So I pretty recently got introduced to FDS.. I actually read the Vice article and had to take a look at this sub reddit myself and realized it was exactly what I needed after my experience dating the last few years. I have so many thoughts on things I've seen, read and heard on the podcast, but I thought I'd start out with some takes on BDSM and polyamory.

I considered myself to be a submissive and part of the BDSM "scene" for many years. I had an older man who was like a mentor to me introduce me to it originally and it was literally all down hill from there. Unlike many women I did have a good introduction to BDSM, and I feel grateful for that, but I had no idea what the majority of "doms" are really like. I was young and had no one warn to be especially cautious of any man claiming to be a "dominant", including this man who I considered to be like a mentor. A year or two ago I stopped considering myself a sub because of what it was like trying to date men who were "doms". It didn't matter how much I expressed to them that I will not be a sub to just any man, and how important consent, respect and my boundaries were, these men did not care. Many would say they knew all about that stuff but then get upset if I wouldn't do something like have raw anal sex the first time I met them (true story). It didn't matter that I had had a semi-decent dom at one point in time, I was realizing that that was extremely uncommon. Any man who feels comfortable putting his hands around the throat of a woman who he barely knows is not someone worth investing time and energy in.

I have a very high powered, stressful job, and I enjoyed the release of participating in certain BDSM kinks, but the "doms" I met didn't care about what I got from the experience. It was about them getting what they wanted from me, regardless of whether or not it was something I was 100% comfortable with. Of all the BDSM scenes I participated in over the years, there were so few where I can actually look back and say I was enjoying myself. These "doms" whined when I stuck by my boundaries, put me in public situations where I could have ended up on a sex offenders list, left bruises and marks in visible places on my body after I asked them not to, exposed me to STIs and were some of the worst gas lighters I ever met.

I'll admit I did initially have a gut reaction to FDS views on BDSM, but spending time reading things and reflecting on my own experiences really has changed my mind. I think about how much trouble I had vetting the "good doms" from the "bad doms" and know that young women just dipping their toes in that lifestyle will have no frame of reference for how to vet these men. I hear about subs who will meet a man, immediately have sex and declare he's their master and give him control over their body and their life and it terrifies me. I'm just glad this group of women exists and is not afraid to call out the normalization of this lifestyle. I'm sorry I ever defended it to be honest.

Anyways, you ladies are all awesome and I'm eternally grateful to have found this community. ^