our boundaries, and we are often shamed for having boundaries in the first place. As a former people pleaser, I used to feel bad for setting and enforcing boundaries, especially with men. I used to feel like I was being mean or selfish for not wanting to work to their programme even if it inconvenienced me and put me at a disadvantage. I got over these feelings of guilt by realising that even low/negative value men have boundaries, and they are not afraid to enforce them if it means you are kept in a box.

Them refusing to take you out on a decent date is a boundary.

Them stringing you along in a situationship is a boundary.

Them refusing to spend money on you or buy you thoughtful gifts is a boundary.

Them refusing to wash or practice basic hygiene is a boundary.

Them ghosting you for refusing to sleep with them on the second date is a boundary.

Them refusing to stop watching porn even though they know the negative impact it has on women is a boundary.

Men never need to justify their boundaries in the same way women are expected to. Oftentimes when I tell a man 'no', the first question that comes out of his mouth is "why not?" even though "no" is a complete sentence. This reminds me of a quote from Gavin de Becker: "When a man says no, it's the end of the discussion. When a woman says no, it's the start of a negotiation."

Having boundaries will only make you unpopular with people who mean you no good, because most people, including those who are low value, have boundaries so they can live their life the way they want to. You owe it to yourself to be ruthless when it comes to enforcing your boundaries, so you too can live authentically and in a way that makes YOU happy.