I wont go into my life story but let's just say this. I thought I was a liberated powerful woman but just kept getting used. Turns out I was kind of a pick me. After a dark past I wanted to get out and date and prove to myself not all men were sociopaths. These unbelievablely attractive men seemed everywhere and really interested in me! I was elated and my confidence sky rocketed. Then one by one... time after time they got what they wanted and disappeared. Im angry, hurt, and confused. I was directed here and have been talking too much, commenting too much, learning and absorbing. So aside from flapping my lips all over here too much I actually did something constructive I want to share. This is embarrassing but I'm sharing because- hey it could help people have that extra nudge towards an early spring cleaning of their own.

So, I uh... totally snapped a few days ago and had a come to jesus/blockening moment. The things being said on here finally clicked in my brain. I went through alllll my socials and got rid of the duck boys 🦆. I sent short goodbye messages.... some of them were much more erm colorful than they needed to be... and block block blocked. It was liberating.

I dont think I've think ever screamed at my phone like that. It was a frenzy. I realized I had online flirting "friendships" with lots of men who didnt care about me and never would. I just kept.... finding more. Some of them I had met in person, some not. Past Fwb I was pathetically holding onto who were more than happy to keep me on the hook. Models, musicians, trainers, every stereotypical duckboy chad douche I could find. I was mad at them and I was mad at myself. I was rewarding men simply for being attractive who didnt care about me and helping to keep double standards alive and demeaning myself in the process. ect ect ect. I just snapped. SNAPPED Not a single one of them will miss me. It's so sad and empty feeling. Deep down everyone wants to be loved. Why should I not let myself have that too?

The one I cared about the most probably rolled his eyes and didnt give it a second thought. I finally realized that the one thing all those guys had in common, was not that they were amazing, but that they were using me. Was I getting anything out if it? Yea. Was it enough to make up for the psychological damage that goes along with not being cared about and used? NO. Cheap flattery? Not worth it.

I'm sure they are all out there maybe shrugging or rolling their eyes. Wondering why one of their free cam girls suddenly snapped and told them "F$%# Off" and blocked them. What was scary to me was how many there were, ingrained into my life without me realizing. And how I knew not a single one would miss me.

I think Sometimes the only way to correct an addiction is to rip the band off and go cold Turkey. I WILL learn to be enough for myself. I WILL learn to get happiness from my accomplishments rather than the approval of low quality men. I'm sure you're all way past this. But try it, if not. Spring cleaning. Dont be polite, tell them to take a hike bluntly. No need to protect the feelings of people who are exploiting yours.