Remember at this time that if he can't listen respectfully to your political views, he doesn't respect you.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-06-02T16:04:43+00:00

Wish I had seen this 3 years ago, my ex would always “play the devil’s advocate” any time I tried to talk to him about things I’m passionate about, and when I got frustrated that he was being willfully ignorant and arguing in bad faith he would refuse to listen to me because I was being emotional rather than logical. A relationship isn’t a debate team competition, you’re allowed to express yourself, and any man who tried to stifle that can GTFO

TradcatAlice · 2020-06-02T14:37:28+00:00

Yes ma'am.

No mansplaining over here.

loftycries · 2020-06-02T15:05:48+00:00

I cried about this just this morning. My ex and I had very different political beliefs. I had always been headstrong in my views, but after multiple fights, being yelled at, made to feel dumb, I eventually gave in. I echoed his beliefs. I formed some awful opinions on things. I had became the very thing I swore I’d never be. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I was bullied into submission, but I’m so embarrassed. I’m not sure if I did it just to keep the peace, or if I truly believed those things; either way, I’m disappointed in myself. I’m just now picking up the pieces and trying to figure out exactly where I stand (my actual beliefs vs what he brainwashed me into thinking) and working on forgiving myself.

Maisiebr · 2020-06-02T14:23:06+00:00

I hate the devil's advocate kind of guys. Especially those who take pleasure in the "stimulating discussion" and a "challenging another perspective" meanwhile it's a matter of life and death to me. You know fuck all about poverty and womanhood (or racial issues - but as an eastern european white woman I don't feel I have the right to bring this up now), yet you constantly try to challenge me on my views? Me explaining endlessly isn't enough, you want to go there a few more times? You're surprised that I'm on the verge of tears because you are implicitly questioning my humanity and the validity of my (and many others') lifelong trauma? Good job, buddy. It's not just a stimulating conversation for me.

naturalbornvirgo · 2020-06-02T21:26:05+00:00

I honestly wouldn't even try to date a man with different political views than me.

cutsforluck · 2020-06-02T19:11:34+00:00

I agree. However, I think this applies to nearly every topic/opinion, not just political.

I've learned that I need a high degree of emotional intimacy to connect with someone-- friend, partner, etc. This means talking about all sorts of things, from the mundane, profane, deep, shallow...I want to learn what they think, why they think it.

I'm not saying that I require staunch agreement on all topics. If we disagree, I'm still interested to understand why they hold a different view, via a constructive discussion. I have carefully developed my opinions based on my experiences and information I research. I am careful to seek out balance, and see the points of both/multiple sides. To disrespect my opinions, is to disrespect me as a person.

This is actually a huge red flag for me, if someone cannot ask questions deeper than 'how are you' (yes, this has happened to me, and YES, I should have paid attention much sooner, lol).

Eat_Pant_b0ss · 2020-06-03T00:25:24+00:00

My ex repeatedly made me burst into tears having political "debates" with me by insulting my values and perspective and then gaslighting me when I got upset by saying he "was just playing devil's advocate". I am not a sensitive person and I can be passionate about a point of view without resorting to tears but the way he would subtly imply I was an idiot and go out of his way to say the most disrespectful things and then deny any ill intent later would really break me down. Then he would get angry we stopped having real world conversations. He didnt understand why I no longer felt safe talking about my views. Even when I cried and told him he was being insulting, he wouldn't stop. What kind of person acts like that over a simple discussion?

notochord · 2020-06-03T01:59:48+00:00

Ugh, and if you speak clearly, show the tiniest bit of emotion in your voice, or “look angry” then they call you out on being emotional like “whoa, whoa... calm down.”

Pretty-Bake · 2020-06-02T14:23:10+00:00

Struggling with this one at the moment. Had to put a ban on political discussions during lockdown.

Nightingale1820 · 2020-06-02T18:32:24+00:00

God my husband is so bad about this. He’s a democrat and I’m a republican, we have just decided not to discuss politics together. He gets soooooo emotional.

Title	Remember at this time that if he can't listen respectfully to your political views, he doesn't respect you.
Author	g7gfr
Upvotes	205
Comments	27
Date	June 2, 2020 11:43 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gv5sz3/remember_at_this_time_that_if_he_cant_listen/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/remember-at-this-time-that-if-he-cant-listen.674629 https://theredarchive.com/post/674629

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