It’s been four months of no contact, and the dating period itself was a little shorter than that. He was freshly separated from a short-term relationship and also in the process of starting divorce process with the ex-wife after a yearlong seperation.

I didn’t expect to like him so much, we clicked and it was so effortless being in his presence from the first date. We knew we wanted to be a couple, we wanted to be with each other and no one else instantly, but he was so fucking stressed about being in a new relationship even from the beginning.

I knew the breakup was coming as quickly as the relationship developed. Every time we met up he would get anxious about how much he liked me, saying how sacred he was to fall in love, no matter how many times I told him we would take it slow. He constantly said I was too good for him and he was worried about fucking it up and hurting me.

When I rang him to say it was over and release him he ended up saying it first and it was a relief. It was too hard to begin with and I felt sad but proud of his decision that he was talking about entering therapy for his anxiety and issues. I was happy for him for taking control and he discussed wanting to connect again when he was in a better headspace.

He contacted me this week about catching up and I asked him to call me about it. He didn’t ring, but every few days a message that he would contact me in a few more days. I don’t like being in a holding pattern - why was I waiting to hear from him about this?

I checked his Facebook today - two days ago he gushed about how he found love this year and it’s the happiest he’s been for a long time. They met somewhere around a month after we broke up. She was at a party I was supposed to attend, meeting his closet friends and family for Halloween. I threw my phone across the room.

It took me about an hour to compose myself and then I texted him to say it was actually mistake for me to agree to catch up, that I want to leave it alone and move on, that I wish him all the best in life and love. I said nothing about what I saw, and I didn’t wait for a response before I deleted him all over again.

I’m seething with anger, a white, blind rage - whereas when we first said goodbye I ended up being very indifferent as I knew it was coming and we hadn’t dated long for me to get too attached. I don’t know what I feel under that - Inadequate? Unimportant? Used? Like I’m a nothing.

I don’t even like this person, I like some of his HV qualities. Qualities now feel like an utter lie that I didn’t see at the time. So why am I so incensed right now?