I've been dating someone for some months after knowing him for almost two years. One day, I asked him if he had ever done anal in the past. He told me he had with an ex gf he had been with for a lot of years, not with his other ex gf. I asked him it how it was compared to vaginal, and he told me that: 1) it was different, not better or worse. 2) it adds variety. 3) some parts of the anatomy of a woman can only be estimulated with anal. 4) that asses excited him but because of proximity.

I made very clear that anal is a total no go for me: 1) because FDS. I do believe that the reason 98% of men like anal is because they hate women. 2) because most importantly, I have Chrohn's (and also a deep trauma related to my asshole because this illness also leaves psychological scars, not only physical). 3) I also him that actually, it's men the ones that have a prostate, so I'm open on doing anal stimulation on him.

I made very sure to let him know in no uncertain terms that anal would forever be out of the cards. He understood it perfectly, he even told me that I didn't need to tell him the reason that anal was of out the question. I told him anyway because it was very important to me to make absolutely sure that he understands how much it will never happen. So far, his behaviour has been without reproach.

However, I'm feeling more and more insecure. My only ex bf had never done anal and was totally repulsed by it. But the current one, well: 1) I'm torn because he said it wasn't better or worse. Just different. I could have managed it if he had said it was worse, but it still added variety. 2) I'm also insecure because obviously he used to do it because it excited him. 3) I'm afraid he might miss it and not tell me. I'm afraid that in the future, he could miss it even more and leave me over it, be unfaithful, or start pressuring me to do it. 4) I have always had a deep desire to be the best in everything. I feel like I'm failing.

Honestly, I think I've tried to let him know how it makes me insecure, but I don't think he's grasped the severity of how insecure it makes me feel or maybe it turns out I have reason to feel this way, because it maybe he just likes it too much for my personal level of comfort.

If I'm being honest, I just want to dig in more to see which one's idea it was first.

Should I break up with him? I'm in love with him, there are no current red flags on his behaviour so far, and I cannot fault his behaviour. It just may turn out that we are incompatible, not because he wants to do anal to me but because my ego is too fragile to handle that it might be something he would want to do if it was on the table.