Why do some men cheat by living a double life?

xlillinxysx · 2020-05-04T02:22:57+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Unfortunately I don't think anyone can begin to understand what on earth is going through the head of someone that leads a double life.

Sometimes we'll never find answers, even if we crave to understand because it will give us closure. Just know that this man is nothing but a horrible liar, and isn't worth a single tear or a second thought from you. Although I know you're understandably upset, and you have every right to be.

May I suggest seeking some therapy for this, honestly it will help you immensely and your therapist will be able to talk you through the situation better than I can.

Goodluck, I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. Just know you're worth everything, and deserve someone who will dedicate their entire life to you and only you.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-05-04T04:23:16+00:00

Some men are just narcissistic black holes and nothing and nobody will ever be “enough”. They are just constantly seeking to fill the void and make themself feel validated. It’s not about you, they are broken and dysfunctional. Tracy Schorn’s website and book “Chump Lady” are great resources for recovering after cheating.

mythicalnebula · 2020-05-04T02:20:55+00:00

He didn’t value you girl. No matter how much you gave him It wasn’t enough for him. Glad you got out of that relationship you deserve better❤️

Logical-Influence · 2020-05-04T02:23:18+00:00

Stupid guy that thought he could get away with it. Doesn’t consider others at all

kaoutanu · 2020-05-04T10:43:09+00:00

Some men reach physical maturity without their brains maturing. They lack the ability to delay or deny gratification. Sometimes this manifests with compulsive eating, drinking, masturbation, or fucking everything that will let them.

If you were to check back on this guy in 20 years time, nine times out of ten he will have a string of failed relationships, a bunch of children that he isn't involved with or isnt allowed to see, his career didn't go where he thought it would, and probably some prison time for "misunderstandings".

You dodged a bullet here, even though the shockwave got you. He stole your time, but you're the real winner here. Better to find out after 18 months than five or ten years or with kids in the mix. Don't give him another minute of your time. The past happened, it's over, and the future's yours.

randomgirlimok · 2020-05-04T15:17:54+00:00

Men are the kings of monkey branching. They will never let go of a girl until they have guaranteed sex from another girl they like better. They have to make sure the sex is good and plentiful before they will let go of the old girl.

cherrypepsilvr · 2020-05-04T13:10:07+00:00

I am so sorry he did this to you.

I've been there and I think it's because he always expected other people to fix things for him. He was a bottomless pit of emotional emptiness and boredom, and rather than work to make himself productive and happy, he just tried to cram the void full of attention from multiple women.

Further than that, he was spoiled by his mother so I think he felt like women existed to make him feel better, and not that we are people of our own who deserve to be with a partner who also makes US feel better. He felt he was entitled to use women to cover up his boredom and emptiness because he was more important than us, basically.

eyeahyabasic · 2020-05-04T05:44:40+00:00

I have a theory on why men do the double life thing, but it’s more about married men that do it.

So I think men, and women too, have certain plans in their minds for how life is going to go with milestones and goals along the way. However, when men look around and see they’ve missed one of these milestones/goals they start looking for a “reset” button. They want to sort of go back to a good point and fix what they messed up.

I feel like,to a man, the best “reset” is a new relationship. This becomes an easy way to blame a wife for their failures instead of taking responsibility.

Men will then realize they don’t want to lose all the “progress” they’ve made so they try to have their cake and eat it too by having the old relationship and the new one.

My grandpa did this to my grandma after they’d been married for like 40 years and that’s the theory I came up with for why.

awreathafranklin · 2020-05-04T13:47:24+00:00

Chump Lady really helped me see how his cheating was just selfishness and Narcissistic Ego Kibbles. Nom nom. Her whole site is great. Message me if you want a link to her book.

Also, I'm sorry, that really sucks. The ex-LVM cheated on me the whole time with his best friend during our 4 year relationship. It hurts. I feel you girl.

Georgerobertfrancis · 2020-05-04T22:26:47+00:00

Narcissism. Narcissism. Narcissism.

Narcissists cannot see past themselves. They cannot build meaningful emotional connections. They cannot comprehend personal responsibility or consequences. Extreme entitlement. People are reduced to commodities for them.

So... collect people for whatever you want them for. Collect and discard as necessary.

ChocoBananza · 2020-05-04T11:14:59+00:00

Why? In the words of my ex scrote ‘Because I could’.

Welp, now he can’t.

throw248348 · 2020-05-04T12:00:18+00:00

This is his problem and does not reflect on your value as a person. Thank God that asshole is out of your life

Dont_Settle_for_Less · 2020-05-04T10:05:56+00:00

That's just the worst! It might be hard right now, but know that the fact he did this has nothing to do with you. It's just the type of person he is.

To answer your question, yes I think there are definitely men like that. Thank god there are still plenty of HVM around.

pinkpoetryandwine · 2020-05-04T18:22:30+00:00

Mine did it because I made him look good publicly and professionally.

pinkpoetryandwine · 2020-05-05T08:36:06+00:00

Because they are cowards.

comet2004 · 2020-05-06T18:03:04+00:00

besides what everyone else says in also just wonder how men have the energy for this. I barely have the energy for my work life and home life let alone on top of that a double home life.

Title	Why do some men cheat by living a double life?
Author	xojsl97
Upvotes	53
Comments	22
Date	May 4, 2020 2:15 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gd323l/why_do_some_men_cheat_by_living_a_double_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-do-some-men-cheat-by-living-a-double-life.676987 https://theredarchive.com/post/676987

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