Passive communication; She was raped vs He raped her. Which do you hear more often? Why?

calico_moon · 2021-06-08T21:35:57+00:00

Saying 'she was raped' makes it her issue, something for her to deal with. The thing is, rape isn't fully just a 'women's issue', it's actually a men's issue. Men do the raping, it's men who need to change, men who need to fix it, men who need to work on it. Rape is something that happens to women, it's not our fault. It really is a men's issue, but men will never see it that way. It's the same old every woman knows a woman who has or has herself been raped, but no man knows/is a rapist. Men will never admit that rape is a men's issue, let alone do anything to fix it.

Mcccy · 2021-06-08T21:31:32+00:00

I never realised that.

If you think about it "she was raped" sounds like a punishment SHE caused cause she wasn't careful enough, victim blaming at its finest..

Big-Respond8481 · 2021-06-08T21:59:44+00:00

She was raped" makes the victim known, identifies the victim and points the finger towards them.

Meanwhile it makes the rapist anonymous, which excuses mens actions- "we did not make an effort to identify this mysterious rapist-person, I am sorry, I cannot help you".

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-06-08T21:49:18+00:00

We always hear passive language. "A woman was assaulted/raped in a park" by what, a tree? A bench? It makes the event sound like a totally random occurrence that happens once every 78 times a woman sits on a specific bench or something. It makes the woman the subject of the discussion and perpetuates fear because it can happen at any time to anyone and victim blames her for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. They ignore the part where she was being stalked by an ex for six months and reported it a dozen times. We even hear the same thing with "pedestrian struck by car." Why is the result the headline?

We need to consciously reword it to "a man assaulted a woman" or even better "a man assaulted a person/victim" and leave the woman out of it. The man committed the act and should be the main subject.

dahliaukifune · 2021-06-08T22:52:34+00:00

I was watching a show and one of the characters who was a lawyer said something like

‘When someone reports a robbery or a car jacking no one thinks they are lying about it, but rape is the only crime where the victims are frequently told they are lying about being assaulted. No one says someone is lying about being burglarised but they will say that someone is lying about being raped’

This made me think and I was like ‘Yeah, I never heard of someone being accused of lying when they report a burglary.’

Really makes you realise how the patriarch operates in the justice system.

Big-Respond8481 · 2021-06-08T21:55:47+00:00

I used to think the general preference for "she was raped" was just because of misogyny, but now I wonder whether it may also partly be an attempt to talk about male sexual violence against women without having to constantly manage the shitfits -- social, legal, physical, and otherwise -- that men throw whenever anyone tries to hold them accountable for the violence they commit.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-06-09T00:03:34+00:00

You are absolutely right about this. From now on I'm going to use active communication to address the issue.

~~I was assaulted.~~ -> A man assaulted me. Or: A woman assaulted me. (Yes, there are NVW out there who assault other women.) Regardless, we have to shift the focus towards the perpetrator to hold them accountable.

cutiebranch · 2021-06-09T04:02:47+00:00

As a side note, and I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I hate when rape victims are called “survivors” instead of “victims”

“Survivor” in just about every area is what you’re called when things are completely out of anyones control. Cancer survivor. Flood survivor, etc.

People who are shot are the victims of a shooting. People who are mugged are the victims of a mugging.

But victims of a rape are “survivors”

Why?

A “victim” implies a perpetrator, while “survivor” does not. This terminology also removes the rapist from the situation and makes it “she was raped”

And I know many victims do this themselves, but if you ask why it’s because they don’t want to “be a victim”. But you were. But that’s not your sole defining characteristic and would not be for any other crime. You were a victim of a crime and there was a perpetrator of that crime.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-06-08T21:43:43+00:00

I always thought "he raped her" gave power to the rapist. And "she was raped" gave more focus to the victim. Like he took something as opposed to something was taken from her.

It's unfortunate though because going around saying "she was assaulted", in addition to making it sound like the fault is on the women like you mentioned, makes it seem like women just walk around and magically get assaulted. No, men assault. Men rape.

discochicken87 · 2021-06-09T03:09:35+00:00

A co worker groped me, my husband brings it up occasionally as me letting another guy feel me up because I didn't stop him.

DallasM19 · 2021-06-09T17:41:21+00:00

She was raped - blame shift. Every time.

See also: Underage woman sexually assaulted (a child was raped). They always to tidy it up to make sure the poor man isn't blamed to harshly, we can't have that can we, with under 1% of rapes actually being convicted/s

So sick of this world.

VictoriaSobocki · 2021-06-09T11:24:42+00:00

I think it’s just easier to broadcast on the news/online where you don’t have many letters. Like eg “Princess Diana raped” is faster to read than “X X raped Diana”

whyballs69 · 2022-06-07T02:22:19+00:00

Women rape too

Title	Passive communication; She was raped vs He raped her. Which do you hear more often? Why?
Author	sarahbae03
Upvotes	446
Comments	37
Date	June 8, 2021 9:21 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nvevle/passive_communication_she_was_raped_vs_he_raped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/passive-communication-she-was-raped-vs-he-raped.783734 https://theredarchive.com/post/783734

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