SOS - Rescue Mission Needed

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-11-24T17:51:38+00:00

Removed as a duplicate.

_xyoungbellax_ · 2020-11-24T13:16:13+00:00

Not to sound mean but you'd definitely be an asshole to yourself if you waste another day of your life on this scumbag!

PinkBlair99 · 2020-11-24T13:28:43+00:00

Call a divorce attorney. You still may be entitled to half if you live in a common law state and he’s been referring to you as his wife over a number of years.

Regardless, start saving money secretly and preparing to exit ASAP.

lalalalaika · 2020-11-24T14:03:01+00:00

Yooooo

1 I would never live with a man I'm not married to

2 I'm DEFINITELY never having a baby for a man I'm not married to

3 the man in this story is a piece of shit

AwkwardDisaster4150 · 2020-11-24T13:59:15+00:00

They’ve been together five years and have a child together and he’s like, “I want to get married one day, I’m just not ready now.” What could he possibly be waiting for? He doesn’t want to marry her. He likes having something to hold over her head. She needs to throw this one back.

MistressSelkie · 2020-11-24T13:29:39+00:00

It’s sad that she ends with being unsure if she is “wrong” for feeling that way. I understand that asking that is basically the point of that sub, but a lot of women seem worried that they are being bad or wrong for having feelings and opinions.

I feel bad for her and their child. They both deserve better than this, and she should be confident about that.

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-11-24T12:57:27+00:00

YIKES YIKES YIKES

Gambit12345 · 2020-11-24T14:08:47+00:00

He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to marry. I think she’s got a sunk cost fallacy going on. This dude feels so secure that she won’t ever leave even after outright saying he doesn’t want to get married (yet). That little stunt he pulled is grounds for breaking up IMO but tbh she should’ve left when she learned he didn’t care for marriage if it’s something she wants

azureangel35 · 2020-11-24T14:20:54+00:00

Note the language: I went into a major depressive episode and didn't even think we'd be together much longer. Like it's not her fucking choice whether she puts up with this disgusting treatment?! He has ALL the power. Why breed with this type of scrote?!

NotSoSmartChick · 2020-11-24T15:33:03+00:00

I saw this one too. The other day, a woman posted about her boyfriend's mom being too bossy about choices they made for their house. Well, “their” house was his house that she bought the furniture for and is paying half the mortgage of, with NO ownership. She’s ok with it because he refers to it as “our house”. I said that sounds so sweet, but she’s legally a tenant of his.

Don’t pay his mortgage, don’t bear his children without being married.

fireforestfairy · 2020-11-24T15:54:35+00:00

He wants to be able to ditch at his leisure of he finds someone he likes more.

Classic.

fireforestfairy · 2020-11-24T16:20:17+00:00

He's introducing OP as his wife to other people so that they will not know he's one of those shitty guys with forever girlfriends. It's a way of trying to portray himself as a HVM in front of other people.

Regarding why he doesn't want to marry her, he probably doesn't like her that much and wants more "flexibility" to dump her if things get rough or he likes another women. Some guys don't like the idea of legally sharing their assets after getting divorced which may be why they refuse to get married to a girl he doesn't like that much in the first place.

honeybeeroll · 2020-11-24T16:28:47+00:00

So and engagement and marriage has always been important to her but not him. She gave up her dream of an engagement for him. Then he humiliated her by bailing on the marriage and sent her into a depressive episode that I'll bet he never even noticed her going through and she never spoke to him about. So then she says "okay I'll never bring up getting married but I won't be your forever gf" What does she expect to happen then??? I feel really bad for her, but at the same time she is letting this man run her in circles, she is letting him determine her life. I hope she takes charge of her life and leaves :(.

I've only see one success story where the guy originally wasn't into marriage, and it only worked out because my friend made it very clear she would walk away. First he wasn't into labels, so after a couple months of dating my friend was like "well that's too bad, I have to stop seeing you then" and he was like no wait I'll be your bf!! Then he wasn't into marriage. They dated for about 2 or 3 years, and he did start to slowly change his opinion overtime, but by the time my friend was 28 she told him "I am getting married before I'm 30, with or without you." And then he proposed not terribly long after that, and he was more enthusiastic actually about it all, and they did get married after a short engagement.

My friend's situation ONLY worked because she played hard ball AND cuz he stepped up to the plate. I think she knew him very well and had confidence that he would step up, but she also had the confidence in herself to leave in a timely manner if he didn't. He knew she meant business and that if he fucked around he'd lose her. My grandma did something similar actually, she broke up with my grandfather when he wasn't ready to get married after a year or so (she was late 20s, he was later 30s, so she was like wtf man, you're OLD what are you WAITING for!?). He realized he fucked up, he made it clear he would marry her, and they got engaged shortly after they got back together.

I think many women like OP are victim to wishful thinking about their man (that he will step up even though he has clearly displayed he won't), sunk cost fallacy, fear of not having a man, fear of feeling like a failure cuz they don't have a man, etc. They cling to the man instead of playing hard ball and leaving when he doesn't step up. The man sees the woman hanging onto him no matter what he does, so he keeps treating her like shit. I hope she leaves his ass, the bastard.

LevelTurbulent · 2020-11-24T16:27:31+00:00

He’s just getting off on hurting her at this point.

Summerisle7 · 2020-11-24T16:30:50+00:00

Ugh I get so angry at these.

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Title	SOS - Rescue Mission Needed
Author	CrownWaster
Upvotes	58
Comments	21
Date	November 24, 2020 12:36 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k047ip/sos_rescue_mission_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/sos-rescue-mission-needed.331608 https://theredarchive.com/post/331608

Comments

1 I would never live with a man I'm not married to

2 I'm DEFINITELY never having a baby for a man I'm not married to

3 the man in this story is a piece of shit