My 36M ex broke up with me 26F two months ago. We had been together for almost 7 years, we started dating when I was 19F and he was 30M. Anyway, I had been dealing with anxiety and depression for more than a year. He told me he wasn't in love anymore and that he didn't see a future with me anymore, and that he was burnt up with the relationship.

Apparently he had been wanting to BU with me for almost six months, and he had even BU with me in January over an argument we had, but he changed his mind the same day. In June he told me he only got back with me 'out of pity'. Ouch.

But during those six months we had been talking about living together, marriage, kids, going on holidays this year... I had absolutely no clue of how he was feeling. Maybe I was just a dumbass, because in January I had to go to couples' therapy alone because he didn't want to go. I can't express how humiliated I felt back then.

Did I emasculate him by paying for almost everything once I started working last September? I earn so much more than he does.

Was he secretly afraid of commitment? We were going to live together this October (he owns an apartment), and I was pressuring him on getting married.

I'm more than 10 years younger than him, have two university degrees, earn x4 what he does, come from quite a loaded family, I'm sophisticated, cosmopolitan, and geeky, and quite attractive. But still, I was the one that got left.

The thing I feel horrible about is that I've realized that I was a Bob the Builder. I was the one that convinced him to get a university degree, I was the one that found his apartment (it was an absolute bargain), I was his first relationship, and now he drops me like a dead weight. All those things apparently things he resents me for.

I feel like Beyoncé in 'Ring the alarm'. I don't want another woman to get him, now that I've worked so hard for him to become an engineer and own an amazing apartment.

And to think that I chose him because I thought he was a far better person than I was and that I was so far out of his league than he'd never left me... What an idiot I was!

But he treated me so well during 6 years of our relationship, like a queen. I don't know what changed in order for him to dump me in such a cruel way.

I've been in no contact since the BU, but I want to reach out. I have so many matches on Tinder, but I'm not going to find any man as accomplished as I am, anyway. What should I do?

Edit. I'm answering all comments, but my comments seem to get removed. Is there anything I can do? Thank you!

Edit 2. I'm going to copy my answers to comments here, since they don't show up because I don't have comment karma.

u/Phoenix__Rising2018

I've already reak the handbook, it was very helpful, even if I had already read a lot of the bibliography ('The Rules', 'Why men love bad bitches', 'The power of the pussy'...). When he BU with me I focused in trying to find out where my mistake had been, why the relationship had failed.

I agree with what you say about never paying for a man again. Never. I'd pay for a lot of thing and never felt appreciated.

But 99.99% of people my age don't earn what I do. Even 99.99% of people 10 years older than I am still don't earn what I do. I've read that in most succesful marriages the husband earns 25% more than the wife, and I don't think it will be easy to find that.

My parents were very strict with me, and my father was always over-critical and very cold towards me. I also have Asperger's (which my ex refused to accept that I had), instead calling me emotional and irrational the last months of our relationship (he even called me crazy during the BU).

My ex treated me like a queen, praised me, gave gifts that I actually liked, we shared the same hobbies and he was very generous in bed (and didn't watch porn, which was something super important to me even then).

I'm already in therapy for the autism, anxiety and depression.

We actually met playing D&D, he didn't groom or anything, though I agree something was not normal because no way I'd date a 19 year old (being a 26 year old).

u/Davina33

My father was there but he was abusive and cold and overly critical of me. He lost his cool quite frequently and hit me. Also, I was never good enough for him.

We now get on quite well, my father and I. I'm an only child and it turns out I've ended up being professionally succesful, which was the most important thing for him growing up.

u/EclecticBarbarella

He had a relationship of a couple of months when he was in his late twenties. I don't think he was a trash heap, just your typical geek guy who only had time for his geeky hobbies, most of them 98% masculine (RPGs, wargames...) that I also happen to like.

My own parents have a 13 year age gap, though they started dating when my mum was in her mid-twenties and my father had also no relationship experience, though in his case it was because he was 100% career focused. And his parents also had a similar age gap, so I guess we had it normalized.

I mean, I'm 26 and no fucking way I'd date someone who is 19, or someone who still was at university. The disparity in life experience is enormous. I was a super smart, cultured, cosmopolitan, sophisticated, well traveled and well read 19 year old, but now I know that it doesn't compensate for the lack of life experience.

u/maraslove

Thank you. I feel so dumb. He had even the gall to tell me that I made him feel bad and like I was forcing him to go to university.

Now he might even be unemployed, so the degree is going to come in handy.

I take great care in my physical appearance. I don't go to the gym because I'm lazy and don't have the time, but I'm still thin. My skincare game is flawless, my hair is religiously maintained, I had my body hair lasered off, and I have HA and botox injections and regular facials.

He doesn't take care of his physical appearance at all.

Anyway, he said that he found me super attractive. I guess it's my personality that repels him.

u/Ms_Tilly

Thank you. My mother says the same thing, that I shouldn't humiliate myself anymore and that he doesn't deserve me (even if before he said that he was such a good person that I didn't deserve him).

I've read the handbook. I guess it's just very difficult, it was my first relationship and it lasted almost 7 years. I didn't saw the BU coming because I considered myself so out of his league that I didn't think it was possible than he would BU with me. I also thought he was far a better person than I am. Joke's on me.

u/strangerinthealps_

I know. I opened Tinder the day after the break up and closed it a week after. I was not in the mood to talk to people because I was not over my ex yet. I also don't enjoy talking to strangers who are trying to get in my pants.

I'm a really introverted person and enjoy my own company a lot. Sometimes I think I'd be happier being single.

u/Ms_Tilly

I mean, I thought I was out of his league because socioeconomically we come from very different backgrounds. I'm highly educated, have a highly socially valued job that pays very well, come from a well off family, I'm quite attractive and have hobbies that have a large male following (a nerd: so being female plays on my favour).

I'm also impatient, selfish, accustomed to have people that do everything around me so I don't have to lift a finger when I'm at home and materialistic. Also, in the last few years riddled with mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

My mom and you are right. I don't think he was an asshole, but he behaved/is behaving like one. I don't know what changed. Maybe he said he was proud of me but in reality he couldn't deal with me being more professionally succesful than he is.